THEME MUSIC FOR EVERYTHING #10:

My Own Personal Game Over Theme: Game Over by Yoshihiro Sakaguchi (1943 NES OST)

It’s the sonic equivalent of “Better luck next time, kid.”

YOUR DRAWING PROMPT #4:

Bingo cards of hope and woe.

MUSIC JOKES #8:

Take This Job and Shove It by Johnny Paycheck

Takes on a whole new dimension if you sing this song while self-employed.

Strong “Boss Battle with your shadow self” vibes.

Which, admittedly, can be its own kind of fun.

YOUR DRAWING PROMPT #3:

An axiomatic shopping cart goes hunting for bargains at a non-discount store due to calcified principles of self-reliance.

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #25:

I’m so boring my favorite Marx Brother is Zeppo.

YOUR DRAWING PROMPT #2:

Axiomatic shopping carts gathered for cadre struggle at the Wendy’s salad bar.

NOTIONAL HEADLINE #106:

WEEKEND ENTERTAINMENT INSERT: YOUTUBE COMMENTS SCROLLS ARE THE NEW COMEDY HOTSPOTS ON PLANET EARTH.

YOUR DRAWING PROMPT #1:

A well-thumbed macroeconomics textbook sprouting twelve cobra hooded brindle pitbull heads against a backdrop of elite cosmic bowling circa 2069.

BENIGN AND/OR INANE CONSPIRACIES #11:

You don’t see what you think you see.

You think that’s Peter Graves on that old episode of Mission Impossible?

It isn’t.

That’s professional Peter Graves impersonator Leslie Nielsen.

You think that’s Leslie Nielsen as the Captain in The Poseidon Adventure?

It isn’t.

That’s professional Leslie Nielsen impersonator Peter Graves.

Ah, yes.

They’ve got you going around in circles. 

Now watch Airplane! . . . tell me who’s who?

You can’t do it.

That’s all according to plan.

THE SECRETS OF FINAL TOWN 12

 

ONE LINE MOVIE REVIEWS #56: UNFROSTED (2024)

Sadly, there’s no scene where Seinfeld impregnates an unheated Pop Tart.

PEOPLE GET MAD . . . (#23)

. . . when you take an interest, and then they get mad when you mind your own business.

People get mad.

THE NEW OBVIOUS #6:

Bigfoot, Loch Ness, Skunk Ape, Ogopogo, Mothman, Yeti, The Flatwoods Monster . . . we never quite catch up to ‘em, do we?

I bet you if we ever did catch ‘em and sliced ‘em open upon the autopsy table we would find in among the intestines and muscles mighty sparkling complexes of meat: organs of teleportation.   

And then we would know why we never catch up to these mystery critters.

Moreover, I’m sure these sparklemeats emit frequencies which no doubt interfere with the operations of both cameras and brains.

No wonder we never get a good look.

No wonder there’s never been a single photo or video or filmstrip-save hoaxes’n’fakes-worth a damn.

It’s all because of those sparklemeats!

THE NEW PARADIGMS IN BRAGGING RIGHTS #24:

I’m so shit piss gave me a shout-out in the acknowledgements section of its bestselling tell-all memoir.

LOADING SCREEN WISDOM #26:

BE SURE TO MAKE CAREFUL DISTINCTIONS BETWEEN “WORTHY SIDEQUESTS” AND “TRIVIAL EPHEMERA.”