Q: William, what is best in life?
A: Playing Super Nintendo.
by William D. Tucker
CLEANUP EFFORTS STILL UNDERWAY FROM COAST TO COAST AFTER NATION WIDE VOMIT WAVE UNLEASHED BY THE RELEASE OF THE “BAWDY” EPSTEIN BIRTHDAY BOOK. IN A RELATED STORY, TRUMP IS SEEKING TO NATIONALIZE PIXAR TO PRODUCE A FEATURE LENGTH ANIMATED FILM OF THE EPSTEIN BIRTHDAY BOOK . . .
A sapient microchip infused with genetically-modified coelacanth DNA that orders only the most spectacularly sugary milkshake-esque coffee-adjacent beverage at the chain coffee shop for breakfast and lunch, followed by a sensible dinner.
Trump truly loved his friend Epstein. He loved him so much he drew him a custom birthday card. And now the entire public has seen this magical card.
Now you know what caused that nationwide tidal wave of vomit this week.
“IT’S ACTUALLY QUITE COZY.” IN A NEW INTERVIEW, TRUMP BESTIE EPSTEIN CLAIMS SPIRITUAL HELLFIRE DOESN’T CAUSE ANY PAIN IF YOU DON’T HAVE A CONSCIENCE.
When someone claims they’ve undergone “ego death” they inevitably become twice as self-important as they were when their ego was alive.
Presumably, the id is now in charge.
And don’t even ask about the super-ego.
This is basically what happens to the monster in an episode of Power Rangers.
At first, the monster is roughly human sized. And then it gets defeated, it explodes, and then it comes back really big to get defeated again by the Megazords.
So, whether you realize it or not, you may have grown up witnessing ego deaths on TV.
The ego gets whacked, and now the id of self-aggrandizement has been loosed upon the world.
It’s how it goes.
Have your titanic fighting machines ready to inflict the “id death” to complete the cycle . . .
That moment you stop looking for cryptids, and you become the cryptid.
PRECIPITOUS UPTICK IN YOUR PHOTOBOMBING ACTIVITIES . . .