THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #59:

I’m so telemarketer the no call list is my biggest repeat customer. I’ve basically sold them every last magazine subscription in existence. I think they’ve got a serious problem with ‘subscription addiction.’ I feel so guilty the judge which condemns me sits inside my own heart.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #58:

I’m so robbery that people think I’m saying ‘rubbery’ which causes people to snap back into paying attention as I correct them as I’m robbing them.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #57:

I’m so notional religion prays to me.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #56:

Most dogs gnaw that bone into oblivion . . . but I chew that oblivion into bone . . . which is weird, right? Yeah . . .

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #55:

I’m so sheets streets feel left out in the cold.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #54:

In a world of tiny homes I'm a cosmological ultra-structure that broke ground deep within your innermost dream life, which is projected to encompass the entirety of the multiverse of multiverses, and has an estimated completion date of Infinity Times 69.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #53:

I’m so later alligator’s like, “Were you ever really here in the first place?” And I’m like, “Boo-hoo, diaper baby, a crocodile would handle their emotional shit.” Zing!

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #52:

I’m so Alpha Omega’s like, “Beginner’s luck.” And I’m like, “Jealous much, Big O?” Hi-ooooo!

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #51:

I’m so delivery pick-up’s like, "Return to sender.” Ouch!

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #50:

I’m so tachyon that forward causation starts to nostalgically rhapsodize its past relevance.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #49:

I’m so shoe leather you don’t even care if I ever get to the point.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #48:

I’m so sprinkles that ice cream doesn’t even bother to show up.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #47:

I’m so amoral that the popular sense of moral causality in the affairs of humanity has gone looking for a new set of axioms.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #46:

I’m so knocking that door bells envy me my overall sense of impact.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #45:

I’m so streets sheets hide under the bed.