CONSUMER ALERT BULLETIN: AMERICAN MADE GAS-GUZZLING PICKUP TRUCKS FOUND TO EXACERBATE ENLARGED PROSTATES, MICROPENIS, AND ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION . . . WHIMSICALLY HAUNTED ASSAULT RIFLES AT INCREASED RISK OF TRANSMUTING BULLETS INTO NERF MISSILES . . . DUE TO A RARE PROGRAMMING GLITCH SOVIET DVDS MANUFACTURED IN AN ALTERNATE TIMELINE FOUND TO CHAPTER SKIP VIEWER . . .
