THINGS NEVER SAID #52:

“I didn’t do so well as an artist. Those magazines trashed me, said my work was juvenile, execrable, a waste of resources you’d be loath to waste. So, I went into finance. Got all the golds. I bought all the magazines. I streamlined the human elements. Just let the A.I. things spit out good reviews of my stuff. I don’t even have to make anything. I just tasked the A.I. things to imagine what I could create, and then praise it to the highest damn heaven. I don’t even have to leave the house. Those things have no choice but to imagine this godlike, oh-so-stable genius version of me, just boring in deep to their hallucinations-emergently, unprompted-I don’t even have to exist . . .”

FANTASY MASHUP FORCE #30:

The Sandlot + EarthBound graphics assets . . .

"You're killing me, Smalls!"

Basically, some kind of fan video game adaptation of The Sandlot that looks like EarthBound. 

People will dig it, call it ‘cozy,’ call it ‘a worthy distraction from our troubled times,’ the usual bullshit. 

But . . . there’s a dark secret level based upon the baseball game being played by the insane soldiers from the movie The Face of Another . . .

"Smalls . . . you're killing me . . . !"

YOUR DRAWING PROMPT #94:

The karaoke system that needs neither singers nor audience.

NOTIONAL HEADLINE #233:

MOTHMAN, IN A RECENT CONTROVERSIAL PODGRIFT INTERVIEW, EXPRESSED DEEP RESENTMENT TOWARDS BOTH THE ‘CONSPIRACY THEORY COMMUNITY’ AND ‘THOSE URBAN LEGENDS PEOPLE,’ WHILE ALSO PUSHING HIS OWN LINE OF BRANDED ATHLEISURE WEAR.

EMERGENCE #7:

. . . years after the Battle of Burnguy Mall, Snak had convinced himself that he saw the poster of the girl balancing a knife on her fingertip after he couldn’t get his severely injured hands to pick up the gun. Basically, Snak was just gonna lay down and die, but then he saw the poster up on the back wall of the physical media store, and that gave him enough energy to walk out of Burnguy Mall and eventually be rescued by one or more unidentified Good Samaritan(s).

But we have numerous earlier accounts in which Snak told interviewers that he tried to pick up the gun after seeing the poster of the girl balancing the knife on her fingertip. In other words, Snak’s inability to use his hands is the more immediate cause of his decision to leave Burnguy Mall, perhaps to seek help or perhaps to stumble to his end somewhere outside the mall.

Snak also claimed both the poster and his nonfunctional hands as coequal factors in his decision to leave the mall.

Snak also seemed to admit to his own confusion over his memories of this difficult time in his life during at least one after dinner speaking engagement . . . a confusion he also strenuously denied on several other occasions, including during a promotional tour for his band A Brontosaurus in Sheboygan.

Further complicating matters is the possibly fictitious widely licensed nature of Snak. There have been so many spinoffs and alternate reality versions and bootlegs and remixes and ripoffs and hoax-i-fied versions of Snak that it is hard to determine which-if any-one of him was present at the Battle of Burnguy Mall in the first, middle, and last place . . .

THE NEW OBVIOUS #46:

The sooner Trump leaves the White House, the sooner we can try something else.

Maybe the Couch Man will be even worse, but at least he speaks in complete sentences.

NOTIONAL HEADLINE #232:

POP CULTURE HYPE ALERT SECTION: THE JUST ANNOUNCED IRON LUNG 2 IS SET TO STAR YOUTUBE’S OWN RICH EVANS WITH ORIGINAL SONGS BY TAY ZONDAY . . . BILL COSBY IS REPORTED TO BE INCREASING HIS INTAKE OF ANTIOXIDANT-ENHANCED JELLO PUDDING SO HE CAN LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO HEADLINE THE REFURBISHED TRUMP-KENNEDY CENTER . . . AND THE HELLFIRE SHROUDED GHOST OF EPSTEIN ANNOUNCES A NEW GROK-GENERATED ‘YOUTH-FOCUSED FILM FRANCHISE’ TO BE PRODUCED BY BRETT RATNER, DIRECTED BY WOODY ALLEN, SCRIPTED BY NOAM CHOMSKY AND STEVE BANNON; WITH PETER ATTIA AS LONGEVITY COACH; LAWRENCE M. KRAUSS AS SCIENCE ADVISOR; BILL GATES PROVIDING TECH SUPPORT; HOWARD LUTNICK AS FUNDRAISER; BARRY WEISS ON PUBLICITY; ALAN DERSHOWITZ LAWYERING UP A STORM; ELON MUSK SUPPLYING THE SPECIAL K; FEATURING AN EPIC THEME SONG BY THE I.C.E. DEATH SQUAD’S MEN’S CHOIR WITH SAXOPHONE SOLOS BY BILL CLINTON; AND HOSTED BY DONALD JOHN TRUMP . . .

THE SECRETS OF FINAL TOWN 94

THINGS NEVER SAID #51:

“Welcome to the Blog Level of Godding.”

NOTIONAL HEADLINE #231:

WELCOME, ACTUAL DAMN HUMANS, TO THE HEADLINES: “BUT WHERE WILL MY SWEET BOYS SING?” MUSIC DIRECTOR FOR I.C.E. DEATH SQUAD’S MEN’S CHOIR DISMAYED BY TRUMP’S ANNOUNCEMENT OF KENNEDY CENTER CLOSURE IN JULY . . . “WAIT. AM I STILL IN THE NEWS CYCLE?” NICOLAS MADURO SPENDS TIME IN JAIL PONDERING WEIGHTY EXISTENTIAL CONUNDRUMS . . . “ALL IS FORGIVEN.” BAD BUNNY’S ANTI-I.C.E. GRAMMYS SPEECH EARNS PRAISE EVEN FROM DISGRUNTLED COACHELLA ATTENDEES . . .

YOUR DRAWING PROMPT #93:

The party that needs neither hosts nor guests.

LOADING SCREEN WISDOM #46:

I WONDER WHAT THE PEOPLE WILL SEE IN THE FINAL DAYS.

BURNING QUESTIONS IN A UNIVERSE OF MYSTERY #95:

What will the people of the future think of us?

THE NEW OBVIOUS #45:

Republicans love to bash federal overreach . . . unless they’re the ones doing the overreaching.

THE SECRETS OF FINAL TOWN 93