-something to do with a drunk guy
likes getting pictures of himself
gets known for his hats
like
he puts on the hat
hats, actually
'cause he's got different hats he puts on
for these pictures
things are more festive with hats
one presumes
I think also too
that this guy will spontaneously find hats
wherever he happens to be
usually in shitty, noisy local-bait restaurant-bar type establishments in Florida
like not tourist-bait
local-bait
they have that phony tourism-centric economy
but lotsa parts o'Florida ain't Disney
ain't even Universal
ain't even any malls, y'know, so the phony tourism-centric economy kinda just involutes, and has to suck in the locals with these sortsa food-as-entertainment infantilization schemes,
call it the 'Touristification' of the local genpop-
-I should probably mention hurricanes
'cause this drunk guy talked up re-initializing the hurricane season as a new form of 'immersive tourism venture' wherein people could participate in 'protracted blackout culture'
which is a funny term for a drunk guy to use
but I think he's talking about mass outages from Category 4s and 5s and 6s and what have you
using marketing to recover opportunity from calamity
emphasizing mythologized notions of 'authenticity' and 'togetherness'
something to do with outdoor grilling
fryin' up eggs on sidewalks
never taking potable water for granted ever again
if you survive-
-at some point
our drunk guy comes to the attention of Christian moral crusader folks
who despise him for his drunkenness, accuse drunk guy of setting a bad example on social media,
gotta protect the kids,
even though this drunk guy's following mostly consists of middle aged white men who resent their wives and children but are too locked into Routine to ever really cut loose,
but then the holy rollers turn out to be molesters and tax cheats,
so the whole thing ends up as kerfuffled fiasco drizzled with bullshit-
-it should be noted
that our drunk guy
built his online following not just on his embarrassingly cringey party pics
but also his long-and-winding rants against political correctness and virtue signaling and so forth,
typical beerdrinker shit
but then the drunk guy posts a sincere one, wherein he wrote searchingly about his need to post himself, to affirm himself, to exist beyond the confines of his own skull, his loneliness, his desire to be the guy that you always remember as a laugher, who takes life as it comes, as the guy with the hats'n'shit,
but now
drunk guy was wondering
"Is that all there is to this life? Or is there something more?!"
this
of course
was prelude to a truly vomitous phase of public piety
a mixture of out-of-context Bible quotes and New Agey daily affirmation memes, with allusions to yoga-but, mercifully, no pics-and meditation,
so,
y'know,
the pseudo-rebel drunk guy
degenerating into right-wing political correctness and religiousy virtue signaling
just as one does
in the benighted state of Florida-
-but comes the turn
God
was listening
God
was
indeed
touched
by our drunk guy's social media posts
and the Lord did preserve him from cancer and heart disease and car crash
God
for reasons only God knew
blessed our drunk guy
with 10,000 years of life,
that's 10,000 years of social media posts of party hat pics inside shithole local-bait restaurant-bars-
-yeah,
it got super dark at the end
