NOTIONAL HEADLINE #207:

“IT’S ACTUALLY QUITE COZY.” IN A NEW INTERVIEW, TRUMP BESTIE EPSTEIN CLAIMS SPIRITUAL HELLFIRE DOESN’T CAUSE ANY PAIN IF YOU DON’T HAVE A CONSCIENCE.

YOUR DRAWING PROMPT #77:

A county-sized tire fire.

THE NEW SIGNAGE #21:

MADDENING GAME OF I SPY NEXT 10,000 MILES.

FANTASY MASHUP FORCE #16:

Charles Bronson vs. the Garbage Pail Kids . . .

THE SECRETS OF FINAL TOWN 73

THE NEW OBVIOUS #39:

When someone claims they’ve undergone “ego death” they inevitably become twice as self-important as they were when their ego was alive.

Presumably, the id is now in charge.

And don’t even ask about the super-ego. 

This is basically what happens to the monster in an episode of Power Rangers.

At first, the monster is roughly human sized. And then it gets defeated, it explodes, and then it comes back really big to get defeated again by the Megazords. 

So, whether you realize it or not, you may have grown up witnessing ego deaths on TV.

The ego gets whacked, and now the id of self-aggrandizement has been loosed upon the world.

It’s how it goes.

Have your titanic fighting machines ready to inflict the “id death” to complete the cycle . . .

SIMPLE PLEASURES #14:

That moment you stop looking for cryptids, and you become the cryptid.

PRECIPITOUS UPTICK IN YOUR PHOTOBOMBING ACTIVITIES . . .

LOADING SCREEN WISDOM #41:

ONCE YOU DEFEAT GOD CONSIDER SPARING HIS LIFE. HE MAKES FOR AN OKAY SUMMONS ATTACK IF YOU TRAIN HIM UP PROPER DURING NEW GAME+.

BURNING QUESTIONS IN A UNIVERSE OF MYSTERY #90:

Do I need to actually watch the movie, or can I just stare at the poster for a long time and imagine my own version of the film inside my head?

THE NEW OBVIOUS #38:

Everyone is now walking around with their faces pointed down into screens.

All ages, all professions-no one’s watching where they’re going.

Someone could decide to go about with a club, whacking people on the head, robbing all of their shit, and no one would be able to provide a description of the attacker.

It’s amusing that things have come to this point.

NOTIONAL HEADLINE #206:

NEW POLLING INDICATES MOST AMERICANS OKAY WITH LIVING IN A FAILED STATE RULED BY DELUSIONAL, INCOMPETENT OLIGARCHS SO LONG AS THEY DON’T HAVE TO FEEL EMOTIONS.

NEW MERCH #5:

SPECIAL EDITION PHYSICAL MEDIA

Two Disc DVD.

All plastic components of case and discs sourced from certified Tyrannosaurus Rex bones.

Director’s commentary featuring life changing philosophical discourse from one of our finest living filmmakers.

Feature length behind the scenes making of documentary detailing the triumphs, tribulations, scandals, deaths, births, house warmings, guerilla warfare, high speed pursuits, fiery car crashes, tantalizing cryptid sightings, unexplained phenomena, ominous signs, propitious portents, and all sorts of things infinitely more interesting than the movie itself which was really just a too too precious attempt to make this generation’s widely praised people talking kind of movie-like Scenes From A Marriage or something like that.

So many deleted scenes that you could edit them into a new movie far superior to the actual movie you’re supposed to watch.

Coupons for pizza and energy drinks.

A sense of belonging.

Collectible packaging.

MAY NOT INCLUDE ACTUAL FILM.

NOTIONAL HEADLINE #205:

NEW SCIENTIFIC FINDINGS CAST DOUBT ON WHETHER MAGIC TEETH COME FROM FOREVER.

FANTASY MASHUP FORCE #15:

Take the music videos for Fatboy Slim’s “Right Here, Right Now” and Pearl Jam’s “Do the Evolution” and switch the songs around . . .

NOTIONAL HEADLINE #204:

CUTOUT CHEATING CRISIS ROCKS WORLD POCKET POOL CHAMPIONSHIPS.