COSTUME '26

. . . I went as the night itself.

I'm competitive, you know?

EVERY DAY IS HALLOWEEN 27: HEADLINES CLOSING IN FROM ALL SIDES!

All the news got bad-

HALLOWEEN CANCELLED

-blazed upon the brain-

HALLOWEEN BANNED

-lotsa good reasons for it-obesity epidemic due to sugar . . . the Satanic overtones . . . the overcommercialization of it . . . the tedium of overblown horror franchises pumping out regular installments this time every year . . . how its spirit of fun and make believe interrupts right wing messaging campaigns-

HALLOWEEN EXCISED FROM THE BODY POLITIC

-‘s become a cliche, hasn’t it? For adults, it’s just another beers’n’drugs’n’hookups thing, weekend amnesia from work type of deal, online pictorial content opportunity, I mean if you just doubled up or even tripled up on your costumes you could make one party weekend stretch across two or three years of social media posts, couldn’t you? I think so-

HALLOWEEN COSTUMES CONTINUE TO BE SIGHTED IN HALLS OF AVARICE-er-GOVERNMENT

-oh, right, right, right . . . our politicians are still going around in costume as vampires, werewolves, killer robots, Klansmen, Scarlett O’Hara cosplayers, and toxic sludge beasts . . . plus the paramilitaries always come around cosplaying as soldiers fully masked-and a lotta those dudes used to riot over COVID-19 masking . . . funny how people are when they get into jobs that let ‘em stomp on the population with austerity, lies, deportations, secret prisons, pay-for-play legislation, and brute force homicide-

HALLOWEEN IS NO LONGER FOR YOU-IT’S FOR US!

-well, shit. They up and took that one away along with everything else . . . OOOO! But look how they turn on each other . . . vampires vs. werewolves vs. killer robots vs. Klansmen vs. toxic sludge beasts vs. Scarlett O’Hara cosplayers . . . shame we had to lose the nation . . . but now we see our oligarchs and fascists for who they really are . . . bitter consolations . . . 

HALLOWEEN GOES YEAR ‘ROUND

-in the most vicious way imaginable . . . Climate Inferno Heat Dome Arena spectaculars, petty wars of all against all for all times . . . well, monsters, you finally did it. You got me to start sharpening up some stakes. You got me doing the thing a Monster Fanatic swears never to ever do: you got me stepping out as a real Van Helsing . . . alas . . . alarum . . . and alack . . . 

-November 2024-October 2026

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #63:

I’m so costume street clothes go shopping for me.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #62:

In a world of ever-fading parking spaces I’m the eternal pedestrian.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #61:

I’m so improvisational I’m giving the script a midlife crisis.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #60:

I’m so intestinal the gory scenes in zombie movies develop low self-esteem because they spend all their time comparing themselves to me. ‘Tis the price of hyper-competitiveness . . .

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #59:

I’m so telemarketer the no call list is my biggest repeat customer. I’ve basically sold them every last magazine subscription in existence. I think they’ve got a serious problem with ‘subscription addiction.’ I feel so guilty the judge which condemns me sits inside my own heart.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #58:

I’m so robbery that people think I’m saying ‘rubbery’ which causes people to snap back into paying attention as I correct them as I’m robbing them.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #57:

I’m so notional religion prays to me.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #56:

Most dogs gnaw that bone into oblivion . . . but I chew that oblivion into bone . . . which is weird, right? Yeah . . .

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #55:

I’m so sheets streets feel left out in the cold.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #54:

In a world of tiny homes I'm a cosmological ultra-structure that broke ground deep within your innermost dream life, which is projected to encompass the entirety of the multiverse of multiverses, and has an estimated completion date of Infinity Times 69.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #53:

I’m so later alligator’s like, “Were you ever really here in the first place?” And I’m like, “Boo-hoo, diaper baby, a crocodile would handle their emotional shit.” Zing!

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #52:

I’m so Alpha Omega’s like, “Beginner’s luck.” And I’m like, “Jealous much, Big O?” Hi-ooooo!

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #51:

I’m so delivery pick-up’s like, "Return to sender.” Ouch!