THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #53:

I’m so later alligator’s like, “Were you ever really here in the first place?” And I’m like, “Boo-hoo, diaper baby, a crocodile would handle their emotional shit.” Zing!

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #52:

I’m so Alpha Omega’s like, “Beginner’s luck.” And I’m like, “Jealous much, Big O?” Hi-ooooo!

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #51:

I’m so delivery pick-up’s like, "Return to sender.” Ouch!

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #50:

I’m so tachyon that forward causation starts to nostalgically rhapsodize its past relevance.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #49:

I’m so shoe leather you don’t even care if I ever get to the point.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #48:

I’m so sprinkles that ice cream doesn’t even bother to show up.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #47:

I’m so amoral that the popular sense of moral causality in the affairs of humanity has gone looking for a new set of axioms.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #46:

I’m so knocking that door bells envy me my overall sense of impact.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #45:

I’m so streets sheets hide under the bed.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #44:

I’m so kitchen table issues that grandiose idealism pulls up a chair.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #43:

I’m so in-person that telepresence has started to question its whole reason for being.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #42:

I’m so shallow that the Super Bowl just watches me for the ads.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #41:

I’m so gullible Reality TV believes I’m totally off-the-cuff spontaneous.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #40:

I’m so deep in the depths of ennui that interests and hobbies declared bankruptcy.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #39:

I’m so exuberant caution resigned from the board to “spend more time with family.” Sure, dude.