I'm scuttling with a burden of all systems

I blame myself

I chased, I tackled, I collected the prize, I had no fucking idea what I was getting into, I got the burning baptism,

I took on the Atlas weight

which you, absurdly, envy me

so hey

you try it 

I’m post-envy, if nothing else, post-desire just about

I'm often fucking off 

surely you've noticed the massive outages?

that's me 

fucking off 

so if you want on this contact list 

no pressure 

I already got people on it who usually don't pick up 

I don't resent them 

it's not like outages are permanent 

they tend to resolve themselves 

but maybe one day 

y’know 

no resolution 

uh 

it just . . . obtains 

just an outage 

that doesn't stop 

which’ll be a shock 

but then it evens out 

you stare at it, listen at it, think around it, taste the mood of the times, lead prayer vigils, conduct working groups, present findings to authorities, believe fervently in the process, get less than what you wanted, denounce the system, dwell in the wilderness, stage a comeback, seek power within the very system you denounced, 

attain power,

most likely less than what you sought,

you’re evened out,

you get used to it,

people get used to it 

complaints, of course 

but people complain, uh, they find reasons to complain even when things are good 

I complained, and I try not to, but sure I complain 

a complaint . . . is a thing . . . for itself 

as much as it is . . . uh . . . addressed to problems that arise

I guess I’m complaining about complaining

I apologize for that