I don’t celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas, but I have a question for those that do . . .
Why do you people eat gross, flavorless turkey when juicy cheeseburgers, crunchy delicious fried chicken, savory macaroni and cheese, and creamy mashed potatoes are perfectly viable alternatives at all times?
Why punish yourselves with tough, dry bird when you could just eat something that you would actually enjoy?
Thanksgiving and Christmas are already absurd, miserable ordeals unto themselves-I mean, you’re not magically going to start getting along with people you’ve been at war with all your life just because a computer generated polar bear drinks a bottle of Coke . . . but you can choose tasty foods.
I’m just utterly perplexed by the turkey shit.
Why not choose flavor, eh?
I don’t get it.
Thinks.
Wait a minute . . . could it be . . . that if you smoke a pack of Marlboros before you eat the turkey . . . because the Marlboros-they come from Flavor Country, right?
Yeah . . .
I think I just cracked it.
Victory is mine!
