WARDSBACK #1:

There's a movie called Cocaine Bear. I assume it's about a bear that snorts cocaine. Bears have nostrils and gums. Cocaine is typically ingested via nostrils or manually applied to gum lines. It all fits. Even if it's all a little too obvious. So let's imagine a more interesting movie, shall we? Here we go. Here's my imagining: Bear Cocaine, being the saga of cocaine which snorts bears. I guarantee you that has never been depicted in a motion picture before-I might even be one of the few to even attempt to imagine such a wonder. Hollywood, you've got millions of dollars to light on fire in the name of trifles and distractions . . . why not try a little harder, eh? Bear Cocaine. Make it so. You'll have my gratitude. I don't know if I would actually watch it-I haven't even glanced at the trailer for Cocaine Bear-especially when I think about all the sitting silently while staring into space I've got scheduled this season-but, hey. I can spare some gratitude. Hell, I'll give you a little gratitude right now, as an incentive, or a down payment, if you like. Maybe even one of them 'rent-to-own' type of deals, ha, ha, ha-so there you go. And here we are.