Excerpt 1:
DEITY-DEV KINGTOMI AM WAS INTERVIEWED VIA PRAYER ABOUT THEIR NEW UMMORPG (Ultra Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game) Garbage Life:
Q: Why did you feel the need to have the cannon fodder enemies experience actual pain when being killed by the player character?
A: WELL, THIS, OF COURSE, WAS A CONTROVERSIAL-YET BOLD-CREATIVE CHOICE ON OUR PART. WE SHOULD POINT OUT THAT THE MINI-BOSSES AND BOSSES YOU ENCOUNTER DO NOT EXPERIENCE ANY PAIN, BUT WE WANTED THE GRUNTS TO HAVE THE FULL RANGE OF AGONIES, AND MOSTLY FOR COMIC RELIEF PURPOSES. THIS CAME OUT OF OUR EXTENSIVE PLAYTESTING ORDEALS, WHICH REVEALED AN OBSESSION WITH AUTHENTIC FLUIDS AND VOMIT MATTER AND INTESTINES AND SO FORTH ON THE PART OF THE PLAYER. SO ALL OF THAT WAS METICULOUSLY CRAFTED INTO THE EXPERIENCE. WHAT MANY PEOPLE DON'T REALIZE IS THAT THE VOMIT IS PERSISTENT, CONSISTENT, AND VARIABLE DEPENDING UPON WHAT THE GRUNTS CONSUME AS A PART OF THEIR REAL TIME SCHEDULES AND TASTES IN CRAFT SERVICES IN-GAME.
Q: Craft services? You mean like the on-set food service of movie productions?
A: OH YES. EACH INDIVIDUAL CANNON FODDER ENEMY IS CODED WITH AN EXTENSIVE VIRTUAL MEMORY OF HUSTLING THEIR ASSES OFF TRYING TO GET OVER AS ACTORS IN HOLLYWOOD. THIS PRODUCES INSIDE THE PROGRAMMED SOUL OF EACH GRUNT A TOXIC MIXTURE OF ENTITLEMENT AND RESENTMENT WHICH FUELS THEIR FLAILING AND OFTEN COMICALLY FUTILE ATTACKS ON THE PLAYER CHARACTER, AND THIS IN TURN ENHANCES THE SADISTIC JOY THE PLAYER EXPERIENCES AS THEY TOY WITH AND DESTROY SUCH VASTLY INFERIOR HORDES OF FOEMEN.
Q: Do these grunts have the ability to learn from their mistakes and improve as warriors?
A: EARLIER VERSIONS HAD CANNON FODDER WHO WERE ADAPTIVE-WHO COULD 'GET GOOD, ' BUT PLAYTESTING REVEALED THAT THE AVERAGE PLAYER GOT OFF ON HAVING A STEADY SUPPLY OF POP-UP BAD GUYS TO TORTURE AND ANNIHILATE AT WILL. WE SEE THIS AS AN OVERALL EXPRESSION OF THE AVERAGE GAMER'S IMPOTENCE IN THE FACE OF AN INCREASINGLY SOCIALLY STRATIFIED AND AUTHORITARIAN MEATSPACE REALITY, AND SO WE HAVE CHOSEN TO PANDER TO THOSE FRUSTRATIONS AS HARD AS POSSIBLE. YOU SEE THE ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THESE FRUSTRATIONS IN THE FORM OF VARIOUS SECRET POLICE AGENCIES THAT PLAYERS ESTABLISH IN-GAME AS OPPOSED TO THE 'GUILDS' OR 'RAIDING PARTIES' YOU SEE IN OTHER ONLINE GAMES.
-September 2020
