NOTIONAL HEADLINE #152:

PUTIN SPOKESMAN TRUMP BURNS DOWN US ECONOMY TO SATISFY THE GNAWING EMPTINESS WITHIN HIMSELF.

THE SECRETS OF FINAL TOWN 53

 

PEOPLE COMPLAIN . . . (#1)

. . . when you explain nothing, when you insist on mystery or ambiguity; and then they complain when you spell it all out, perhaps even accusing you of being didactic.

People complain.

LOADING SCREEN WISDOM #36:

IF YOU HAVE DIFFICULTY AFFORDING ITEMS IN SHOPS TRY OPENING A SHOP YOURSELF. BE SURE TO CHARGE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE FOR THE ITEMS YOU SELL. CONSIDER A RIGIDLY ENFORCED ‘NO REFUNDS’ POLICY.

BURNING QUESTIONS IN A UNIVERSE OF MYSTERY #85:

Wait a minute, hold the phone, everybody stop . . . do you mean to tell me . . . that the girl with the guitar in the DoorDash commercial still hasn’t become a globally famous singer/songwriter-that, in fact, she is still working for DoorDash?

Is that even possible?

Because the commercial led me to believe that with all that extra time on her hands she would surely be able to master her music, book those gigs, get ink on those contracts, and rocket off into the heights of legend as the latest and the greatest Indie sensation-or was I reading too much into the ad?

Maybe I was over-invested in the vision?

That would fit.

It would definitely explain all these instances of late of me walking full-on off cliffs and into gorges and blundering into barbed wire fences and electrified cattle enclosures-

-because I’m locked into those clouds above, addicted to the dream, a hopeless case . . .

THE NEW SANTA

YOUR DRAWING PROMPT #56:

Salad bar semiotics of the mid-1990s.

F.A.Q. #11:

Q: What’s your favorite fantasy weapon?

A: The Glaive from Krull. You could just pitch that thing and decapitate 10,000 soldiers all in a row. That works for me.

DUDE . . .

 . . . have you ever seen a more 1990s book than this?

I think not.

THE NEW SIGNAGE #10:

WELCOME TO POST-GOVERNMENT, WHERE THE COMPANY SHALL KEEP YOU COMPANY!

NOTIONAL HEADLINE #151:

WELCOME TO THE DELUXE DAY OF HEADLINES . . . A NEW TREND IS GAINING STEAM IN THE WORLD OF SIDE HUSTLE INCOME AS MORE AND MORE PEOPLE REPORT SELLING US WAR PLANS TO HOUTHI FIELD COMMANDERS. ALL YOU NEED TO GET IN ON THE ACTION IS A SIGNAL ACCOUNT. INTELLIGENCE ANALYSTS SAY THIS IS A DEFINITE PARADIGM SHART IN THE NORMS OF OPSEC THAT SUGGESTS IRREDEEMABLE CORRUPTION AND INCOMPETENCE ON THE PART OF THE TRUMP WHITE HOUSE, BUT GET THAT MONEY . . . A NEW STUDY STRONGLY INDICATES THAT FEELINGS OF IMPENDING DOOM REGARDING THE COLLAPSING TRUMP ECONOMY CAN BE ALLEVIATED BY TUBS OF ICE CREAM, BAGS OF ROAST BEEF’N’CHEDDAR SANDWICHES, AND VAST QUANTITIES OF INHALED MARIJUANA SMOKE. GRAIN ALCOHOL IS NOT AS EFFECTIVE, BUT MAY OFFER SUPPLEMENTARY RELIEF . . . IN RELATED NEWS MORE AND MORE AMERICANS ARE REPORTING A STRANGE BEHAVIORAL QUIRK WHERE THEY CAN’T HELP BUT REFER TO THEIR HOMELAND AS THE UNITED STATES OF TOAST AS OPPOSED TO THE UNITED STATES OF TOAST . . .

THE SECRETS OF FINAL TOWN 52

 

THINGS NEVER SAID #35:

“Comrade, babe, listen: I can’t do revolutionary cadre tonight, ‘cause I’m already late for the sock hop!”

SIMPLE PLEASURES #8:

Calculating how much flesh and blood I typically lose every time I transform into my mechanoid form a month in advance so I can go ahead and have the meats replacement reactor primed and ready to keep my normie identity in good repair.

F.A.Q. #10:

Q: What’s your favorite song titled after a name?

A: For me it’s a tie between “Lucille” by Little Richard and “Debbie” by Architecture In Helsinki.