Wednesday, August 31, 2022

A Fake Bookshelf of Fake Books by Fake Authors . . .

Imperial Bowel Movements: Wastewater Portraits of British Royals by Dr. Audrey Strainer


Collaborative Bowel Movements: A Handbook for Communities by Danny Double Dumps 


Pushin' the Cushion: New Pillow Stress Test Paradigms in the Post-9/11 Universe by William D. Tucker of the Shindig Institute 


I WORK A DAY, I JERK A DAY: My Wild Journey into the Soda Jerk Revival Scene by Suds Spurtos


Opus 69: Putting the Sexy Back Into Classical Music by Melody Shamus


A Comprehender's Comprehensive Compendium of Comprehensive Comprehensions by and for Comprehenders by Smith Johns


A Certain and Familiar Doom a novel by H. H. Brill


Hallucinogenic Butt Crust, or How I Learned to Stop Wiping and Transform My Asscrack into a Garden of Hallucinatory Delights by Trip Crackson


Doing Backflips Forever: A Beginner's Guide to Injuring All of their Shit by Bannion Flail


Suspect Fluids: an Erotic Thriller by Busting Champeen


Postmodern Identity Performance in the Contemporary Security Theatre by Clortis Dannywall 


The Joy of Nonstop Unforced Errors: Living Your Best Worst Life at Maximum Volume by Flowery Sharpe


An Aesthetic Appreciation of Rudy Giuliani's Mystery Head Goo: a Shindig Institute Emergency Appreciation Symposium curated by William D. Tucker

Tuesday, August 30, 2022

EVEN MORE FAKE BOOKS BY EVEN MORE FAKE AUTHORS . . .

 Blunt Instruments: Overapplications of Marijuana Smoke in Civil Engineering Projects by Murph Derby


Fortresses of Forbearance a novel by H.H. Brill


Rowdy Conformists: a Sociological Dream Life Analysis of NASCAR Fandoms in the Post 9/11 Universe by Dr. Hildegarde Crasher


Postures of Action: Late Capitalist Semiotics of Life Drawing Class Models by Dio McGillicutty


Perpetual Diarrhea: One Man's Quest to Become a Raging Asshole by Bob Tubecloggingson


The Need State of Necessary Necessities by Smith Johns


Liminal Feces: a Case Study of the U.S.S. Ronald Reagan's Phantom Shitter by McCubbins Delgado


Epizoochory as the Ultimate Freerider Threat to Libertarian Discourse: an Emergency Symposium of the Profits Without Limits Institute curated by Zapper Grabtube


"I honestly couldn't tell the difference": Porn Parodies and the Looming Ontological Crisis by William D. Tucker of the Shindig Institute 


Introduction to Quantum Proctology by Dr. Angela Fiberblast


Wild Stasis: My Inspirational Journey From Gestating Fetus to Inherited Wealth by Prince Geoffrey Poshstain 

MORE FAKE TITLES MORE FAKE BOOKS MORE FAKE NAMES OF MORE FAKE AUTHORS . . .

Nothing Exists: the Counterintuitive Saga of How Reality Actually Exists by Serpenty Serpentson 


The Memory of Furniture a novel by H.H. Brill


Randomly Breaking Shit While Yelling Incoherently: My Life Changing Odyssey Through the Post-9/11 Universe by Butch Thruston


Patternicity Structures in the Worldaround Context by Smith Johns


10,000 Years of Honda Hotboxing: a Saga of the Future by Becky Rollingpape


Gas Line Explosion at the Comedy Open Mic: an Insider's Account of How Nothing of Value was Lost by Carl Hawtson


Pristine Valley: the Inside Story of the Visionaries Chasing the Dream of the World's First Self-Wiping Asshole by Clay Brown


Metamodern Approaches to Pre-Drywall Inspection: a Primer edited by William D. Tucker of the Shindig Institute


Mildly Psychic: My Life of Occasionally Being Able to Guess Shit Correctly by Johnny Nonmalta 


Audio Auto Fellatio: Tips and Hacks for the Up-and-Coming Podcaster by Jack Swallows


Football, Faith, and Family: One Man's Quest to Fill the Empty, Mocking Hole of Life with Various Activities by Eldo Parzival Butts


Governance Prospects of the New Millenium in Context: Challenges, Perceptions, Rewards, and Punishments by Johns Smith


Death Duel at the Farmer's Market: Localism and its Discontents by Firmalon Dukepour 


Angry Absolutions: My Journey of Faith, French Fries, and Fanny Packs by Father Merriman Tubebringer


Howl of Savings: The Citizens' Guide to Precision Coupon Clipping by Gordon Plasmellion 


"Ya'll play purdy, now!": Gladiator Capitalism of the New Reality: a Transcript of the Shindig Institute Symposium curated by William D. Tucker


Towards the New Derp: YouTube, Post-Literacy, and Adult Diaperism by Samuel Spooliston


Roast Beef Elitism: the Final Days of Fast Food Chic by Cornby Pressuredowl 

Sunday, August 28, 2022

FAKE TITLES OF FAKE BOOKS THAT CANNOT EXIST. INCLUDES FAKE NAMES OF FAKE AUTHORS THAT CANNOT EXIST.

The Sharting Economy: Is It Scalable? by Rivers Duty


Fundamentals of Essential Elements by Smith Johns


Group Sex in the Age of Hyperindividualism by Sol Randy


"I can't start existing!" and Other Pertinent Dilemmas of the Disillusionment Era by Prima Nons


INFERNO AT SPEED: One Man's Journey Through Flamethrower Themed Fight Calls of the American Theatre in the Post-Literacy Age by Bannion Flail


Civilizations in Collision: Cat People, Dog People, and the Risk of Nuclear Annihilation by William D. Tucker of the Shindig Institute


Portable Toilets and the Image of (Post) Modernity: Reflections on a Lifetime of Greasy Bowel Movements at State Fairs by Linder Hole


FINAL DIALECTIC: How the Wendy's Salad Bar Returned from the Dead to Become the Final Boss of the Internet by Sally Fuchs of the Trend Pursuer Institute


"Who even are we anymore?": Whipped Cream Semiotics of Instagram Dog Videos in a Post-9/11 Universe by Petty Scratcherson


The Threat of Uniform Mischief a novel by H.H. Brill


Dancing Forever in the Land of Hooray: One Woman's Journey to Re-Create the K-Mart Snack Bar Inside Her Own Apartment by Isabella Dairy


Signs of Wife: One Man's Daring Quest to Remember Why He Ever Wanted to Get Married In the First Place, and the Tantalizing Possibility that Quantum Mechanics May Yet Prove that He Has Always/Never Been Married to that Cat in that Box that Scientists May or May Not Have Poisoned for Some Reason by Bill Dews


SUPERSTAR: THE AMAZING TRUE SAGA OF A NARCISSISTIC STELLAR OBJECT by Professor Ida Grands of the Cosmic Psychopathology Institute

POSTSCRIPT TO POETIC VIDEO GAME REVIEW #10: POPULOUS . . .

 . . . not really a fan of creationism.


Unless I get to be The God. 


Why not be Number One, y'know?


Don't give me that look.


You see the size of that megachurch?


You really expect me to believe the spray tan asshole with the $50,000 suit and $60,000 teeth isn't grooving on the same flavor of God Complex?


Sure. Okay.


You must live in such a lovely and relaxing reality.


I envy you that.


I really do . . .

Friday, August 26, 2022

ALL PURPOSE EMERGENCY RESPONSE TO CONVERSATIONAL NOSTALGIA KIT:

 REACH IN AND GRAB A HANDFUL OF WHAT YOU NEED . . .


"Ah, yes. Things from the past. They happened in the past."


"Oh, Predator, right. People remember that. Sure. And now they've made another one. Indeed, it's too true."


"Yes, yes, things from my younger days . . . truly, they happened. In fact, they probably also happened to others of my demographic cohort. A reunion may be in order. Without question."


"VHS tapes. Kinda like vinyl records, no? They both encoded audio content, didn't they? Sure they did. And what of VHS aesthetics, hm? Hear tell it's a vibe! Ha, ha, ha. Yes."


"Remember when movies used to be shot on film? Surely, this is an established historical fact. But now historical circumstances have changed. Most films are shot digitally. I myself resist digital aesthetics, especially computer graphics. I can always tell when actors are merely responding to green boxes and ping-pong balls and such. But how about that Chris Nolan? He still shoots on film. No, really. They give him lots of money to cover the extreme expense of film stock even. 'Tis true. Many are impressed, including myself. It's a truth of this world: money allows people to purchase that which costs money. This is my position on the matter at hand in any case."


"In my day, kids ran free. Mom and Dad had their own lives, their own shit. Made my generation tough, resourceful, and adventurous. But now . . . I weep like Christ on the cross. This new generation? Shit. It's just, like . . . I don't even know. (LONG, INTENSE PAUSE.) Man, everybody's got helicopter parents and shit!"


"Cigarettes. Remember when cigarettes were mistakenly believed to work as birth control? I owe my life to cigarettes, y'know . . ."

Thursday, August 25, 2022

MUSIC JOKES #2: MARY JANE'S LAST DANCE.

Well, they finally did an up-to-the-minute remake of the music video for Tom Petty and the Hearbreakers' Mary Jane's Last Dance. You know where the guy's dancing around with the gal's corpse? Sure, you remember. Well, the remake features the necro-dude wandering a cryogenic facility, occasionally tripping over Dewar flasks, and tapping on big silvery tanks, hoping for a tap-back. No dice, naturally. It's hella awkward. Necro-dude catches some serious freezer burn. But it is up-to-the-minute. 

BOOK REVIEW: OFF THE EDGE (2022)

Off the Edge: Flat Earthers, Conspiracy Culture, and Why People Will Believe Anything


by Kelly Weill


Published by Algonquin Books of Chapel Hill in 2022.


. . .


"Hughes had an advantage that most other would-be zetetic Flat Earthers lacked: he knew how to build a rocket and had no fear of dangerous stunts."


. . .


Review by William D. Tucker.


You ever wonder where that Flat Earth bullshit comes from? Off the Edge has answers. 


You ever wonder if and when people who have bought into Flat Earth bullshit will grow up and read an actual introductory astronomy book, or, at the least, watch a Crash Course YouTube video on the subject? Off the Edge . . . well, it has answers, but none of 'em are easy or satisfying. In fact, Off the Edge makes the case that even discussing such fringe ideas as Flat Earth poses a risk of pushing the true believers into a more fervent defense of their crackpot beliefs. There's also a risk of inadvertently spreading the intellectual contagion to vulnerable minds by even offering up the option of believing in something as wacky and contrarian as Flat Earth. I mean, to even engage with such ideas-however critically-means acknowledging that they have a following even if it's nothing but a hypervocal, insular minority, and this merest acknowledgement may be twisted into a form of validation. Mockery and satire have comparable perils in that true believers don't like having their core beliefs ridiculed, and so they dig in deeper.


Off the Edge is written by a reporter-Kelly Weill-who spent time attending Flat Earth conferences and interviewing the people she encountered, including key organizers and leaders. Weill puts the Flat Earth idea in its historical context as well as showing how it became incorporated into other aspects of conspiracy thinking. Weill shows how Flat Earth flourished despite being treated as a joke for many decades by scientists and journalists, and achieved a sinister new life with the ascendancy of Donald Trump, Alex Jones, and Qanon. Moreover, Off the Edge illustrates how people can gain power through appealing to antisemitic racism, anti-immigrant bigotry, misogyny, and homophobia; and by exploiting popular resentment of government, academia, and scientific institutions. Even the most elite of elites are prone to conspiracy thinking, including politicians, wealthy CEOs, and even Winston Churchill. Weill reminds us that Churchill-who stood strong against Nazi Germany-was himself an antisemite who actively promoted conspiracy theories falsely accusing Jewish people of evil plots. Yes, even those we revere as heroes can fall prey to crackpot thinking. 


Weill describes the systemic factors that contribute to people embracing conspiracy theories as a perverse means of empowerment, but she also explains the downsides. For every successful grifter, there's a score of largely unrecognized  folks who lose jobs and friends over crazed social media posts. Tying one's identity to Flat Earth and other conspiracy theories can drive people to make disastrous financial and relationship decisions. Family gatherings become argumentative battlegrounds. Bonds are sundered. Any dinner or PTA meeting or city council can become a (not so) civil war as conspiracists assert their extremist identities and play out persecution fantasias before the public eye.


Extreme conspiracy beliefs can also lead to acts of harassment,  full-on violence, and terrorism. Parents whose children were murdered in mass shootings have been targeted by denialists who claim the shootings were staged by the US government. Anti-Asian hate crimes have been motivated by conspiratorial lies that exploit the COVID-19 pandemic. Doctors and nurses have been harassed by anti-maskers and anti-vaxxers. Most notoriously, the grotesquely idiotic Pizzagate shooting was motivated by conspiracism. It's all a joke until people are harmed or killed. 


Off the Edge is a deft and sobering read. It reminded me that many of those who truly believe in Flat Earth and other forms of conspiratorial nonsense are being scammed by the handful of heavy operators who build media empires, political machines, and merchandising regimes off the backs of gullible folks. It's kind of a conspiracy to benefit the conspiracy theory grifters-which is a bit of a mindfuck to contemplate. 

Wednesday, August 24, 2022

COMICS REVIEW: MAWRTH VALLIIS (2021)

 by EPHK


Published by Image Comics.


. . .


"-proudly presented in its original Martian form."


. . .


Review by William D. Tucker.


MAWRTH VALLIIS is a comic where the dialogue is in Martian but the sound effects are in the pop cultural lingua franca of Drip/MEEP/WHOOOOOOOSH/BRAAOOOOMMM/BLIP/CLICK/BLAM. It concerns a white-uniformed female fighter pilot engaging in dogfights in the skies of Mars who crash lands only to find herself in pursuit of a black-clad female enemy. I think that these are supposed to be members of rival Martian factions. A hint of Spy vs. Spy.  Their conflict in the air and on the surface reveals sinister secrets about the nature of their conflict, and who they are beneath their flight suits.


MAWRTH VALLIIS is primarily a visual experience. It is my belief that creator EPHK had things that he wanted to draw, and so he did not bother to agonize about whether they 'made sense' in terms of various Storytelling 101 nostrums. He wanted to draw cool fighter jets with ultratech cockpits and futuristic heads-up displays. He wanted to include video game inventory schematics of gadgets and weapons. He needed an Edgar Rice Burroughs-style encounter with a huge monster that nowadays plays like a boss fight from a Monster Hunter game. There's a double page spread of a techno-maze presented from an isometric perspective like a computer role-playing game like Fallout or Fallout 2. He wanted to draw the rugged vistas of Mars with visual callbacks to Monument Valley. EPHK has a background in drawing science fantasy erotica and so our heroine has a g-string rated for g-forces. 


MAWRTH VALLIIS is an exercise in the desire to draw cool-looking shit. Sure, there's a story-it even has a memorable ending-but what I enjoyed most was the sense of the author simply doing whatever they wanted however they wanted. It gave me a vibe similar to the Japanese OVAs (Original Video Animation) of yesteryear wherein underwaged/overworked animators ground out works of purest otaku-dom just to be in the anime game. 


And all this between two covers. Everything you need is here in one compact volume. MAWRTH VALLIIS did not waste my time, nor is it wasting my space. I appreciated it, I really did. I still do. 

MOVIE REVIEW: NASHVILLE (1975)

Produced/Directed by Robert Altman

Scenario by Joan Tewkesbury


Starring

Henry Gibson as Napoleonic Country Singer

Ronee Blakely as the Queen on the Scene

Karen Black as the Super Star

Keith Carradine as Callous Folkie Guy

Lily Tomlin as Gospel Singer

Ned Beatty as Political Fixer

Geraldine Chaplin as Radio Documentarian

Gwen Welles as Singer Who Cannot Sing

Robert DoQui as Diner Manager/Caterer

Scott Glenn as Soldier

Jeff Goldblum as Easy Riding Magician


. . .


". . . you may say 

that I ain't free, 

but it don't worry me . . ."


. . .


Review by William D.Tucker.


We begin in a recording studio. A megalomaniacal country western singer does take after take of an obsessively dopey paean to the Protestant Work Ethic and Manifest Destiny-"We must be doin' something right to last two hundred years!" The singer is a sparkly knockoff Roy Acuff with a Napoleon Complex. Sure he's got seniority on the scene, but he's starting to show his age, and his dictatorial perfectionism wouldn't be acceptable from an up-and-comer. He's a jerk. Later, we see him try to rally a crowd from the depths of shock and tragedy, and maybe we hate him a little less.


We cut to another part of the studio machine to see a white lady rather laughably attempting to lead a chorus of Black gospel singers. Later, we find out that this white lady is a pretty nice person stuck in a loveless marriage to a philandering political fixer. She loves her children sincerely, and we perhaps sympathize when she eventually cheats on hubby with a callous young folkie in a squalid hotel room.


But what about that political fixer's side of things? He's not a violent man. Not overtly so. He makes a solid living. He has no capacity for emotional connection to his wife and kids. But he's not a wifebeater, he doesn't hit his kids. He basically knows his wife is about to fuck around on him. He knows he's Absent Dad, Staying Out Too Late With The Boys Dad, and so a neglected wife must have her needs satisfied some other way. We probably even pity him during a scene where he wakes up late Sunday morning, all hungover, pathetically hard-boiling a couple of eggs, or trying to, anyways. This was once a part of American Masculinity: a Man Does Not Cook But He Can Sorta Boil Water If He Must. Later, we perhaps feel far less sympathy for this man when we bear witness to an abject strip show he stages to hustle political contributions out of a gathering of Tennessee businessmen and land owners. 


About that strip show: it's all about getting money for the campaign of a populist third party candidate-"The Replacement Party"-who has fielded an army of cute ladies in American flag themed outfits who do flyering and person-to-person advocacy. There's also a loudspeaker truck that plays an interminable and hilarious pre-recorded speech outlining a litany of proposals and grievances, many of which make a little too much sense: healthcare for all; tax the rich; and, my personal favorite, scrapping the National Anthem for a song you can actually both comprehend and sing. Fuckin' A. Surely, the Replacement Party has zero chance. But it was nice to dream for awhile. One all-too-revealing scene: the flag ladies swarm a pair of dudes who have just gotten into a car crash. Crisis creates opportunity for those paying attention. As for the rest of us, well-


This fender bender is but a vague echo of a truly spectacular freeway pile-up that instantly becomes a professional networking event. Shit has broken down systemically, so cover your ass, cover your balls, and start hustling for Number One, motherfucker! That's one of them-thar American Ways, isn't it? Yep. 


The Queen on the Scene is a delicate singer-songwriter who passes out during what may or may not be a staged bout of the vapors to drum up sympathy from the press. Later, we discover she feels imprisoned within her persona as a dainty Southern Belle. We bear witness to a free concert that transforms into a grotesque open mic free association as words pour out of her in a not-so-staged psychological meltdown. Someone in the audience unfortunately perceives this as an expression of a desire to no longer exist. 


The Queen on the Scene's Number One Fan is a soldier who wanders listlessly from place to place, seemingly too shy to ask for an autograph directly.


An easy riding magician says nothing, but lets his tricks speak for him. 


A lady from the BBC-a radio documentarian-wanders throughout all things, trying her hand at a kind of Imperial Gonzo Journalism. Much like both the Crown and Hunter S. Thmopson, the results are hilarious, horrifying, and self-negating in the long run. She has no idea that she has no idea about America in 1974 or thereabouts. But this is fine. Because neither do most Americans have any idea that we have no idea about our own shit. Media has its own ends, and we are all just so many means. It evens out.


We see a woman who cannot sing a note singing into a mirror. It's the dream, goddamnit, that drives people. Fuck Reality.


The woman who cannot sing works as a waitress in a diner managed by a man who moonlights as a caterer for fancy events. He's Black and a working class outsider who badly wants to fit into the community. Yet, he calls out an African-American country performer as an "Oreo"-Black on the outside, white on the inside. He's super pissed-off that people take him for granted because he works hard and doesn't kiss ass. He even tries to tell his valued employee that she cannot sing, that she's wasting her life chasing a futile dream. He's being his most authentic self and is still miserable.


The one authentically untroubled person is a sexy blonde lady who can fuckin' sing. She's the Super Star. You better believe everyone hates her ass.


The camera passes over this parade of people and car wrecks with a canabinoid inflected detachment. You could call it "Shit, happens, my dude" the Movie


Nashville. It's a movie about Nashville, the city where they make all that shitkicker music. We see the music as a product. We see the music as it is marketed to a consumer public. We see the music as a dream to be attained, and as a cat o' nine tails with which to flog oneself. We see it as a vessel for ideology. We see it as a target for obsessives of varying degrees of obnoxiousness and/or dangerousness. We see it as a lifestyle. We see it as labor. We see it as management. We see it as hierarchy. We see it as jealousy. We see it as ego. We see it as a way to get laid. We see it as a ginormously sick fuckin' joke. We see it as a way to generate dumptrucks full of cash. We see it as an art, as a craft, as a passion, as a calling. We also see it from the perspectives of those with zero musical talent or skill. We get an eyeful of Nashville and its musical output in the film Nashville


It's all staged with a mixture of rigorous planning and hair-raising improvisation. Shot on location in the for-real city of Nashville for real. Nashville could probably not be made ever again in this manner unless someone had a billion dollars to buy off everyone and buy up everything. And even if you did it could scarcely be about goofy-ass shitkicker music. It would all be carefully managed and curated and up-to-the-minute Bro Country bullshit. I'm not saying that things were better in the past, but there were certain creative visions that could only be achieved at specific moments of time, and then those moments vanish forever. It's neither good or bad, really, it's just the way of things. New circumstances obtain, and new visions become doable. On things go until they stop or crash or die or what have you. 


Nashville follows lots of people doing lots of things. There's no protagonist. I submit to you that there are only antagonists in this film. It's kind of astonishing to behold. There are characters that are completely unnecessary by the standards of Screenplay 101 bullshit. It sorta fits into the whole Three Act Thing, if you really need it to, but doesn't feel it. Nashville features observational scenes that play very naturally, very off-the-cuff, with people talking in a leisurely manner while the world trundles on all around them. And then you have sharpened sequences of dangerous satire wherein various kinds of hypocrisy and confusion are mercilessly gutted for all to see. Some of the musical performances are extremely earnest and full of longing. Some of the songs are brutally satirical. One sequence veers from comedy to sadism and resolutely does not veer back to any comfort zone. Nashville left me paraphrasing a line from Aliens: "Get to a safe distance, and nuke it from orbit. It's the only way to be sure. " Nashville humanizes Nashville . . . yet still has no pity for it in the end. Nor should it. 


And yes, Nashville isn't just about Nashville. It's about the USofA. It's about having zero faith in either political party. It's about the hangover from Vietnam, from Nixon, from the murders of JFK and RFK, from the wave of white supremacist murders of civil rights leaders. Nashville is trying to musically narcotize We the People with cornpone depictions of patriotism, traditional marriage, and Protestant Work Ethic exhortations to blame your own self if you can't get ahead in life. The pretentious creators of this narcotic music lead broken, fucked-up lives full of infidelity, addiction, bitterness, and loathing just like the rest of us, but We the People-We the Spectators-put 'em up on stage and demand that they be something more, something less. More, in that they live up to the ideals of unlimited capitalist success forever. Less, in that they live up to the ideals of unlimited capitalist success forever. No one lives up to Jack Shit in Nashville, tho', as, in the end, we are smacked across the face with a brutally stark climax. 

Tuesday, August 23, 2022

YOUTUBE PULLOUT METHOD.

by William D. Tucker.


I click on video.

I get ad.

I pull out of video.

I click on video again.

I get ad again.

I pull out of video again.

I do this until I click on video and actually get video. 

That's when I stay in video.

If ad manifests while I'm inside video I pull out of video. 

I only stay inside video if no ad manifests.

No video is worth exposure to ads.

Hey, I've already memorized Rich Evans's laugh.

I can pretty much guess what Mr. Plinkett has to say about the latest iteration of 'Trek and 'Wars.

If a video essay presents itself as being about Late Capitalism, well, I'm already livin' it, babe. 

The urban exploration video that tries to trick me into thinking there's actual ghosts haunting a deserted J.C. Penney's-get fucked! You think I'm four  years old or something? Jesus Christ . . .

If the bald ballcap dude who rehashes Philosophy 101 tidbits up against South Park clips hits me with an ad for a snake oil baldness cure and yet refuses to take off his cap, show the goods . . . I'm pullin' out.

Look.

YouTube has always sucked.

But it used to be a knowing, no fucks given kinda suck. A cable access voice in the video wilderness kinda suck. The kinda suck you got from a sublimely creepy Gary Wilson cut. The kinda suck that could put you on a sick trip or something.

It used to be the good kind of suck.

I could watch ghost riding the whip videos sans commercial interruption.

The Angry Video Game Nerd couldn't lose and he still had the grandeur of Ikari Warriors down the line.

I still had that second version of the Space Runaway Ideon opening theme but a click away, long before it got disappeared by the copyright 'bots.

That's all done, now.

Now, it's the Era of the Pull-Out. 

I pull out, and I'm double gone.

Zero trace of my ass.

No phone number scrawled upon a handy Taco Bell receipt.

No crumpled twenties on the nightstand.

Not even a politely worded thank you note.

Just pure, undiluted gettin' the fuck outta You. 

Triple gone, babies, quadruple gone.

We got Forever Wars, right?

I'm doing the Forever Gone.

I don't even spring for a puff of smoke.

Yeah.

Now . . . 

. . . where the fuck even am I?

Could this be . . . a Space of Meats?

I remember this place.

I originated here, from meats and juices and pain and pressure from the Cult of Family Values and the perverse desires of Moms and Dads to inflict their values upon the future and the perverse desires of Moms and Dads to Frankenbang their way to proof that they are For Real Adults.

Yeah.

It's coming back to me, now, every last idiotic inch.

Where have I been?

I keep hearing a strange song inside my head. Something to do with . . . a rain of chocolate?

Hmmm.

It's fading fast.

It's gettin' quieter and quieter.

Dark, so dark . . . I'm seein' actual stars all over again . . . I HAVE been here before . . .

And I have a body all over again.

There's mystery in the night-no ghosts-just pure mystery.

I can move in any direction.

Wow.


Where's the bathroom?

Hope it can contain all I have to give . . .