BURNING QUESTIONS IN A UNIVERSE OF MYSTERY #91:

How come we never get one of these Jeopardy champions to run for President?

Could be worth a shot . . .

THE NEW SIGNAGE #24:

ERODING FAITH IN HUMAN FUTURE ON PLANET EARTH NEXT 10,000 MILES.

YOUR DRAWING PROMPT #80:

A networking event indistinguishable from a car crash conclave.

FANTASY MASHUP FORCE #19:

A remake of The Irishman where the three leads are played by Easter Island moai statues . . .

THE NEW DREAM #47:

something to do

with

eerie microwave popcorn

that pops itself

but seems super resentful about it

and I’m frustrated

‘cause I’m perfectly willing to put it in the microwave, press the buttons, it’s all good

cut to

bewildering multi-generational strife

it’s fine

THE SECRETS OF FINAL TOWN 76

THE NEW OBVIOUS #41:

The main planks of the Trump/Republican/MAGA domestic platform are as follows:

-Throwing vaccines in the trash

-Climate change denial

-Burning down cancer research

-Burning down evidence based education

-Bankrupting farmers with tariffs

-Driving up the costs of housing, healthcare, and food

-Persecuting immigrant workers whose blood, sweat, and tears make the actual economy-not the stock market-run

-Violating 1st Amendment freedoms in order to shut down criticism, satire, and dissent

. . . and all of this seems calculated to create a country full of sick, silent, impoverished people with no access to knowledge and no hope for the future.

But the stock market’s doing great. So there’s that.

NOTIONAL HEADLINE #210:

GHISLAINE MAXWELL TO LAUNCH GOOP-A-LIKE LIFESTYLE BRAND IN ANTICIPATION OF FULL PARDON FROM EPSTEIN BESTIE TRUMP.

THE NEW SIGNAGE #23:

SIGNS FEATURING THE NUMBER 10,000 NEXT 10,000 MILES.

YOUR DRAWING PROMPT #79:

The false dawn of a staff roll fake-out.

FANTASY MASHUP FORCE #18:

Die Hard on the head of a pin sticking out of Hellraiser’s Pinhead . . .

NOTIONAL HEADLINE #209:

IN A HIGHLY NUANCED INTERVIEW, CANCER EXPRESSES CONFLICTING OPINIONS ABOUT THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION. “ON THE ONE HAND, I’M GRATEFUL FOR THE DEMOLITION OF ANTI-CANCER RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT . . . BUT IF PEOPLE CAN’T AFFORD FOOD AND HOUSING THEN THEY’RE NOT LIKELY TO LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO ALLOW ME TO GROW AND FLUORISH . . .”

THE SECRETS OF FINAL TOWN 75

EMERGENCE #5:

. . . sitting across from Libby and Snak, the silly hat at the center of the table, a yellow legal pad directly in front of me.

Moments before: Snak, Libby, and myself each carefully cutting up a sheet from the yellow legal pad.

We’re all looking at each other. And then we’re all reaching into the silly hat at the same time.

Moments before: Snak, Libby, and myself all trying to reach into the silly hat at the same time, and then we all immediately back away-who should go first, right?

We all back away from the silly hat, and not for the first time.

Moments before: a vision of the carefully cut strips of yellow legal pad paper floating up out of the silly hat, twisting and tumbling up through the air. I see a strip with the words CLIMBING DOWN printed in black ink seeming to present itself directly to my eyes.

Of course, I end up reaching into the silly hat first. My slip says SHOPPING EXPEDITION, but it’s not in my block printing style. I’m pretty sure it’s Libby’s spidery quasi-cursive style . . . 

CLIMBING DOWN . . .

Now Snak’s reaching into the silly hat . . .

CLIMBING DOWN . . .

Libby’s reaching into the silly hat . . .

CLIMBING DOWN . . .

All three of us look at our slips, look at each other, and now we’re back to the dilemma of who should go first . . .

F.A.Q. #21:

Q: William, what is best in life?

A: Playing Super Nintendo.

NOTIONAL HEADLINE #208:

CLEANUP EFFORTS STILL UNDERWAY FROM COAST TO COAST AFTER NATION WIDE VOMIT WAVE UNLEASHED BY THE RELEASE OF THE “BAWDY” EPSTEIN BIRTHDAY BOOK. IN A RELATED STORY, TRUMP IS SEEKING TO NATIONALIZE PIXAR TO PRODUCE A FEATURE LENGTH ANIMATED FILM OF THE EPSTEIN BIRTHDAY BOOK . . .

YOUR DRAWING PROMPT #78:

A sapient microchip infused with genetically-modified coelacanth DNA that orders only the most spectacularly sugary milkshake-esque coffee-adjacent beverage at the chain coffee shop for breakfast and lunch, followed by a sensible dinner.

FANTASY MASHUP FORCE #17:

Die Hard in a grain of sand . . .

THE NEW SIGNAGE #22:

MADDENING LOOP OF YESTERYEAR’S TOP 40 HITS NEXT 10,000 MILES.

THE SECRETS OF FINAL TOWN 74

SIMPLE PLEASURES #15:

Reading the Event Horizon novelization while listening to the Hausu OST.

THE NEW OBVIOUS #40:

Trump truly loved his friend Epstein. He loved him so much he drew him a custom birthday card. And now the entire public has seen this magical card. 

Now you know what caused that nationwide tidal wave of vomit this week.

NOTIONAL HEADLINE #207:

“IT’S ACTUALLY QUITE COZY.” IN A NEW INTERVIEW, TRUMP BESTIE EPSTEIN CLAIMS SPIRITUAL HELLFIRE DOESN’T CAUSE ANY PAIN IF YOU DON’T HAVE A CONSCIENCE.

YOUR DRAWING PROMPT #77:

A county-sized tire fire.

THE NEW SIGNAGE #21:

MADDENING GAME OF I SPY NEXT 10,000 MILES.

FANTASY MASHUP FORCE #16:

Charles Bronson vs. the Garbage Pail Kids . . .

THE SECRETS OF FINAL TOWN 73

THE NEW OBVIOUS #39:

When someone claims they’ve undergone “ego death” they inevitably become twice as self-important as they were when their ego was alive.

Presumably, the id is now in charge.

And don’t even ask about the super-ego. 

This is basically what happens to the monster in an episode of Power Rangers.

At first, the monster is roughly human sized. And then it gets defeated, it explodes, and then it comes back really big to get defeated again by the Megazords. 

So, whether you realize it or not, you may have grown up witnessing ego deaths on TV.

The ego gets whacked, and now the id of self-aggrandizement has been loosed upon the world.

It’s how it goes.

Have your titanic fighting machines ready to inflict the “id death” to complete the cycle . . .

SIMPLE PLEASURES #14:

That moment you stop looking for cryptids, and you become the cryptid.

PRECIPITOUS UPTICK IN YOUR PHOTOBOMBING ACTIVITIES . . .

LOADING SCREEN WISDOM #41:

ONCE YOU DEFEAT GOD CONSIDER SPARING HIS LIFE. HE MAKES FOR AN OKAY SUMMONS ATTACK IF YOU TRAIN HIM UP PROPER DURING NEW GAME+.