Saturday, October 31, 2015

Every Day Is Halloween 2

Every Day Is Halloween 2
by William D. Tucker 

slash the budget
dump it in some film school grad's lap
command and control functions stay with the producer

Maximize marketing budget
optimize gore
optimize tits
optimize confusing, pseudo-arty shaky-cam bullshit
optimize shouting
optimize piss' n'shit grim'n'gritty color palette
optimize bogus "true story" websites

Economize talent
shoot in an anti-union right-to-work state
hire actors with low Q-ratings
for low pay
work them like pack animals

there's always money for 3-D post-conversion

If it's a hit,
crank out another one,
same formula

If it bombs,
write it down,
dodge some taxes

It isn't art,
nor is it truly entertainment,
but it's a healthy living
for the New Era Corporate Citizen.

Thursday, October 8, 2015

Broccoli Gears

Broccoli gears
imagine giant gears
like you see in the obligatory clock tower stage
in one of those Castlevania games
teeth rotating into each other's gaps
mecha-comrades playing kissy-face
or something more X-rated.
I leave it to your imagination.
Now picture those giant gears
replaced by big, bulbous broccoli heads
florets grinding scandalously
into one another's intimate gaps . . .
. . . broccoli gears . . .