Sunday, June 22, 2014

Visionary rock mythologies seldom work out in real life

I took a face from the ancient hall
And walked on out the door . . . where I was promptly interdicted by onsite security forces.
I was eventually booked on charges of facelifting.
I am currently seeking to complete 1,000 hours of community service.
I've definitely learned my lesson!
Any help in fulfilling my obligation to the larger community of law-abiding citizens would be
         greatly appreciated.
#reallifesucks
#visionaryrockmythologiesseldomworkoutinreallife

Thursday, June 12, 2014

HAVE WE STEPPED ON THIS ENOUGH?


IF YOU DON'T JUST THROW YOUR SHIT ON THE GROUND,
THEN,
WONDER OF WONDERS,
NO ONE HAS TO PICK IT UP!!!
Give it a think or two, people.
I promise it makes sense.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

PROUSTIAN MIND-GUT BLAST! WENDY'S SALAD BAR NEVER DIES INSIDE MY MIND, CHOLESTEROL NEVER ABANDONS MY HEART!

Proustian flash of the Wendy's salad bar.
Iceberg lettuce, little tomatoes, lotsa ranch dressing, bacon bits.
Don't forget to ladle on the nacho cheese with Biggie Sized French fries a-floating, a-sinking, a-delicious!
And then for seasoning: liberal amounts of shredded synth-cheddar,
AND! AND! AND!
I usually like to sneak in a can of those ice cream sprinkles, since they didn't have soft serve apparatus,
But be sharp about your business.
Don't wanna be banned from Earthly Paradise (aka Wendy's) for bringing in verboten outside vittles.
And wasn't it bizarre that you could pour nacho cheese onto your salad,
But they didn't have any tortilla chips?
Well, blessings come in many guises.
Who needs weak, brittle tortilla chips
When I can just buy twenty-seven double stacks with cheese?
Grip 'em and dip 'em and stuff  'em to my heart's content.
Sometimes I'd even sneak in a couple or three or four bags
Of Arby's roast-beef-and-cheddars,
So I could squeeze a double stack 'tween two roast-beef-and-cheddars,
And grip 'em and dip 'em and stuff 'em
'Til I puke!
'Til I puke up my heart!
'Til I puke up my heart's content!
"Now that's better!" goes the new propaganda.
Once it was the best.
And it beat hell outta the madeleines.

Friday, June 6, 2014

The Wolf of Wall-E Street

Nightmare.
Next-gen Roombas snorting ten mile lines of cocaine.
. . . but just imagine the sixteen hour speedraps,
grotesque sense of narcissistic entitlement,
Not to mention the delusional sense of invulnerability-
All embodied within cutesy-poo, googly-eyed robot bodies!
The mind.
It do boggle.