THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #19:

I’m so coronary I give cheeseburgers heart attacks.

NOTIONAL HEADLINE #101:

DISNEY’S CG ANIMATED 1984 TO FEATURE EWOKS RESCUING WINSTON FROM BIG BROTHER.

Put down the steroids. You can gear up with these imaginary volumes from The Notional Bookshelf . . .

 On the Shartness of Metamodernism: Squeaks and Procedures of a Significantly Trifling Pre-Existence by William D. Tucker of the Shindig Institute.

The Poetic Garbage Scow of Extreme Destiny: A Consideration of Lucasfilm from the Fatuous Golden Age of The Phantom Menace to the Unctuous Present by William D. Tucker of the Shindig Institute

A Bunch of Texans Crammed Into A Soundbooth: An Oral History of Anime Dubs in the Early 21st Century by William D. Tucker of the Shindig Institute

The Expanded Asshole: a Beginner’s Guide to Flagpole Sitting by Harvey Dagner

The Wrinkles of a Most Violent Postmodernity: An Extended Meditation Upon the Face of Charles Bronson by V.I. Lante

Better Start Drinking in the Sixth Grade: A Practical Guide for Applying to the Iowa Writers’ Workshop by Vomitile Carver McDrunko

Papa Don’t Beach: Cetacean Secrets of a Madonna Classic by Professor Ishmael Ahab

Donuts at Last: A Shocking New Solution to the Riddle of Deez Nuts by Agrippa Sacks

Lake of the Obtuse a novel by H.H. Brill

THE SECRETS OF FINAL TOWN 6

 

HUMPDAY THINGS I LIKE #34:

I like it when a Day of Hump concludes with me being abducted by aliens.

Sure, it makes gettin’ up Thursday morning a hassle, but at least you’re over that hump, right?

Fuckin’ A.

Nothin’ but downhill momentum into the Weekend, wooooooo!

It’s pretty good.

PEOPLE GET MAD . . . (#20)

. . . at the problematic original, and then they get mad at the sanitized remake.

People get mad.

NOTIONAL HEADLINE #100:

TANJIRO KAMADO AND CHAINSAW MAN RUMORED TO BE IN TALKS TO STAR IN REBOOT OF THE ODD COUPLE.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #18:

In a world of piddly dribbling shits I’m the absolute toilet breaker.

SOLAR TAKE #2:

I was never impressed by the Psychic Friends Network. I called ‘em up, asked ‘em to make my asshole boss’s head explode, and they were like, "Sorry, sir, we don’t do that sort of thing." Lame.

NOTIONAL HEADLINE #99:

REALITY TV COUPLE FILES FOR DIVORCE; CHRIST RETURNS, SHITS BRICK, DECLARES APOCALYPSE.

THE SECRETS OF FINAL TOWN 5

 

HUMPDAY THINGS I LIKE #33:

I like it when a Day of Hump plays out just like the final episode of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

It’s usually about the same level of fun as being abducted by aliens.

PEOPLE GET MAD . . . (#19)

. . . at being lectured, and then they get mad when no one wants to hear their lecture.

People get mad.

NOTIONAL HEADLINE #98:

DEEP FAKE HOLOGRAM LESLIE NIELSEN SLATED TO HOST UNSOLVED MYSTERIES REBOOT WITH NOTHING BUT A TRENCHCOAT AND A WHOOPEE CUSHION.

THE NEW OBVIOUS #4:

If you self-publish comics or comix you have the potential to be viewed as some kind of creative genius.

If you self-publish prose and/or poetry you have the potential to not be viewed . . . at all. 

The lesson?

People like them pictures real good, don’t they?

Yup.