DURING A BRANDED INFLUENCER EVENT BROADCAST LIVE FROM THE OVAL OFFICE PRESIDENT TRUMP ANNOUNCED THE BEGINNING OF HIS PEPTIDE JOURNEY. DEFENSE ANALYSTS PREDICT THAT PEPTIDE INJECTIONS-MUCH LIKE PUBLIC PRAYERS INVOKING THE WRATH OF A FICTIONAL SKY GOD-ARE NOT LIKELY TO UNFUCK THE U.S.’S EVER DEEPENING QUAGMIRE IN IRAN . . . A NEW STUDY STRONGLY SUGGESTS THAT S-RANK GAMERS RARELY APPRECIATE THE ELABORATE CHARACTER DESIGNS OR COMPLEX STORYLINES OF CONTEMPORARY TRIPLE AAA VIDEO GAMES. TAKING A CUE FROM THIS STUDY, MAJOR GAME COMPANIES HAVE ANNOUNCED A PIVOT TOWARDS “NARRATIVE FREE NEXT GEN WIREFRAME AESTHETICS” WHICH WILL LIKELY NECESSITATE MASS LAYOFFS OF CONCEPT ARTISTS, SCENARIO WRITERS, CHARACTER DESIGNERS, AND AN OVERALL ELIMINATION OF JOBS THAT ARE FOCUSED ON AESTHETICS INSTEAD OF MECHANICS . . . IN A NOT-SO-STUNNING REVERSAL PRESIDENT TRUMP ANNOUNCED HE WAS ENDING HIS PEPTIDE JOURNEY IN A POST ON TRUTH SOCIAL. THE POST, WHICH WENT ON FOR THOUSANDS OF WORDS, REHASHED VARIOUS CONSPIRACY THEORIES AND GRIEVANCES RELATED TO HIS 2020 ELECTION DEFEAT, ACCUSED JOE BIDEN OF “PRE-LOSING” THE IRAN WAR WHICH HE ALSO CLAIMED TO BE “PRE-WINNING,” AND DECLARED PEPTIDES “WOKE” WHILE ALSO CLAIMING THEY WOULD SOMEHOW PAY FOR THE COVFEFE WALL . . . THE ACTOR CHARLIE SHEEN IS REPORTEDLY ON A STATE OF HIGH ALERT AS HE EXPECTS PRESIDENT TRUMP TO START POSTING ABOUT "BI-WINNING" AND “TIGER BLOOD” ANY DAY NOW . . .
