THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #42:

I’m so shallow that the Super Bowl just watches me for the ads.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #41:

I’m so gullible Reality TV believes I’m totally off-the-cuff spontaneous.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #40:

I’m so deep in the depths of ennui that interests and hobbies declared bankruptcy.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #39:

I’m so exuberant caution resigned from the board to “spend more time with family.” Sure, dude.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #38:

Most men dream of conquest. Conquest dreams of me. I dream of a byzantine system of subterranean tunnels that gives me exclusive 24/7 access to all restaurant kitchens to allow me to prepare my own meals whenever I desire.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #37:

I’m so phantom opera dropped a chandelier on me!

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #36:

I’m so home that a sense of endlessly wandering adventure begrudgingly admits that I have some very valid points in favor of my point of view.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #35:

In a world of fraught trade negotiations I’m so convincing’n’reassuring that friction packs it in, wills itself into non-existence . . . now everything’s crashing into everything, slipping off each other, careening all about, no lasting connections, nothing but evaporating consequences, absolute slip’n’slide paradigm for the duration, all clothes’n’costumes’n’props’n’tools escaping every body’n’every grasp with no end in sight, we are all who we are without all the stuff but with absolute restlessly zooming mobility . . . alas?

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #34:

I’m so door bell knocking gave up and went home.

LOADING SCREEN WISDOM #54:

BEWARE BELLIGERENT BOASTS.

BURNING QUESTIONS IN A UNIVERSE OF MYSTERY #103:

How come they never offered Genocyber DVDs with those adult Happy Meals?

F.A.Q. #37:

Q: If you could live in an alternate timeline, which one would you choose?

A: The one where Sam Raimi directed The Lord of the Rings in the style of Army of Darkness.

THE NEW SIGNAGE #38:

CAUTION. LEAPING SCARES NEXT 80 MINUTES.

NOTIONAL HEADLINE #271:

A NEW STUDY SUGGESTS THAT MANKIND’S QUEST TO DISCOVER THE KEN BONE WITHIN IS LIKELY TO BE ANOTHER FADDISH PURSUIT SIMILAR TO CRASH DIETING AND NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS UNLIKELY TO RESULT IN ANYTHING OF LASTING VALUE. MOREOVER, A CONTROVERSIAL NEW STUDY SUGGESTS THAT A RECENT TREND OF SURGICAL PROCEDURES TO REMOVE NON-CARCINOGENIC GROWTHS MAY IN FACT BE UNINTENTIONALLY EXCISING THE VERY KEN BONE PEOPLE ARE SEEKING WITHIN THEMSELVES. REGARDLESS, RESILIENCE EXPERTS GENERALLY AGREED THAT IF YOU WANT TO ACHIEVE ANYTHING OF LASTING VALUE YOU MUST FIRST BECOME A UNITED STATES PRESIDENT WHO IS ABOVE THE LAW, START VARIOUS FOREVER WARS, DEPLOY PARAMILITARY DEATH SQUADS TO TERRORIZE THE DOMESTIC POPULACE, ACCEPT BRIBES FROM TECH BROLIGARCHS, AND HAVE THE CONGRESS, THE SENATE, THE PENTAGON, AND THE SUPREME COURT KOWTOW TO YOUR EVERY DEPRAVED WHIM AND DICTATORIAL FANCY. HAPPINESS EXPERTS ESTIMATE IF YOU CAN DO ALL OF THAT THEN YOU MAY EXPERIENCE A MODEST UPTICK IN YOUR SENSE OF PERSONAL HAPPINESS AND CAREER SATISFACTION . . . STOCKS ARE UP . . .

YOUR DRAWING PROMPT #119:

A memory of fortuitous flatulence.