THE NEW OBVIOUS #20:

Bulk and Skull had no business being campus police officers. They pretty much got everything wrong all of the time. The city of Angel Grove was clearly experiencing some sort of systemic crisis in their hiring practices vis-a-vis public safety personnel. Perhaps the constant mayhem occurring due to violent confrontations between self-appointed metamorphic vigilantes and monstrous lunar terrorists scared the high quality job candidates into seeking employment in less volatile cities. Word gets out, you know. And then all you’re left with are bumblers like Bulk and Skull. A sad state of affairs to be sure.

F.A.Q. #3:

Q: Do you have a favorite movie? What about a Top Ten List? Do you do ranked listings of movies or anything else?

A: I have tried to pick a single all time favorite movie, but I just can’t do it. I’ve dabbled in ranked lists, but those don’t work for me, either. Top 10 or Top 5 or Top 100 lists are completely arbitrary. My list has the same validity as one drawn up by Roger Ebert or anyone else. I also don’t think there’s any validity to End of Year or Year In Review or Year’s Best or Year’s Worst or what have you. What if you do your Best of 2024 List in the last week or two of December but then a month later in late January you change your mind? Are you actually gonna re-do your list? Why? Because you’re a perfectionist? Because it feels good? Because the world must know? If it feels good then proceed, but any other reason is just tedious . . . but having said all of this . . . if you put a gun to my head . . . then I would have no choice but to pick The Deer Hunter as my Number One Favorite because that would be super cute, wouldn’t it?

NOTIONAL HEADLINE #135:

“COME ON, PEOPLE, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.” D.B. COOPER JUST ABOUT READY TO GIVE UP ALL HOPE OF EVER BEING FOUND.

THE SECRETS OF FINAL TOWN 38

 

YOUR DRAWING PROMPT #44:

A yeti politician who constantly rails against the System as being “one big snowjob.”

THE NEW SIGNAGE #4:

a duck with a knife in its back followed by another duck

THE NEW DREAM #34:

I know the answers for the Scantron

yet I choose to Christmas Tree it

because

desire minus shame

THE NEW OBVIOUS #19:

Goldar should’ve reported Lord Zedd to HR.

F.A.Q. #2:

Q: Do you believe extraterrestrials have visited earth? Do you believe that the U.S. government is covering up evidence of extraterrestrial visitations and/or crash landings? What do you make of the various UFO whistleblowers who have been in the media spotlight in recent years?

A: No, extraterrestrials have not visited Earth. There is no evidence whatsoever that anything like this has happened. These so-called “whistleblowers” have talked and talked and talked . . . without producing a shred of actual evidence for extraterrestrials or whatever. Talk is talk. Show me the evidence. Make an actual case. And as far as the U.S. government covering up xtro bodies or “biologics” or alien saucers or whatever . . . I just don’t see how that would work. The U.S. government wasn’t able to keep the lid on The Pentagon Papers. Where are The Area 51 Papers? The obvious answer is that there’s no alien corpses or recovered craft or anything of the sort. If there were anything worth leaking it all would’ve leaked back in the late 1990s at the height of The X-Files craze. But I do admire the hustle and grind of these so-called “whistleblowers” who are clearly getting a boost on the conspiracy podgrift circuit. Enjoy it while it lasts, kiddos!

NOTIONAL HEADLINE #134:

AMERICANS CONTINUE TO TORTURE THEMSELVES THIS HOLIDAY SEASON WITH GROSS, DRY TURKEY DESPITE WIDE AVAILABILITY OF CHEESEBURGERS, MAC’N’CHEESE, AND FRIED CHICKEN.

THE SECRETS OF FINAL TOWN 37

 

YOUR DRAWING PROMPT #43:

A highly conceptual production of Hamlet featuring Charles Fort as Fortinbras.

FOR WANT OF A NAIL . . . (#7)

(oldoldoldfartfartfart)

. . . and then you became a United States President.

THE NEW SIGNAGE #3:

FOOD-GAS-BOULDERS-DISLODGING

THE NEW OBVIOUS #18:

Bubble grows, bubble bursts.