. . . I fall out of the world . . .
A questline does not trigger despite all conditions being met.
I am driving a sports car when my avatar floats to the top of the vehicle and assumes a T-pose. I am still driving a sports car.
Heads of NPCs float off into the air like the Woodsman from the third season of Twin Peaks.
My hands clutch an invisible sidearm.
Now the firearm is visible.
My avatar assumes a T-pose.
I fall out of the world.
I paid for the game.
I do livestream.
I get taken down for uploading footage with licensed music.
I switch off the licensed music.
I do livestream.
There’s still licensed music.
I get taken down for uploading footage with licensed music.
I paid for the game.
Livestreams are great, free advertising for video game products.
Why does video game company insist on fucking me?
I do livestream of different game.
I climb building.
I jump back.
I keep going one hundred or so feet.
This was not supposed to happen.
I fall into body of water.
I sink.
My avatar assumes T-pose.
I fall out of the world.
NPCs lack animations.
Characters do not respond to the right in-game switches.
The ending I was working toward as per the strategy guide is no longer accessible.
You follow the official steps and you still get fucked.
Is that something to do with the ‘punk’ ethos at work here?
I uninstall software.
I smash disc.
I wipe my ass with pages from the strategy guide.
But the pages are printed on paper that’s too slick-they got no ‘shitgrip’ as it were.
I eat a large amount of Taco Bell.
I clench pages of the strategy guide between my booty cheeks.
I assume-voluntarily, this time-a strong T-pose.
I blow a chunky, wet fart that ignites due to the impressive quantity of Rectal Napalm hot sauce with which I adorned my quadruple pork-steak quesadillas.
The strategy guide pages burn up with a flourish,
crackling gold motes in the air.
Still in my strong T-pose
. . . I fall through the earth . . .
. . . and out of the world . . .
-April 2021
