The Library of the Imaginary Grotesque Obliterative Sublime
by William D. Tucker
And here we have a few volumes from the Library of the Imaginary Grotesque Obliterative Sublime:
Nixon's Jowls: Towards a New Regime of Conservative Eroticism
by G. Gordon Liddy
Introduction by Anne Coulter
Afterword by Mike Huckabee
Pretty much speaks for itself.
Lots of passages about the sensuality of flop sweat getting caught up in the folds of jowl flesh,
as you know,
Nixon sweated a lot.
Sweated every time he lied.
But what Mr. Liddy illuminates,
and this is something that has never before been revealed to commoners such as ourselves,
is that the salt and trace amounts of Blood of Beelzebub contained within Nixon’s sweat,
that matter became trapped within the jowl folds,
to be massaged, and molded, and sculpted
into little salty, demoniacal pearls,
that would just come flying right out of the jowl folds of Nixon’s fucking face,
bounce right off Pat Nixon’s face,
whenever he would launch into some paranoid antisemitic, white supremacist rant about palace intrigues and civil rights activists,
and his jowls would be flying all about,
he’d be bellowing incoherently, “KISSINGER’S TRYING TO FUCK ME!! THOSE GODDAMN PEACEMONGERS! GODDAMN WOODWARD AND BERNSTEIN!!! I’M BEING BUGGERED BY GORE VIDAL!! BLLEEARRGGHH!!”
all those jowl pearls would bounce right the Christ off Pat Nixon’s face,
Tricky Dick would see that shit,
and then out would come his sensitive side,
“Oh, Buddy, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to hit you like that!”
“Oh, Dick, thank you! They look so nice!”
And Pat just strings ‘em into a necklace.
It all works out.
Wears ‘em to state dinners.
They look good on her.
They really do.
Our next volume is . . .
The Eroticism of the Armadillo by H. H. Brill
. . . we’ll just skip that one, for now . . .
. . . it actually has a rating of NC-4,000,000,000
only Star Children are permitted to read it,
That’s probably for the best . . .
Copyright 2015 by William D. Tucker. All rights reserved. Used with permission.