THINGS NEVER SAID #22:

“Say, friend-how much is that tumor in the window? That one right there, the one with the waggly tail. That’s the one. How much? They come free with every purchase of either an Aquaman or a Rebel Moon action figure? Hmmm. Can’t I just pay for the tumor directly and skip the plastic bullshit altogether? No? Huh . . . well then let me ask you this . . . why is it, exactly, that we must all live in a world of shit? Yes, you may phone a friend. I’m not sure I approve of you using a Miami Vice-style handbrick, but I suppose it’s less gauche than an Inspector Gadget-style thumb antenna-I’ll live . . . so what did your friend have to say? That it’s a world of shit because our portable communications devices have fundamentally distanced us all from in-person intimacy paradigms? Huh . . . I . . . apologize . . . for putting you through all that.”