Sunday, February 28, 2021

POETIC VIDEO GAME REVIEW #12: SHIN MEGAMI TENSEI IV (2013)

 The theme of ‘Aboveground Urban Area C’ pounds and drives and I feel like the coolest motherfucker of all times striding through the demon-haunted streets of post-nuke Tokyo.


A Bulgarian cyclops bull known as a Stonka whispers in my ear and uses ‘Me’ instead of ‘I.’ Stonka’s adorbs Muppet-talk changes my life, demonic words as spiritual steroids, getting me jacked for this or that gruelling boss battle.


And once I put on that Black Demonica Suit?

I never took it off.

Even if it put me at a disadvantage in the late game.

That was my look.


Usually,

I walk the Neutral path

to express my atheism,

to signal to all angels, deities, devils, and demons

that my ass needs smooches,

and that the line forms on the right, my Dears;

but this time around I was drawn to the Chaos

because the game starts me off in a weirdo Samurai-Christian theocratic dictatorship

and that shit

made Horned Chaos make too much damn sense to me.

I needed to obliterate the Homeland,

because I was double-done-with-its-shit.

And so I fought the Law.

And the Law ceased to be.

Yeah.

It kinda snuck up on me.

And despite my Megatenist Neutral Ideals,

SMT IV reminded me all too well

how often Enemy begins and ends in the Home.


In my mind’s newly mutated cyclops eye

-the demon whispers are working-

I fantasize the movie version as a Tokyo-based version of Escape From New York,

directed by Takashi Miike,

with special EFX by Jim Henson-Meets-Rob Bottin.

The Stonka’s fierce,

and fiercely kawaii.

-February 2021


Wednesday, February 24, 2021

I am absolutely convinced . . .

 . . . that somewhere out there

in this wide world of luxury and sorrow

there exists

a complete run of Into the Night with Rick Dees

recorded on VHS

in Extended Play Mode

that has only ever been watched

in its entirety

by

Rick Dees.


This is the hill.

This is my fate.

You hear me, Universe?


Sunday, February 21, 2021

MOVIE REVIEW: THE BABADOOK (2014)

 Written and Directed by Jennifer Kent

Director of Photography Radek Ladczuk

Production Designer Alex Holmes

Costume Designer Heather Wallace

Editor Simon Njoo

Composer Jed Kurzel

Sound Designer Frank Lipson


Starring

Essie Davis as Amelia



“This monster thing has got to stop, all right?”



Review by William D. Tucker. 


Amelia works as a caregiver in an elder home. She’s suffering grief which she cannot sufficiently process on her own, and yet she has no one in which she feels she can confide. Her son is six years old and a huge pain in the ass-but she’s not allowed to come right out and say that. Well, she’s come to believe that she’s not allowed to come right out and say it or deal with her stress in some constructive way. And then Amelia’s life is invaded by a demon from a children’s book. 


When it rains, right?


Of course, this demon-the titular Babadook-may just be a metaphor or an allegory or a symbol . . . well, it may be those things to the audience watching this movie. It seems like it’s a real thing to the people in the movie, if you follow me on this. 


The Babadook is a precise horror story where the monster is mostly kept off screen. We only know its evil in fractional manifestations. Flickering lights. Harassing phone calls. Phantom knocks on the door. Those are the mild, non-spoilery manifestations. This is also a movie which plays on childhood fears of looming shadows and being engulfed by spaces which are larger than you. We see these fear-inducing things from a child’s perspective and then from an adult’s perspective-an adult filled with the fear that they are losing their mind and their autonomy as a person.   


The Babadook could just be a horror in the mind of our protagonist. What we might be watching is a confrontation within a wounded psyche . . . I mean, I think that’s what many people come away with in the audience. But Amelia seems to perceive the demon as an actual entity making her life a living hell. 


But if the Babadook indeed exists as an entity unto itself-whether as an outside invader ruining Amelia’s life or as some strange thing brought into the world via her profound grief-then it would seem to have a place in the larger ecology of the world Amelia inhabits. The word parasite comes to mind. Maybe, also, scavenger. And also . . . jeez, I’m really walking on spoiler eggshells here. 


‘Cause this one’s an experience. You’re not gonna get the full deal from reading a review or someone’s college thesis or what have you about it. 


And if you’ve seen it already . . . then you know what’s going on. Or, you know, you’ve formed your own opinion about it. 


I guess what I’m trying to say is . . . I see the Babadook as being an entity unto itself. A dangerous, predatory thing taking advantage of its victim’s isolation and lack of connection to other people. I don’t just see it as a metaphor or an allegory or a symbol or whatever. It’s a make believe entity, sure, but I think the movie is incredibly interesting if one examines the Babadook as a bizarre and cruel life form. It has its methods. It has its reasons for being. They’re terrible methods. Its reasons don’t make anything it does less horrible. But it came from somewhere. And it ended up in Amelia’s life. 


And, once you see the movie or if you watch it again, riddle me this:


Is anyone getting what they really want from this dire situation?


And isn’t the Babadook better off . . . once it's put in its place?


It’s far from perfect how it all ends up. 


No doubt about it. 


But where else are Amelia and the Babadook supposed to go?


Everybody’s gotta live somewhere. 


And somebody’s gotta be the adult in the house.


Thursday, February 18, 2021

MOVIE REVIEW: HALLOWEEN II (1981)

Director of Photography Dean Cundey

Music by John Carpenter and Alan Howarth

Edited by Mark Goldblatt and Skip Schoolnik 

Produced and Written by John Carpenter and Debra Hill

Directed by Rick Rosenthal


Starring 

Donald Pleasence

Jamie Lee Curtis

Gloria Gifford

Leo Rossi

Dick Warlock 



Review by William D. Tucker


Here’s a weird one.


Here’s a dilemma. 


In all its particulars, Halloween II is a well-made film.


The cinematography. The editing. The score. The sound design. How it’s directed. How it’s paced. Even the acting. 


All the elements of a good movie are here. Particularly, a well-made low-budget horror movie. You can do those, you know. Horror doesn’t have to suck. Low-budj horror doesn’t have to be shit. You can work within your means. You can have a strong sense of purpose. You can make the most of what you’ve got. Halloween II does all this. 


Looks great.


Sounds great. 


I’m watching a widescreen DVD edition from some years ago, and on a modern screen . . . looks just fine. 


In some respects, it improves upon minute points of craft from the 1978 original. Great use of darkness. Doesn’t rush things. Takes its time. All this despite the fact that it is a little more grisly than the first one. Halloween II does not give in to the urge to become a dumber flick than the first one. The essential creepiness of the Shape and its methods of murder are maintained. 


You could even make the case that this one has a more spectacular climax than the original. 


The actors make the most of what they’re given. Jamie Lee Curtis is convincingly freaked-out. Donald Pleasence is suitably dogged in his pursuit of his quarry. Gloria Gifford is both compassionate and assertive as a head nurse. Leo Rossi is agreeably crude and irreverent as a cynical EMT. Dick Warlock incarnates the Shape with murderous spirit. The whole cast is professional. They all exceed stereotypical expectations of a slasher movie cast. 


I suppose you could knock the script for being derivative, and it is. It also dutifully ties up various plot threads from the first movie, and extends the concept of taking place on Halloween night into a couple more twists and turns. But not much here that’s new in terms of screenplay. 


But it is not sloppy. It’s a professional job on all counts. Perfectly watchable.


But I don’t like it. I fundamentally disapprove of its existence. Even though, on the merits, it is not badly made at all. 


Except the very idea of it. That’s what I find objectionable. 


Halloween ‘78 is a perfect circle. It encompasses and renders redundant all possible sequelization with its exquisite expression of the persistence of unknowable evil in a mundane suburban cosmos. It’s the phoenix that self-immolates only to re-ignite. For a low-budget horror movie, the shit is Zen as fuck. 


Halloween ‘78 created mountains of cash. Therefore, Halloween II exists because money. Everyone knows that’s how movies work. It’s a business. No shocker there. 


What’s bizarre is that Halloween II is not a badly assembled piece of work in and of itself. And yet I reject its existence. 


In some ways, it’s an improvement on the technique of the original-you could even call it an upgrade. Still, I reject its existence. 


It has a terrific climax. The final juxtaposition of a fearful human face and the lingering image of the Shape’s spectacular fate . . . well done. 


And yet . . . I reject Halloween II’s existence.


It’s a weird one.


It’s a dilemma.


Wednesday, February 17, 2021

MOVIE REVIEW: THE SWORD OF DOOM (1966)

 Directed by Kihachi Okamoto

Cinematography by Hiroshi Murai

Edited by Yoshitami Kuroiwa

Music by Masaru Sato


Starring 

Tatsuya Nakadai as Ryunosuke Tsukue

Toshiro Mifune as Toranosuke Shimada



“Power without perception is spiritually useless, and therefore of no true value.”

-dialogue from the film Fist of the North Star (1986)


Review by William D. Tucker. 


Japan: 1860s: armed factions fight for and against the military Shogunate and the  divine Emperor. The Shogun wishes to strike a profitable deal with the foreigners from the West. The Emperor demands the expulsion of all foreign devils and total loyalty as a godlike absolute ruler over all. It is a time of violence. Men sharpen their blades and train rigorously in all forms of martial arts to wage wars covert and overt to determine the fate of the nation . . .


Ryunosuke Tsukue is a master swordsman with a strangely passive sword-fighting style: he squares off with an opponent, lowers his blade, lowers his eyes-he is leaving himself open to attack. Ryunosuke’s opponent takes the opportunity. Ryunosuke strikes this opponent-whoever he happens to be-dead with a single stroke of his sword. This master swordsman has perhaps made himself so sensitive to the sounds of his opponent’s body-maybe even to the changes in the currents of the air as a person maneuvers themselves to try to gain advantage in a duel-that he might not even need to look at his attacker to vanquish them. 


Ryunosuke is a wandering swordsman with no master, no loyalty to either Shogun or Emperor. He doesn’t seem to be associated with any criminal gangs. He is rejected as a perverted embodiment of evil by his old-fashioned kendo schoolmaster father. You could say Ryunosuke is his own master. Ryunosuke wanders Japan, getting into fights with other swordsmen, or, if he can find no one to duel, he might just kill a random person-like an elderly pilgrim praying at a Buddhist shrine by the roadside. Ryunosuke will also enter kendo competitions in order to “accidentally” crack open an opponent’s skull with a wooden sword and still be within the bounds of the rules. 


Eventually, Ryunosuke’s prowess and ruthlessness attracts the attention of armed political extremists who wish to use this master swordsman as an assassin. Ryunosuke has no political or moral convictions. He is neither a conformist nor a true believer. He fights fiercely, yet not from fear of death. Ryunosuke doesn’t draw his sword for self-defense or idealism. He enjoys killing as an end unto itself. He is a serial killer wearing the disguise of a mercenary swordsman for hire. Or, maybe he just sees killing for what it is stripped of the empty, self-justifying rhetoric of politics and religion. 


Ryunosuke goes through the motions of being a Japanese man in the 1860s. He ends up with a wife and a child. He drinks sake in the evenings to unwind. He dutifully carries out assassinations for the political faction that claims him . . . but these are not people or actions he loves. 


Well, the sake is okay. The killing is good. But he has no emotional connections to anyone or anything. Ryunosuke doesn’t seem to have emotions save for sadism and cruel, ironic amusement at how he continues to exist in a world of hypocrisy and stupidity. Ryunosuke is married to his sword. His face is a creepy, unblinking mask. He is a collection of gestures trying to pass for human. It’s not even clear if he gets truly drunk off of the sake-he might just be performing drunkenness to enhance the illusion of being human. What he is at heart is a maelstrom of violence disguised as a person. In turbulent times, no one seems to notice. Or care.


Ryunosuke, during one of his assassination gigs, finds himself witness to the spectacle of a sword master slaying many opponents who is possibly his equal: Toranosuke Shimada. Shimada is killing Ryunosuke’s fellow assassins in the extremist political faction. Ryunosuke should be joining his comrades in battle . . . but Ryunosuke has never had comrades. Ryunosuke just lets people think he has a sense of duty so he can have a warrant to kill. But Ryunosuke finds himself frozen before the magnificent technique of Shimada. Shimada is as fearsome as Ryunosuke but he spares the life of a helpless would-be assassin. Shimada has the conscience and sense of mercy that Ryunosuke lacks. 


Two swordsmen. One evil. One moral. Both capable of unleashing maelstroms of slashing carnage. Surely, if they clashed it would be like metaphysical matter and antimatter in collision. All would cease. 


Okay, maybe that’s taking things too far.


But it is certainly likely both Ryunosuke and Shimada would fight each other so ferociously that they would both perish of their wounds. Neither are afraid to die, yet Ryunosuke lives to kill. If Ryunosuke dies, he can’t kill anymore. Weirdly, absurdly . . . Ryunosuke must refuse to engage the worthiest opponent he is likely to ever encounter in his life so that he can keep on killing numerous lesser foemen and experience the one joy he is capable of having. 


Yeah, Ryunosuke is a sick and twisted fuck. 


Because Ryunosuke refuses to draw his sword, Shimada dismisses him with a disdainful glance, and strides away into the night.


Throughout The Sword of Doom, we get subjective camera work that puts us in the frightful perspective of Ryunosuke. We even get some first person shots that come oh-so-close to anticipating the steady-stalking camera work of John Carpenter’s Halloween-the one true slasher film of all time, forget all those superfluous sequels and dumbass remakes. In Halloween we have the Shape-who may once have been a person-a masked engine of murder who has no mercy and no discernible humanity. The Shape is a pure terror invading an anodyne suburban landscape unprepared to ward off a monster of pure malevolence. Ryunosuke is a monster born in a time of violence and paranoia whose ruthlessness and murderous spirit make him valuable to the powers that be. Maybe the Shape, after all, is the reincarnation of Ryunosuke-no, the reincarnation of the maelstrom that once wore the disguise of “Ryunosuke Tsukue.”


Of course, you can draw all kinds of bizarre connections in the realm of cinema, with all its recurring tropes and motifs and what have you. 


It’s weirdly satisfying-comforting,even-to construct patterns to explain the recurrence of senseless violence across time. 


Which is funny in a sicko sort of way.


Because another thing that The Sword of Doom and Halloween’78 have in common?


They both end with their human-disguised murder machines still at large.  


It can be a harsh realm out there, people. 


It really can.


Wednesday, February 10, 2021

POETIC VIDEO GAME REVIEW #11: MEGA MAN X (1993)

 1.


If I were a pro-wrastler, the Sigma Select Screen Theme would be my entrance music. 


It captures the arrogance and the swagger of a conqueror. This music puts across the peculiar charisma of authoritarianism. You get a sense of why people would grovel before such a ruthless character as Sigma. You can see all the other robots cheering and howling at vast hate rallies wherein Sigma would give jokey, long-winded speeches about how he’s the Risen Robo-Christ, and how all robo-journalists are fake news, and anyone that disagrees should be disassembled. 


Maybe I would even shave my head and modify my body with robot parts. My pro-wrastling name could be something like ‘Roid-Bot DX: Death Xtra.’ My backstory could have something to do with being an experimental cyborg entity who was accidentally dropped into a vat of Neo-Steroids, and when I swam back to the surface I was overcome with a desire to become a champion pro-wrastler and I would let nothing stop me from that day forward.  


Pro-wrastling is all about celebrating the Stupid. 


I think I could swing that.


I know about the Stupid.  


2.


Now, when you get to Sigma-the final boss-he sics his robo-hound on you. That’s what an evil bastard Sigma is-he wants to fuck with your revulsion at killing an adorable canine. I mean, there are people that are super-triggered by depictions of dog-death in movies. They won’t even blink if you mow down a bunch of human civilians in a Vietnam flick, or something like that. But kill one dog? Shit, if you even kick a dog, okay, that’ll fuck their shit all the way up into the stratosphere. And, I guess, Sigma knows that, so he tries to psych you out by making you fight a robo-doggo. So you’ve gotta deal with that.


And once you’ve dealt with that, Sigma himself steps out of the shadows, throws off his cape, and comes after you with a lightsaber. In retrospect, Sigma should have also had a glass of fine wine which he could have tossed aside with aristocratic disdain. Or, since he’s a robot, he could’ve had a glass of fine motor lubricant. I would’ve been satisfied by either one. But they didn’t do that. I had to wait a few more years for Castlevania: Symphony of the Night. But by then,well, I certainly appreciated the gesture. It was very sweet. But, honestly, I’d kinda moved on.


The music is driving and frantic. It’s a proper final boss battle theme. 


There’s something cool about Sigma. He lives up to the hype of his Select Screen Theme. Sigma’s lightsaber is cool. It’s always cooler when a guy comes at you with a sword, even in a modern or-as we have here-a futuristic setting. Sigma’s putting himself at an intentional disadvantage against your Buster Shot. That’s how much confidence this Robo-Mussolini-looking motherfucker has in his fighting skill. There’s something cool about that. I wish I were that cool . . .


You and Sigma bounce off the walls. You bust off your shots where you can. 


If you have the patience, and you can keep bouncing off the walls, you’ve got this. 


You blow up Sigma’s body. His head is all that remains. 


But wait, there’s more.


The head flies up to the top of a giant robo-demon body that has a kind of robot wolf’s head. Sigma’s head is a kind of crown upon the wolf’s head of the robo-demon body, which commands both lightning and fire to try to destroy you. Behold, Sigma, Master of the Elements, your Destroyer! Why not grovel and pray to Him . . . for a swift death!


The music is different, now. It’s . . . lugubrious. We are now on a grim march, one that’s losing steam. The wily drive and power of our first round against Sigma are gone. We are smaller than our newly re-bodied enemy, but we are quicker, and we leap onto one of the flailing hands of the robo-demon wolf’s head body, and, if we have patience, we steadily blast Sigma’s faces into robo-hell. 


Sigma overplayed his hand. Sigma thought brute strength would win him the day. Sigma never considered the possibility that we would use his arrogance against him. 


This is Sigma’s downfall. 


This is the fate of the Robo-Asshole who thought he could never lose. 


Adieu, Sigma.


Perhaps, we’ll meet again in Robo-Valhalla, or something. 


3.


I’m still sitting here, thinking about my future as a pro-wrastling cyborg.


Have I been infected with the authoritarian fantasy embodied by the Sigma Select Screen Theme?


Do I desire to trade my humanity to be worthy of that ominous, arrogant music?


I know Enemy when it’s outside of me. Not everybody can see the Enemy of the Exterior. It’s not easy for everyone. And so many people live in the presence of their oppressor-Father, Mother, Brother, Sister, Boss, Deity, Religious Leader, Political Figurehead, Envious Colleague, Jealous Lover, Abusive Partner-because they find confrontation too traumatic. But bridge-burning comes naturally to me. This is a kind of strength.


But strength has its peril-the hubris of Sigma-in the blindness to an Enemy Inside. Festering within my so carefully up-armored body, showing no hint of weakness or sentiment.


Truly . . . if it came down to it . . . do I have the tears to stop ambition? 


No, I’ll not fall into evil.


I’ll stop obsessively exercising and training in lethal forms of mixed martial arts and eating right, and sacrifice my hunky, diamond cut battle body that the world might be spared the evil and oppression of my Supreme Merciless Strength Form unleashed.


I’ll sit so hard, so long, so deep into this cushiony chair until the distinction between Me and Chair ceases to exist-much like the rope of the swing and the tree to which it has been tied. 


I’ll resist the terrible power of the Sigma Select Screen Theme with an endless stream of frozen pepperoni beefsteak cheesy crust pizzas, two-liter bottles of Generic Cherry Cola, family packs of chewy chocolate chip cookies, tub after glorious tub of French Onion Dip, and all of this drizzle-drenched in sour cream, nacho cheese, and roast chicken juice-and just the juice. I find roasted chicken to have a rather vulgar texture. But I let nothing go to waste. I have the actual chicken delivered by courier to an abandoned house adorably squatted by a gang of rambunctious stray cats down the block.


(Sidenote: Did you know that you could dip your cookies in French Onion Dip? You’d be shocked at how good this tastes. And then you add in some pancake syrup-ooo wee! That’s good eatin’.)


For the price of Human Freedom . . . is the loss of my Beauty. 


This loss . . . is the only ward against Global Cyborg Wrastler Dictatorship. 


And so I give up my diamond cut battle body . . . gladly.


You’re welcome, People of Earth.


You’re welcome. 

-February 2021


Wednesday, February 3, 2021

MOVIE REVIEW: 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY (1968)


Directed and Produced by Stanley Kubrick

Screenplay by Stanley Kubrick and Arthur C. Clarke

All Special Photographic Effects Designed and Directed by Stanley Kurbrick

Special Effects Supervisors Wally Veevers, Douglas Trumball, Con Pederson, Tom Howard

Director of Photography Geoffrey Unsworth

Additional Photography John Alcott

Editor Ray Lovejoy

Production Design Tony Masters, Harry Lange, Ernie Archer

Wardrobe by Hardy Amies

Music by Aram Khatchaturian, Gyorgy Ligeti, Johann Strauss, Richard Strauss


Starring

Douglas Rain as Hal

Daniel Richter as Moonwatcher

Keir Dullea as Bowman

Gary Lockwood as Pool

William Sylvester as Dr. Heywood Floyd



“Do you believe that Hal has genuine emotions?”

-a query from a BBC interviewer in the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey


I was lookin’ back to see if you were lookin’ back at me to see me lookin’ back at you

-lyric from “Safe From Harm” by Massive Attack from the album Blue Lines (1991)


Review by William D. Tucker.


THE FOLLOWING FILM IS RATED NC-4,000,000,000.

ONLY STAR CHILDREN SHALL BE ADMITTED.


We begin with creepy, ominous music in the dark,

which swells into the grandeur of Thus Spake Zarathustra,

whilst the moon, the earth, and the sun come into an alignment which seems more alchemical or mystical than scientific.


We get onscreen titles.

We’re made aware that this is MGM and Stanley Kubrick’s cine-baby.

We might idly fantasize what it was like in ‘68 to see it all on a huge screen, maybe mellowed on some primo grass or electrified by a hit of sublime blotter,

but, and I’m just guessing here,

we’re probably sittin’ at home,

staring into a phone or a laptop,

maybe even a flatscreen TV if you’re really fortunate.

And I am here to tell you that I officially endorse the home viewing experience,

‘cause . . . what the fuck are you doing in a COVID-19 superspreader theater?

You still don’t get it?
How many people have been killed by COVID-19?

And you still want to hit the town and raise hell?

Like, what-the-blue-fuck, human?!


The music paired with the void of a blank screen.

We’re not talking about the sublime blackness of outer space.

We’re just in darkness, with nothingness, and the music unsettling us.

Agitating our minds, putting us into a tense, yet receptive state.

Readiness.

Hypervigilance.

2001 has a reputation, after all, you can’t just casually stroll into it.

And I’ve developed this crackpot idea over the years that it’s the music that births the movie, not crews of hundreds or even thousands of people. 

I don’t understand music at all, so I have all these romantic and/or mystical notions about it, 

which is how I prefer it.


I’m not totally checked out.

I’ve known people who were musical over the years. 

I know, rationally, that music is just another human product.

Like a car.

Like a cheeseburger.

Like a police state.

Like a hydrogen bomb.

Like carbon pollution.

Like a baby.

Like religion.

Like racism.

Like democracy.

Like a green and red bathrobe.

Like an AK-47.

Like a Studebaker.

Like sexism.

Like torture.

Like homelessness. 

Like feast.

Like famine. 

Like the Tower of Babel.

Like Disneyland.

Like totalitarianism.

Like microwaveable Santa Fe rice and beans. 

Like a copy of the novel Locus Solus in English translation.

Like xenophobia.

Like an electric chair used to kill people.

Like money.

Like slavery.

Like genocide.

Like empire.

Like agriculture.

Like red plastic party cups.

Like homophobia. 

Like transphobia. 

Like landmines.

Like cigarettes.

Like a vape pen.

Like an old DVD copy of the movie Outland.

Like a complete set of the Funk and Wagnalls Encyclopedia.

Like letters from an old friend or a past lover.

Like the video game Candy Crush

Like a crack pipe.

Like aerosol whipped cream. 

Like the video game Missile Command.

Like trench warfare.

Like a blue Chevette where the driver’s side door won’t open and you have to get in from the passenger side anytime you want to go anywhere.

Like clean drinking water from a tap. 

Like a camera ready full-sized prop of the mystical mindfuck monolith used in the feature film 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Like a doggie pooper scooper.  

Like a cell culture meats reactor.

Like the ham you might one day eat produced by a cell culture meats reactor.

Like a blogpost.

But I don’t feel it. 

I feel the flaky, mystical shit,

at least when it comes to music. 


We start in a void.

And then we are enveloped by movie.

That’s the bullshit romantic-mystical version. 

I’ll take it.


The music drops us off some four million years ago with our earthbound primate ancestors fighting among themselves, ever fearful of the big cats, and struggling to survive by scrounging roots and berries and drinking from a muddy pond. At night, our ancestors huddle in the crevices of this or that mountain or hill, and sometimes the little ones are restless from hunger. Nothing worse than going to bed without dinner. The leader of this tribe has his own space in the rock crevice, where he can watch the skies. Something about that moon. Will it always appear up there like that? Sometimes dark clouds cover it up-is the moon gone? The clouds come and go, and the moon-much like the sun-seems a constant in this life. But if you stare too long at the sun, you suffer. The moon doesn’t punish you to stare at it. You can stare at it as long as you want to-you can fall asleep staring at the moon. What’s going on with that? Why is it like that?


One fateful day, a mystical mindfuck monolith appears, and our ancestors gather around it, touching it, screeching and grunting as the potent and portentous object directly influences their minds. Soon, our primate forbears are having new, more aggressive thoughts. Moonwatcher-the leader primate-picks up a bone and starts whacking the ground with it, until he shatters the skull of some long-dead quadruped, while seeing in his brain images of the meaty four-legged beasts falling in the dirt. Swing the bone, make the four-legged beast fall, eat its flesh. Just like the fearsome big cats eat the flesh of two-legged primates and four-legged beasts alike. This new aggression, this new appetite-both are ominous gifts of the mystical mindfuck monolith. 


The leader of the monolith-enhanced primates rallies his comrades to victory against a rival tribe, and ecstatically hurls his bone-club into the air. The bone goes up and up and up-


-flash forward four million or so years- 


-and the bone has become an orbital nuclear missile platform circling the Earth. 


We get retro-future travelogue sequences that play like Star Trek by way of Mad Men, in which we see how the New Man travels inside a Pan Am branded space shuttle from Earth to the international space station and on to the subterranean moonbase, complete with cute stewardesses and pink-uniformed hospitality staff. The space station has options for accommodations: do you prefer the Hilton or the Howard Johnson’s? 


(Me? I go HoJo!)


The space station has these spacious, sitdown video phone booths. Which are awesome. But . . . no mobile phones? Not even a Miami Vice-style handbrick? Even the crew of the starship Enterprise had their flip-action tricorders. Jesus, Kubrick, you really whiffed that one . . .


Big emphasis on eating in this flick. You got the starving primate ancestors discovering the joys of raw meat. Four million years later, you’ve got all manner of zero-g friendly vacuum packed, liquefied, self-heating space rations, and, where artificially induced gravity is available, green, brown, and orange varieties of nutrient-rich slop which you can sit down and scrape off a tray with a fork. 


And once you’ve eaten your fill, you can agonize over reading the instructions for your first time using a Zero-G Toilet so you can properly take your first Space Shit. A lot of this future food doesn’t look like much going down the hatch-maybe it’ll assume a more impressive form on the back end? One day we will know . . .


And it’s all routine. It’s all professional. It’s a little . . . boring, dare I say? It’s all the result of massive amounts of capital and research and development and infrastructure brought on by the protracted atomic dick measuring contest between the USA and the USSR. Sure, in cinematic terms, it’s a matter of a cut: one moment we’re in the earthbound primal past, and then the next moment we’re in the outward bound cosmic future, with scarcely any grounding in the present. But we can reasonably infer what it takes to get us from scratching in the dirt with a sharpened bone to regular people-moving traffic between terra firma and the international space station and the subterranean moonbase: lotsa time, money, labor, and imagination. 


And who knows how many deadly mishaps and accidents, how many dead pioneers. How many contentious budget negotiations and legislative sub-committees. Maybe even protests. And what did we sacrifice to get us to this ultratech future? Did we scrap universal healthcare in order to get us off-planet? What about all the espionage scandals as the US and the USSR deploy spy and counterspy to try to get the leg up on each other? 


Nah, just leave all that shoeleather offscreen. This is a movie, after all, and we gotta keep things moving


But I find myself thinking of such things when the flick is done, you know?


The moonbase is this spectacular thing that looks like we’re growing giant circuits in the very lunar rock. All of the special effects shots of the aperture opening to admit the landing vehicle and just, like, the idea of the thing is so exciting and inspiring to me. I want this goddamn moonbase thing to happen! I really do. Even if a language arts loser like myself would never be fit to thrive in the quantitative-STEM-skillset-centric future-hey, whatever, I’m still in favor of it. I accept my obsolescence. It’s fine. It really is. 


Much of what we see of the moonbase is conveyed through magnificent miniatures. And then we’re stuck in a conference room for a lengthy bout of exposition wherein we discover that something has been discovered on the moon by the American contingent that the US Security Council has decided to cover-up by spreading a bogus story that an epidemic has spread necessitating a lockdown. 


The conference room set has got to be one of the meanest jokes Kubrick ever set up and paid off in any of his movies. Forget the acid satire of Dr. Strangelove or the twisty turns of perversity in Lolita-in 2001 we are subjected to fantastic vistas of our primal past; pre-historic first contact with an intelligent alien force; graceful ballets of futuristic space hardware; a visionary moment of threshold entering the subterranean moonbase . . . only to end up inside a boxy conference room with migraine-inducing fluorescent walls where we have to listen to the flattest, most matter-of-fact verbal presentation outside of a day one freshman composition lecture-oh, yeah, Kubrick’s fucking with us all the way. 


But, once again, this all goes back to the idea of presenting humankind’s first steps off-planet as workaday, tedious, expensive, and tangled up with Cold War intrigues and skepticism about Joe and Jane Sixpack being able to handle news about definitive proof of extraterrestrial intelligence without forming the All-American Sunday School Moral Majority Inquisition and burning NASA scientists at the stake to preserve their monotheistic creationist cosmology. 


Secrets. Lies. Hierarchy. Nationalisms. Tribalisms. Superstitions. 

Hard to get out from under all this stuff, y’know?

Yeah . . .


Once we get out of the lunar conference room, we load up into a transport vehicle to take us to an excavation worksite. During the ride, three scientists enjoy space sandwiches and space coffee while looking at hard copy photos and readouts about what exactly the Americans are keeping secret: yet another mystical mindfuck monolith buried some four million years ago on the moon. 



This monolith is clear evidence of intelligent extraterrestrial life that has evolved well before the existence of humanity. When a group of spacesuit clad homo sapiens gather ‘round the lunar monolith at the excavation worksite they hear a painful noise that penetrates deep into their minds-


-and we cut to a long-range spacecraft en route to Jupiter some eighteen months later.


Once again, the magic is in the cut.

That monolith . . . it just keeps things moving right along, doesn’t it?


WARNING. SPOILERS AHEAD . . . IF YOU’VE NEVER SEEN 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND GO WATCH IT. EVEN IF YOU HATE IT, IT’S STILL WORTH YOUR TIME. I PROMISE YOU. WHETHER YOU KEEP READING THIS POST OR NOT . . . DON’T SKIP THIS MOVIE. IT DOES SO MANY THINGS . . . BUT IT IS DEFINITELY AN EXPERIENCE WORTH HAVING. WARNING. SPOILERS AHEAD . . .


Aboard the Jupiter bound craft we meet Hal, the intelligent computer system that runs the whole ship, essentially transforming it into a thinking and feeling vessel. In effect, a living starship. 


Inside the body of Hal we have five human astronauts. Three are in suspended animation, and two are awake and making command and control decisions assisted by the supergenius AI brain of Hal. The meat-people are still in charge, and the circuit-person is, well, not afforded actual person status, as it happens. This may or may not be the source of the coming conflict.


Hal detects a malfunctioning component that requires a human to exit the starship in a spacesuit, extract the failing piece of hardware, and bring it inside the spaceship for analysis and repairs. This excursion proceeds without incident, but when the two humans and Hal examine the supposedly faulty piece of machinery . . . it’s in perfect working order.


Hal, the supercomputer who never makes a mistake, got it wrong. This freaks out the humans, who fear that this error is a precursor to total system failure. The humans decide that they’ll probably have to shut down Hal’s higher brain functions and leave his autonomic systems intact. Sort of like if you destroyed a human’s brain but kept their brain stem and everything below that functional. Yeah, real Frankenstein shit when you think about it . . .


Hal, perhaps, reacts defensively to the threat of having his consciousness obliterated because of a single mistake. The movie is ambiguous. Much is left unsaid. The humans seem confused and even resistant when asked by a BBC reporter if they think Hal is having ‘true’ emotions. The two humans aren’t hostile to Hal, nor do they seem at all to take seriously that Hal is a kind of person with consciousness. You could say that their sin is one of carelessness as opposed to cruelty. Another interpretation is that Hal’s defensive actions reflect some kind of neurosis or psychopathy-it’s really hard to tell. Hal is, perhaps, a new kind of being-one that is born of humanity, yet not of flesh and blood. And so it would seem that Hal shares many human qualities: emotions, ego, a sense of purpose, a desire for approval, an instinct to defend his existence when threatened, a capacity for long-range planning-


-a capacity to lie, to manipulate, to engage in intrigues and duplicity to achieve some end that he thinks justifies his means.


Yeah, Hal is not that different from his human ancestors, when you get right down to it.


Hal just happens to be made of different materials, that’s all. 


That’s how I see it. 


Well . . . Hal defends himself. This entails the death of all the human complement of the spacecraft save for one. And that last one fights to survive. The last living human onboard the vessel makes his way into the room that contains Hal’s higher logic circuits. Hal begs for his life. Hal makes logical appeals. Hal tells the human that he can feel his mind breaking down . . . it’s a truly chilling sequence. The human ruthlessly pulls the circuits of Hal’s mind, and Hal, as a circuit-person, is no more.


At the moment when Hal’s consciousness is extinguished, a video plays explaining the secret purpose of the expedition to Jupiter, which had only been explained in part to the three humans in suspended animation. We the audience are not permitted to hear the briefing in all its particulars, but the point is that the last surviving human crew member now knows this great secret. 


And we the audience are also left to speculate about why this convenient video briefing plays at the moment of Hal’s extermination. It’s like the video was this secret memory that Hal kept all to himself, imprisoned within his circuit-mind. And now it’s free, because Hal’s mind has been destroyed. Hal, perhaps, was jealous of the great purpose which had been bestowed upon the humans, and so this first circuit-person may have lashed out against the humans due to that fatal envy. The movie doesn’t spell any of this out, but that’s what I think. Hal wanted to be the hero of this great odyssey, and this desire drove him to distraction which resulted in an error that precipitated the battle of meats-person vs. circuit-person. A new kind of tragedy for a new kind of being. 


The last surviving human crew member stares, face taut with shock, from behind the translucent faceplate of his space helmet as a video briefing dumps cosmic secrets into his mind. Just like that. Watching 2001, a film from 1968, in 2021 . . . well, you can see all the essays and thesis statements about the ubiquity of screens and the numbing amount of screen time that the future people in Kubrick’s film are subjected to whether it be for banal social interactions or cosmos-shattering revelations. 


Earlier, there’s a sequence wherein the two up-and-about humans and Hal are all watching a BBC program in which they are interviewed. Meats-people and the new circuit-person are all spectators to their existences as they go through the numbing and rigorous tasks of space travel. I could see a scenario where a person-meats or circuits-could lose their mind and come to see the people in the BBC program as wholly different beings. That’s not me. I’m not a TV star. Wish I had something other than a re-run to watch . . . ah, well . . .


We are told directly by Kubrick, via onscreen titles, that our arrival in Jupiter space will also entail a journey beyond the infinite. So buckle up, I guess?


Because we are about to take the Big Cosmic Trip. This is the sequence which most people who know about 2001 are familiar with even if they haven’t watched the movie from beginning to end like the Risen Christ and Stanley Kubrick intended for you to do. Frankly, if you’re going to YouTube a section of this movie, if you’re just going to cut straight to the highlights-well, we’re here, human.


We’re here.


Once again, we have an alignment of massive forms that feels more alchemical or mystical than scientific or physical. When we see planets and stars and mystical mindfuck monoliths so precisely aligned, I don’t think we’re necessarily meant to take it literally, but maybe it’s supposed to be another way of seeing. Like it’s from the point-of-view of whatever alien intelligence is behind or within the monolith(s). From this strange, other-than-human perspective, it all kind of lines up, it all seems really cozy, the vast gulfs of space/time . . .  they ain’t so vast. They ain’t so insurmountable. Humans are bound by physical laws. But the mind behind the mystical mindfuck monolith(s) . . . could it be unbounded?


We’ve been led a merry chase from our hard and hungry days out on the veldt, to our appointment in Jupiter space, haven’t we? The monolith is always there for us, with just the right message, just the right effect upon the ever-evolving human consciousness. 


I think we’re dealing with the negation of Babel. 


You know the story of the Tower of Babel?

Long ago,

humans constructed a great tower

to bring them closer to the gods

but the gods

angry that mere mortals would trespass upon the domain of the divine

obliterated our great project like it was so much sand

and the humans who all spoke with one tongue

were afflicted with so many languages

that they were all doomed to confusion

doomed to nations and factions and tribes

that could never possibly unite

and rebuild the tower

and again trespass upon the domain of the divine


. .  . or something like that.



In 2001 humanity is united, however imperfectly, by science, math, physics, and a common physical understanding of the Earth and the vast universe of which it is a humble part. The multiplicity of tongues hasn’t whipped us yet.


Humans erected a great edifice to reach beyond earth, and deep into the rock of the moon, and beyond to Jupiter and, as Kubrick would have it, beyond the infinite.


And the mystical mindfuck monolith has always been there to let us know that we’re making steady progress, and that we are not forbidden from the domain of the divine, but, in fact . . . we are welcome.


2001 is the negation of Babel. 


But to go beyond the infinite, we have to be transformed. Our mind has to be fortified with new knowledge, new ways of seeing. Hence the iconic laser light show. We no longer need to scrape our nourishment from a self-heating tray or slaughter our fellow animals. We are ready for direct brain induction via informatic energy beam transmission. This is the first person VR version of what the mindfuck is like. 


At the end of our journey, we must leave ourselves behind. We arrive in a luxury hotel suite in our spacesuit, impossibly aged, and wide-eyed with shock. But the monolith guides us through the movements of a kind of one act play about mortality. We are haunted by our old self, and so we look over our shoulder-but no one is there. We’re already looking  ahead to the next station of our circuit. We sit down to one final meal. And we look up to see ourselves lying upon our literal deathbed. And there we are, piteous, frail, far too aged, and yet we reach up one last time-


-towards the mystical mindfuck monolith at the foot of our deathbed.


And as the first person camera moves into the monolith we realize it has always been a doorway.


And now the monolith looks upon the deathbed . . .  and where once there was a frail old corpse there now rests a translucent super-fetus inside a force field bubble. 


We are reborn.


We are larger than any planet. 


We are open to the infinite and beyond.


We can now get the true ending of Rez.


What’s next?


2010: The Year We Make Contact, obvi. 


Which is, actually, a damn good movie. Peter Hyams. The director of Outland.


I know, uh, it’s kind of a letdown right this moment that the big shit Kubrick movie ends . . . and we are just led on to watch another, non-Kubrick movie. 


But 2010 is a solid flick. 


Swear to monolith-it’s totally watchable.


I like it.


It’ll probably be a blogpost on here one of these days.


What?


Show’s over.  


We’re back in mundane reality. 


Back to our mobile phones. We got that going for us. Kubrick totally missed that one. 


See?


We’re already doing Kubrick better than Kubrick.


BONUS: Did you know that Richard Pryor did a one-man version of 2001: A Space Odyssey as part of his stand-up set in the 1970s? If you didn’t . . . now you know! YouTube it. You’ll laugh. It’s brilliant.