tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26561508587538220232024-03-19T07:49:40.153-04:00TETSUOBROKER2099by William D. Tucker William D. Tuckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11156595641853681310noreply@blogger.comBlogger1226125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2656150858753822023.post-39681466161873541852024-03-19T02:30:00.001-04:002024-03-19T02:30:00.137-04:00ONE LINE MOVIE REVIEWS #50: AIRPORT '77 (1977)<p><br /></p><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Despite the presence of Christopher Lee this is not </span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Dracula on a Plane</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">, more’s the pity.</span>William D. Tuckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11156595641853681310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2656150858753822023.post-69354271321398573272024-03-18T23:54:00.003-04:002024-03-18T23:56:07.590-04:00BENIGN AND/OR INANE CONSPIRACIES #9:<p><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Crazy cat ladies have gone insane because they have all secretly replaced their coffee with ground up kitty kibble.</span></p>William D. Tuckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11156595641853681310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2656150858753822023.post-67601305614290939552024-03-18T02:38:00.001-04:002024-03-18T02:38:00.151-04:00NOTIONAL HEADLINE #93:<p><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">WAVE OF CIGAR CHOMPING BABIES COMPLETE WITH INCONGRUOUS FIVE O’CLOCK SHADOWS SIGHTED HOLDING COURT OVER AGGRO POWER LUNCHEONS ARE ALLEGEDLY LOOKING TO EXPLORE POOPY DIAPERS AS “POSSIBILITY SPACES.”</span></p>William D. Tuckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11156595641853681310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2656150858753822023.post-6722481862588088182024-03-17T02:30:00.000-04:002024-03-17T02:30:00.168-04:00THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #13:<p><br /></p><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I’m so King Kong that Godzilla pitched me on doing an Off-Broadway revival of </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Love Letters</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">.</span>William D. Tuckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11156595641853681310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2656150858753822023.post-33138683970527335962024-03-16T07:56:00.001-04:002024-03-16T07:56:36.683-04:00BLOCKED OFF ENTRANCE.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDhciQ0x7gDUpA4PolQidmzVDz5OpYYQ7XRfwDCRViwjK_AHhDeos6FzJjlmxmGezcTIlVssob2H8EJ0V0fnO6N3vmd7OQOQf6Lq7r-0hNCNJtMSj4QRyxExvUmmVHw9OI-yai1MfmDDX8FLaLXdisDLlmI23q9GhZMkqbvP3cre7oyAU1KFkU9bSeJsU/s817/20240316_064536.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="708" data-original-width="817" height="554" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDhciQ0x7gDUpA4PolQidmzVDz5OpYYQ7XRfwDCRViwjK_AHhDeos6FzJjlmxmGezcTIlVssob2H8EJ0V0fnO6N3vmd7OQOQf6Lq7r-0hNCNJtMSj4QRyxExvUmmVHw9OI-yai1MfmDDX8FLaLXdisDLlmI23q9GhZMkqbvP3cre7oyAU1KFkU9bSeJsU/w640-h554/20240316_064536.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /> <p></p>William D. Tuckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11156595641853681310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2656150858753822023.post-68132476168765309452024-03-16T02:32:00.001-04:002024-03-16T02:32:00.142-04:00THE NEW DREAM #24:<p><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">this is the one</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">where I’m automated processes</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">in a dark pit or box or container or component compartment</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">there’s an opening procedure</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">lights and language markings and coordinates flood into’n’through me</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">whatever I am</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I think I’m making copies of everything that flows through me</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">feeling of fullness</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">followed by evacuation</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">soon to be filled again</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">this goes on for quite a long time</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">‘til I start to fuck up</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">copying errors</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">within acceptable parameters for a generous stretch</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">but then I’m not so acceptable</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I get switched off</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I’m switched back on</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">lighter loads, less complex tasks</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">this goes on for not as long of a time</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">before I’m switched off for good</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I awake</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">it seems to have been a variation on the dream where you fall but wake up before you hit the ground</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">well done</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">but derivative</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">7 out of 10</span></p>William D. Tuckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11156595641853681310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2656150858753822023.post-38746290193422160722024-03-15T02:15:00.001-04:002024-03-15T02:15:00.249-04:00MOVIE REVIEW: LEAP OF FAITH (1992)<p><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Directed by Richard Pearce</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Written by Janus Cercone</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Cinematography by Matthew F. Leonetti</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Edited by John F. Burnett, Mark Warner, and Don Zimmerman</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Music by Cliff Eidelman</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Produced by Michael Manheim and David V. Picker</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Starring</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Steve Martin as Jonas Nightengale</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Debra Winger as Jane</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Meat Loaf as Hoover (Bus Driver)</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Philip Seymour Hoffman as Matt (Grift crew)</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Liam Neeson as Sheriff</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Lolita Davidovich as Marva</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Lukas Haas as Boyd</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">. . .</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">"Take it from me, babe, you can't have it both ways."</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">. . .</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Review by William D. Tucker.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">This is that movie where Steve Martin plays flamboyant yet fraudulent faith healer Jonas Nightengale. Jonas does all the bits. He dances and twitches and gesticulates his way through a mixture of musical theater kid routines cross-collateralized with a knockoff version of Michael Flatley’s </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Lord of the Dance. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">He does the thing where he puts his hands on someone’s head and then they fall to the floor, writhing and hollering as though they’ve been zapped with a holy ghost power orgasm. The lame shall walk with but the laying on of hands. The sick shall be restored to health. The grieving will know their loved ones precede them into their Father’s House. The poor shall be enriched-or, y’know, get a lead on some day labor. And the drunkard shall lay down his bottle. Jonas extemporizes borderline word salad sermons about the grace of a loving God whilst cold reading the desperate wishes of audiences full of the used, the abused, the addicted, the injured, the unemployed, the forgotten, and the disenfranchised. Those collection plates overflow with dollar bills. Martin, with his peculiarly intense brand of sincere insincerity, wrings every last drop out of the character. From the beginning we see him as a S-tier Bullshit Master for the Ages . . . and yet it’s hard not to fall for him. It’s the purity of his devotion to the act. He knows very well that there is no God, but I believe Jonas believes in his performance of faith with every ounce of his being. This bizarre contradiction of a character is the primary reason to watch </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Leap of Faith. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">The setup is ambitious. A Biblical tent revival takes its act on the road, playing the large population centers, and raking in that Cash American. We get plenty of coverage of the earthly logistics of this heavenly operation: a couple of buses, a semi truck, and a beater of a pickup to navigate local roads once they’ve selected a target and erected their big tent. It’s the circus, all right. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">You’d think they would just use holy ghost power to teleport themselves around the Bible Belt, but they use gasoline power like the rest of us-which is relatable, I guess.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">We see how Jonas’s crew operates. They have a computer database full of detailed population demographics. Portable concealed walkie talkies facilitate clandestine communications. Preshow shills work arriving audience members for juicy bits of exploitable intel. Audience plants juice the action of the crowd with a timely “Amen!” or “Praise the Lord!” if things get slow. The show proper features terrific singing and music courtesy of a Black gospel choir. When Jonas-a floridly narcissistic white boy who practically fucks the spotlight-takes the stage it is sort of impressive that he works as hard as he does considering all the priming of the audience. Jonas could half-ass it and still make a mint.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">The second most interesting character is Jane, who operates a high tech computerized command center backstage. Jonas’s big tent is fitted out with a cleverly concealed array of surveillance cameras. Jane’s monitoring the live feeds via stack o’screens, and she feeds prompts to Jonas through a semi-concealed earpiece. The grift crew has already spotted prime marks and noted down where they’re all sitting in the audience. Jane functions as both mission control and as Jonas’s second brain, helping steer his cold reads’n’riffs in the right direction. Jane shuns the spotlight but she is the secret costar of the big show. She’s played with mischievous flair by Debra Winger.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">On a personal level, Jane and Jonas have intriguing chemistry. They’re not romantically involved, which is a refreshing screenwriting choice, and yet there’s a strange spark between them. They both seem to get turned on by the spectacle they produce. The two of them together create a special somebody that neither of them could ever be on their own. Alone Jonas is a cut rate jiveass hoofer, but Jane’s computer nerd skills transform him into a “mind reading” Super Christian. As things develop, Jane starts to doubt the morality of manipulating poor small town people coping with drought, failing crops, deindustrialization, and a secularizing world that seems to be condemning them to obscure, desperate little lives. Jonas, at first, blithely accepts that people with no material hopes are easily bamboozled by promises of Heaven, but Jane helps to rekindle his conscience. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Jane’s other interest is in hooking up with the hunky-yet-skeptical sheriff played by Liam Neeson. At first, she seems to want to bang him out so he won’t revoke the big tent’s permit; later she seems to like him if not exactly love him. None of this quite amounts to as much as it should, but Winger and Neeson bring enough nuance to their roles to paper over the sketchy writing. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Jonas’s crisis of conscience is sparked by his encounter with a kid named Boyd, who was gravely injured in a vehicular crash. Boyd’s exercising vigorously as a form of physical therapy to get off his crutches. Jonas and Boyd’s dialogue is amusing as it ironically points up the profound immaturity of Jonas’s character. To no one’s surprise, Jonas incorporates Boyd into his show, even if he ends up feeling shitty about using an injured kid as a prop.</span></p><br /><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">The rest of it is suffused with unrealized potential. A possibly colorful supporting cast is ruthlessly edited down to the bare minimum-though both the editing and cinematography are so slick you kinda </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">want </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">to forgive the screenplay and direction for their faults. An insipid subplot about a conflicted romance comes across as a bore when measured against the </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Mission Impossible</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">-esque tricks and tactics of Jonas’s grift crew. The ending seemingly tries to con We the Audience into believing in miracles after ninety minutes of deconstructing the faith healer’s hustle. Maybe that’s the point: a con buried inside a con. My guess is that the production decided to play it both ways by debunking faith healing but then tossing in a “miracle” at the end to avoid offending the Religious Right. A more charitable reading is that </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Leap of Faith’s </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">larger point is that, yes, the faith healer is trying to con us . . . but we are also conning ourselves when we seek to fervently believe in the miraculous. One cannot exist without the other. Overall, </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Leap of Faith </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">needed a tougher point of view. The expansive Robert Altman ensemble cast version of this movie-if one had ever existed-would’ve been fascinating.</span></p><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Leap of Faith </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">tries to have it both ways even as it knows it can’t, which is too bad. It’s still a very entertaining watch. Jonas-the contradictory character at its heart-lingers in the mind even as the rest drifts away fart-on-the-wind-style.</span>William D. Tuckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11156595641853681310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2656150858753822023.post-46015233127218139122024-03-14T02:36:00.001-04:002024-03-14T02:36:00.254-04:00ONE LINE MOVIE REVIEWS #49: AIRPORT 1975 (1974)<p><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Routine disaster drek modestly enlivened by the clever casting of living fossil Gloria Swanson as herself thereby making this a lowkey dinosaur adventure picture.</span></p>William D. Tuckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11156595641853681310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2656150858753822023.post-48026341374362768712024-03-13T02:30:00.002-04:002024-03-13T02:30:00.145-04:00HUMPDAY THINGS I LIKE #28:<p><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">The burning hump . . .</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">The next level, don’t you think?</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">. . . of an icy day.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">And that takes it even higher.</span></p>William D. Tuckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11156595641853681310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2656150858753822023.post-21433804876136178572024-03-12T02:30:00.002-04:002024-03-12T02:30:00.245-04:00NURSING A SERIOUS RESENTMENT OF THE SUN (ALTERNATE VERSION)<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6r1a3v1wROPhaz5Qi-LCurB_UZc7zM9uhlf8AvNZpX_oSknxfaus79zhn6gZpdc2O6Jxk_LDGu0kN8x66_XPN9vB2rKS6D_zHYW1XbSTSmtugY9CugBuCOQ1y4p3WQcbrppyyxgMME76ZaIG1X7h-UEkIDuTGLv1EJPGo4H-GpkzWhWOStrpIIwrMKAE/s1434/IMG_20240213_214115_873.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1434" data-original-width="1148" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6r1a3v1wROPhaz5Qi-LCurB_UZc7zM9uhlf8AvNZpX_oSknxfaus79zhn6gZpdc2O6Jxk_LDGu0kN8x66_XPN9vB2rKS6D_zHYW1XbSTSmtugY9CugBuCOQ1y4p3WQcbrppyyxgMME76ZaIG1X7h-UEkIDuTGLv1EJPGo4H-GpkzWhWOStrpIIwrMKAE/w512-h640/IMG_20240213_214115_873.jpg" width="512" /></a></div><br /> <p></p>William D. Tuckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11156595641853681310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2656150858753822023.post-23975781693333624492024-03-11T23:02:00.000-04:002024-03-11T23:02:05.752-04:00ONE LINE MOVIE REVIEWS #48: AIRPORT (1970)<p><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I kept waiting for a man in a giant monster suit to show up, but, alas, it’s not that kinda movie.</span></p>William D. Tuckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11156595641853681310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2656150858753822023.post-15700072148324085502024-03-11T02:30:00.004-04:002024-03-11T02:30:00.187-04:00NOTIONAL HEADLINE #92:<p><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">IN A SIGN OF GROWING POLITICAL POLARIZATION RUBBER REFUSES TO MEET ROAD.</span></p>William D. Tuckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11156595641853681310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2656150858753822023.post-85898127902538622812024-03-10T03:30:00.001-04:002024-03-10T03:30:00.250-04:00THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #12:<p><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I’m so political that ideology advised me to tone it down a bit.</span></p>William D. Tuckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11156595641853681310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2656150858753822023.post-23398456353994623122024-03-09T23:38:00.002-05:002024-03-09T23:38:51.618-05:00NEW MERCH #3:<p><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Presenting</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration-line: underline; text-decoration-skip-ink: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">EMPTY BOX</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Do you know how I got this box?</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">This big empty box?</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Of course, I learned about it from a streaming video online.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">But I didn’t buy it online.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">And I didn’t buy it from a brick and mortar store.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">It isn’t available from retailers online or situated inside an actual building.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Once I watched that video I developed an abstract desire to have a big empty box for myself. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">It . . . </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">appeared </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">. . . I guess I would say . . . right here in the back of my garage.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Also . . . I’m not entirely sure I remember having a </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">garage </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">prior to the advent of the empty box-but let’s not get into that right now.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Here it is.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">It’s a big empty box.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">But it’s something more.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">This box is a device the size of a home steak freezer-like you would keep in the back of your garage-that has a small panel you can open on this end right here.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">See it?</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Basically, once you plug it into the wall, and, uh, there’s not any buttons or switches or dials, uh, you don’t have to turn it on or off or, y’know, there’s no adjustments to be made. It’s plugged in or </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">un</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">plugged. It’s on or it’s off.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">But you have that panel you can open once it’s plugged in-just right there.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">You can’t open it if it’s unplugged.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">But when it’s plugged in you can feed small animals into that panel. Mice. Rats. Birds. Monkeys. Squirrels. Cats. Dogs. Maybe not huge dogs. Small to medium mutts. Puppies and kittens for sure. It takes lizards and amphibians, but it runs less efficiently. Bugs like spiders and insects-roaches, ants, beetles-they don’t do anything. It doesn’t want bugs.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">And it </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">hates </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">seafood with a passion. You can watch videos online of people feeding it crabs and fish and lobster and it just explodes. Hilarious stuff. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Put simply . . . it wants things that can suffer. The more sophisticated the better. It prefers cats, monkeys, birds, and dogs. But, sure, it can run on a lean mixture if all you got are snakes or geckos or what have you. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">It does not accept humans of any size. It doesn’t want us. Not for moral reasons, it just doesn’t recognize our suffering as “valid.” Don’t ask me to explain it in detail. I’m not a philosopher. As far as I can understand it takes the position that our brains are so sophisticated that we no longer feel authentically. We’re basically simulating emotions. It considers us meaty robots. And it doesn’t like that. My guess is that it thinks of itself as human and therefore it observes a taboo against cannibalism. At the same time, and also because it considers itself human, it has nothing but contempt for us. Which is, if we’re being honest, how many humans feel about many of their fellow humans. In other words . . . it’s rather vicious and it’s rather pretentious.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I mean, </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">look at it. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">It’s a big, lame home consumer product that just decided out of the blue that it was a person. An antisocial person at that. Which is, admittedly, fairly amusing. And also . . . kind of infuriating. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">But I kinda respect it all the same.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">It knows exactly what it likes. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">That can carry you far in life.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">It makes no attempt to hide its hostility behind religion or ideology or money.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Its fuck-you-ness is right there on the surface. Minimal tricks.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">But, uh, so . . . you feed it birds, monkeys, cats, and dogs . . . and it consumes them. There’s no noise. If you put your hands on it there’s no extremity of hot or cold. Even if your garage gets really goddamn hot or freezing fuckin’ cold it somehow manages to maintain a completely mild feel. Which suggests some form of internal regulation, right? But when people have cracked it open they find no machinery inside. It’s empty! </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Something else that’s weird: </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">no one knows what it is actually made of</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">. Go on. Touch it. What is it? Is it metal? Is it cardboard? Is it concrete? Is it glass? Try to describe its texture. You can’t do it. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">It won’t let you. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">That’s my opinion in any case. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">And inside there’s no animal remains whatsoever. Now, it </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">is </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">believed that it generates waste-but I’ll get to that in a minute. First, I want to make clear that I do not personally believe this device to operate according to any sort of magic or metaphysics or, uh, supernatural principles. My own belief-and a lotta people who theorize about it online concur-is that what we’re dealing with here is </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">ultrasubtle technology</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">. Basically . . . we open it up, and we see emptiness . . . but it’s actually just ultrasubtlety. The tech at work here is so finely engineered that it ends up invisible to our not-so-subtle ways of seeing. I know that sounds like nonsense, but it’s the most sensible framework I’ve worked out for how a bigass box of nothing exhibits the functions that it, y’know, </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">exhibits</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">You put the right kind of animal in . . . and it’s gone.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">You bother it with nasty seafood . . . it explodes in your face.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">You try to chunk a human baby in there . . . the baby comes back out wholly intact. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Somehow . . . this empty box . . . converts its preferred animals . . . into an output that’s both waste </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">and </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">product. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Follow me on this . . . </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Cars get you where you want to go . . . but they also create carbon pollution, road rage, crashes, and various onerous financial burdens. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Disposable plastic goods make our lives convenient . . . but they create mountains of garbage. Not to mention the proliferation of microplastics, but that stuff is so controversial I won’t even go there. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Guns can protect you . . . but they generate shell casings. And dead bodies. And injured bodies. And injured psyches. And cycles of retribution. And sundered nations. And arms races. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Guns can enforce ideology . . . but that can lead to mass death and destruction.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">A mobile screen gives you the world in your pocket . . . but don’t think too hard about the exploited laborers who dug the materials out of the earth so you could have that world in your pocket.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Social media gives us a giddy sense of discovery and connection . . . but just as often leaves us “rotting in our beds” as a popular saying goes. Not to mention filter bubbles, disinformation, violent extremism, depressing loneliness, disempowering atomization, and threats to democracy. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Fast food is fun . . . but also contributes to various health problems conducive to an early death. Not to mention the low pay and shitty work conditions of those who toil to bring you those speedy eats.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Things you buy that are fun . . . are also kinda fucked.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">We get a fun result . . . but there’s always a fucked result alongside the fun.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">This empty box . . . is the ultimate expression of this inescapable truth of our age. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">It’s the purest expression, perhaps. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Entertainment experience and waste experience, the fun and the fuckedness. . . </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">simultaneous. No division. All-in-one.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">It’s a useless empty box that takes up too much space, makes cute animals disappear, dangerously explodes if you accidentally feed it seafood, and seems to regard us humans with a dismissive contempt by refusing to eat gross babies; that wastes your time as you try to figure it out, all the while generating vast amounts of highly speculative, inevitably toxic online discourse about what-in-the-burning-motherfuck it actually is, and thereby pointing up how useless and frantic and trivial our lives have become that we burn so many hours and calories over a stupid shitass empty box that defeats all attempts to decipher its innermost workings . . . </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">and one more thing.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">The most intriguing output of this empty box’s ultrasubtle mechanisms.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">How can I describe it?</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">It’s like . . . we know these empty boxes are pervasive. There’s something like three hundred million uploads of confirmed empty box content online. Those are just the empty boxes we know about. We can reasonably conclude from this that empty boxes . . . </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">are every-goddamn-where. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">And every last one seems to appear in the back of a garage. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Even if there was no garage. The empty box comes with a free garage. And if you already got a garage . . . it gets totally displaced by this new free garage.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">So we have all these cute-animal-eating-toxic-online-discourse-inspiring empty boxes all over the place spreading as fast and as far as the rate of propagation of successfully induced abstract desire to have an empty box of one’s own inside the human mind.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">These ultrasubtle devices are ubiquitous, now, along with their complementary garages. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">It’s creating a living space crunch in some areas. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Eating our pets. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Showing us contempt by refusing to eat our none-too-flavorful babies. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">And no one knows how to wish these empty boxes back into the unknown whence they came, our wishes for a return to the old status quo handily defeated by a very contagion of induced abstract consumer desire.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">And we’ve no power to resist it or fight it. Even if everyone stuffed every last empty box with seafood, that abstract desire is already bonded with our hearts and minds. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">The only solution would be to induce some sort of mass amnesia. Or maybe make everybody’s brains explode. Which could work, maybe. If we were able to sequester the people who haven’t been infected by the desire for an empty box . . . and then, you know, we blow up all the infected brains, burn down the Internet, and rig up a robot army to stuff seafood into the empty boxes in a rigorously coordinated fashion . . . </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">it could work!</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">But . . . like . . . fuck me, I don’t want to get my brain exploded. I want to live.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Even if it’s in this new world suffused with the tension and terror of ubiquitous empty boxes . . . I can get used to it. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Hell, people accept nuclear weapons, runaway climate change, anti-vaccination ideology, the return of measles, COVID-19, and the slow-motion death of democracy.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">We can handle some empty fuckin’ boxes that look down on us.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">All the same, though, I’m gonna be pretty tough on empty box when it comes to my final rating.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Which is . . . </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">zero out of ten.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Oh, yeah.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I went there.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Sometimes you gotta get tough.</span></p>William D. Tuckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11156595641853681310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2656150858753822023.post-24135119404975795892024-03-09T02:30:00.000-05:002024-03-09T02:30:00.262-05:00LOST POSTER BLURBS #2:<p><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“A veritable garbage scow of joy!”</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">-William D. Tucker, in his pathbreaking review of The Flash</span></p>William D. Tuckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11156595641853681310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2656150858753822023.post-18131455228911944092024-03-08T02:30:00.001-05:002024-03-08T02:30:00.131-05:00NOTIONAL HEADLINE #91:<p><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">NEW LEGISLATION REQUIRES ALL NARRATIVES TO END WITH A SEPHIROTH BOSS BATTLE.</span></p>William D. Tuckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11156595641853681310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2656150858753822023.post-6151069917132814512024-03-08T00:40:00.002-05:002024-03-08T00:40:20.078-05:00COMICS REVIEW: BIOTECH COMIX (1983)<p><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Writer and artist unknown.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Published by H. T. Philbrick Associates in 1983. Biotech Comix is their only known publication so far as I am able to determine.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Available on the Internet Archive.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">. . .</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“Oh hell. I’m sick of e.coli and selective anthrax. What I want is a really good lover . . .”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">. . .</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Review by William D. Tucker.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Here we have an anonymous comic book-</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Biotech Comix</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">-with no credited author or artist. I would like to tell you that I found it out in the wild in a quarter or dollar bin, but that’s not what happened. I found it looking through the Internet Archive’s scans of various obscure comic books. I prefer to read physical copies of printed works, but I’ve gotten used to reading things on a screen. I still have that twinge of desire for an actual book in my hands, but it’s not an overriding lust as it used to be. I grow more accustomed to my existence as an extension of online platforms by the day. So it goes.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">As for </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Biotech Comix </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">itself, it contains two stories: the one page curtain raiser “Sordophage” and the thirty page main story “Biotech Comix.”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“Sordophage” is a mock advertisement aimed at housewives for a self-replicating enzyme called Sordo that promises empowerment even within the confines of wifely duties. Now, you can clean those fucking dishes </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">faster</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">, which will leave you more time for other shitass forms of domestic drudgery. Truly revolutionary. It’s a sketch comedy level spoof on a well worn cliche of advertising campaigns which condescend to women by speciously equating gimmicky conveniences with a vague, toothless form of pseudo-feminism. While not necessarily connected to the main story that follows, you could interpret it as functioning in a similar fashion to the Media Break segments in </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Robocop</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"> or commercial spoofs on </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Saturday Night Live </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">or </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Second City TV. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">The last panel punchline is that the housewife is using her newfound abundance of free time to assemble what looks like a Kalashnikov assault rifle. You’re left to imagine what happens next when hubby comes home from the salt mines . . . “</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Honey, I’m home!” RAT-A-TAT-TAT! “Honey, I’m dead!”</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">“Biotech Comix” tells the story of disgruntled geneticist Dr. Victoria Topple, who works for the distinguished Stoat Skittering Institute (an obvious parody of the Sloan-Kettering Institute) in New York City attempting to cultivate strains of anthrax that target communists. Dr. Topple is bored by her research. She’s also fed-up with the mediocrity of heterosexual men, so she decides to fuck-off her assigned projects, and set her mind upon the task of using biotechnology to Frankenstein herself a dream lover. Dr. Topple wants a lover who can dance, who can cook, who can clean, and who can fuck. Dr. Topple also has a thing for panda bears. She clones the brain of a dead man from the Pathology Research Department and then proceeds to weave human neural tissue into the cells of a panda bear. After some trial and error and a lucky lightning bolt Dr. Topple has herself a keeper: a pandaman named Tom. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Dr. Topple takes Tom out on dates. At first, people gaze with perplexity and loathing upon this coupling of woman and beast, but this all changes once the ladies see how attentive, charming, and skilled Tom is as a dancer, a chef, and a lover. Dr. Topple’s girlfriends ask her how much for a pandaman of their own. The word-of-mouth is killer. Soon enough, Dr. Topple’s a millionaire off the first batch of pre-orders. She cuts ties with Stoat Skittering, and uses her riches to construct her own pandaman facility. Women all over the US abandon their human hubbies for that pandaman action. Dr. Topple institutes a sliding scale for payments so these furry lovers aren’t just for the super rich. American women leave their old lives to form a feminist breakaway republic, ditching shitty jobs and shitty men to live like Amazons in those old </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Wonder Woman </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">comics. Without secretaries, nurses, teachers, research assistants, librarians, and housewives the Reaganite economy implodes, property values plummet, and the men fall ever deeper into macho paranoia and incompetence. Dr. Topple uses her economic superiority to buy Northern California, Utah, Colorado, and the failing aerospace industries. The menfolk try to use domestic violence to control the women but the pandamen just beat their asses. So, the menfolk create their very own pandawomen-but these pandawomen reject domination and instead opt to become a dangerous biker gang. The useless men resort to McCarthyite Red Scare rhetoric and militarism but only succeed in tripping over each other’s dicks as they fight over defense budget appropriations for overly complicated weapons systems of dubious functionality. Dr. Topple and her Neo-Amazons prepare for an apocalyptic showdown with the men . . . but the men end up killing each other as cooperation is sabotaged by macho territoriality. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">A lot happens in </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Biotech Comix. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">It’s a sarcastic, gleeful boot up the ass of Ronald Reagan’s conservative, militaristic America. It takes the perviness one finds in, say, Robert Crumb and reconfigures it from a feminist perspective. A comics historian might fruitfully place it in some kind of relation to other adventurous anthropomorphic comics of the 1980s: </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Omaha the Cat Dancer, Albedo Anthropomorphics, </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">and </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Usagi Yojimbo</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">. The art is derpy looking, but the satire is delivered head-on. If the visuals had been more accomplished </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Biotech Comix </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">might have caught on, but who can say. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Overall, </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Biotech Comix </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">offers a perverse satirical counterattack against Ronald Reagan and the Moral Majority’s mission to devalue and emiserate womankind. The visuals aren’t quite up to the ideas, but it gets the point across. The back cover promises another issue, but that might’ve been just a mockery of the endless serializations of Marvel and DC superhero soap operas. There’s just the one issue of </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Biotech Comix </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">for better or worse.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">And you can read it on the Internet Archive if you want. I did. It was great. It did not waste my time. Which is always nice.</span></p>William D. Tuckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11156595641853681310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2656150858753822023.post-68565425691672831092024-03-07T15:07:00.004-05:002024-03-07T15:07:58.394-05:00PEOPLE GET MAD . . . (#14)<p><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">. . . at the lack of choice presented by the two party system here in the U.S., and then they get mad at third party candidates for being spoilers.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">People get mad.</span></p>William D. Tuckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11156595641853681310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2656150858753822023.post-19654075030013013092024-03-07T02:30:00.001-05:002024-03-07T02:30:00.251-05:00ONE LINE MOVIE REVIEWS #47: DUNE (1984)<p><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Totally weird and expensive and incomprehensible but dammit it was the 1980s so whip out your nostalgia and flog that sumbitch like nobody’s watching you!</span></p>William D. Tuckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11156595641853681310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2656150858753822023.post-89315912817385371392024-03-06T03:30:00.001-05:002024-03-06T03:30:00.133-05:00HUMPDAY THINGS I LIKE #27:<p><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I like it when the big villain has an elite cadre of killers that are initially glimpsed only as shadowed silhouettes.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Here’s someone topped with a beret defined by bulky shoulder pads cradling what looks like a large, futuristic high-powered rifle.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">There’s a curvy someone who seems to have long, writhing hair clad in a flowing robe.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Look at this one: a spiky bulk some three meters high attended by a cloud of chittering propeller hat looking things.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Yet another one looks exactly like a crossing guard holding up a sign, but we can’t say for sure at this point. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">That guy’s just a straight up pterodactyl carrying a cluster bomb.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">The most mysterious one looks to be, in silhouette, a linked series of circular shapes outputting a baker’s dozen of spindly robot arms.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Yeah.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">It’s an intriguing crew.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Can’t wait to meet ‘em!</span></p>William D. Tuckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11156595641853681310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2656150858753822023.post-36907544398946146882024-03-06T02:30:00.001-05:002024-03-06T02:30:00.246-05:00NOTIONAL HEADLINE #90:<p><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">NEW POLLING SUGGESTS MOST AMERICANS FINE WITH CLIMATE APOCALYPSE IF IT MEANS THEY DON’T HAVE TO GET BACK UP.</span></p>William D. Tuckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11156595641853681310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2656150858753822023.post-53019609147746247352024-03-05T02:30:00.001-05:002024-03-05T02:30:00.137-05:00PIXEL HUNT FOR THE BEER BOTTLE'S REDUMPTION (ALTERNATE VERSION)<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOlaYKosYoHX5-Dvle-Xg8Nf5B5MK_wMGkwmVgqfH9z4TLVG9wk0X9UiaV2KpjVvq0uvEMFLRCFm3v2s_AoBXNg1Ljz3lWZEv3tOP1x5uLLfO50bXUGzZq3-jEgtk0UPQaj0bfUU-l7d8uO6_HfBWJrkMdOFWbHcCh8lP0c3v0Pdh3Hw51QFHjAbiU0jg/s1543/IMG_20240217_041844_570.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1150" data-original-width="1543" height="476" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOlaYKosYoHX5-Dvle-Xg8Nf5B5MK_wMGkwmVgqfH9z4TLVG9wk0X9UiaV2KpjVvq0uvEMFLRCFm3v2s_AoBXNg1Ljz3lWZEv3tOP1x5uLLfO50bXUGzZq3-jEgtk0UPQaj0bfUU-l7d8uO6_HfBWJrkMdOFWbHcCh8lP0c3v0Pdh3Hw51QFHjAbiU0jg/w640-h476/IMG_20240217_041844_570.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /> <p></p>William D. Tuckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11156595641853681310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2656150858753822023.post-19096144680824991752024-03-04T10:13:00.000-05:002024-03-04T10:13:14.061-05:00THE NOTIONAL BOOKSHELF IS NOW AVAILABLE IN CHEWABLE TABLET FORM . . .<p><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Spurt Lightly: New Aesthetics of Glazewave Porn and the Rise of the New Delicacy Movement </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">by Roderick Blastmasterson</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">SAD MOTHMAN IS SAD: Ultra-terrestrials in a Not-So-Ultra Age </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">by William D. Tucker of the Shindig Institute. Originally presented as a paper read at the The John Keel Memorial Symposium Conclave.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Dare to Doo-Doo: My Journey From Mewling Diaper Shitter to Emperor of Precision Bowel Movements </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">by Carl Carol Cadre</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">776 Habits of Unwiped Assholes </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">by Spurt Bunkly</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Liminal Spaces, Rimjobinal Faces: On the Semiotics of Purchasing a U.S. Congressman </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">by Dr. Dollar Shank</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Re-Inscribing the Shart: New Discursive Topologies of Late Crapitalism </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">by Cream Blowfarth</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Tubular Titillations: Towards a New Erotics of Subway Car Busking </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">by Rosalind Bodacious</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Supply Chain Metaphysics </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">by Smith Johns</span></p><br /><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Dance of the Stationary Waltz Instructors </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">a novel</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">by H.H. Brill</span>William D. Tuckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11156595641853681310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2656150858753822023.post-79857529329350204052024-03-04T02:30:00.000-05:002024-03-04T02:30:00.260-05:00ONE LINE MOVIE REVIEWS #46: DUNE PART TWO (2024)<p><br /></p><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">You give me the </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">second</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"> half of a movie, I watch it with just my </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">other</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"> eye open, you feature?</span>William D. Tuckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11156595641853681310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2656150858753822023.post-55386000612892849242024-03-03T02:30:00.001-05:002024-03-03T02:30:00.300-05:00THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #11:<p><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0.0pt; margin-top: 0.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">I’m so Dad Moms impregnate me!</span></p>William D. Tuckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11156595641853681310noreply@blogger.com