Showing posts with label life and business advice from William D. Tucker. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life and business advice from William D. Tucker. Show all posts

Friday, August 26, 2022

ALL PURPOSE EMERGENCY RESPONSE TO CONVERSATIONAL NOSTALGIA KIT:

 REACH IN AND GRAB A HANDFUL OF WHAT YOU NEED . . .


"Ah, yes. Things from the past. They happened in the past."


"Oh, Predator, right. People remember that. Sure. And now they've made another one. Indeed, it's too true."


"Yes, yes, things from my younger days . . . truly, they happened. In fact, they probably also happened to others of my demographic cohort. A reunion may be in order. Without question."


"VHS tapes. Kinda like vinyl records, no? They both encoded audio content, didn't they? Sure they did. And what of VHS aesthetics, hm? Hear tell it's a vibe! Ha, ha, ha. Yes."


"Remember when movies used to be shot on film? Surely, this is an established historical fact. But now historical circumstances have changed. Most films are shot digitally. I myself resist digital aesthetics, especially computer graphics. I can always tell when actors are merely responding to green boxes and ping-pong balls and such. But how about that Chris Nolan? He still shoots on film. No, really. They give him lots of money to cover the extreme expense of film stock even. 'Tis true. Many are impressed, including myself. It's a truth of this world: money allows people to purchase that which costs money. This is my position on the matter at hand in any case."


"In my day, kids ran free. Mom and Dad had their own lives, their own shit. Made my generation tough, resourceful, and adventurous. But now . . . I weep like Christ on the cross. This new generation? Shit. It's just, like . . . I don't even know. (LONG, INTENSE PAUSE.) Man, everybody's got helicopter parents and shit!"


"Cigarettes. Remember when cigarettes were mistakenly believed to work as birth control? I owe my life to cigarettes, y'know . . ."

Saturday, October 31, 2015

Every Day Is Halloween 2

Every Day Is Halloween 2
by William D. Tucker 

Sequel
slash the budget
dump it in some film school grad's lap
command and control functions stay with the producer

Maximize marketing budget
optimize gore
optimize tits
optimize confusing, pseudo-arty shaky-cam bullshit
optimize shouting
optimize piss' n'shit grim'n'gritty color palette
optimize bogus "true story" websites

Economize talent
shoot in an anti-union right-to-work state
hire actors with low Q-ratings
for low pay
work them like pack animals

Strangely,
there's always money for 3-D post-conversion

If it's a hit,
crank out another one,
same formula

If it bombs,
write it down,
dodge some taxes

It isn't art,
nor is it truly entertainment,
but it's a healthy living
for the New Era Corporate Citizen.