There’s a voice that speaks to me inside of a recurring dream:
What is missing from your life?
One day, I was walking on a sidewalk. I had no discernible personality or emotions of my own, and all of my desires were implanted by church, state, and capitalism. I was merely a platform extension of the larger interests of Heaven/Hell/USA/dead end job/the free market/expectations of fake friends/vague notions of family values-none of these grotesque entities made even the slightest pretense of giving a fraction of a fuck about my happiness or wellbeing. None of this bothered me, by the way, and in fact I had no objection-then or now-to this state of affairs. In fact, my complete failure to thrive in this scheme-of-schemes was a necessary demonstration effect to keep the conformists on task. They need me.
As I walked upon that sidewalk, I beheld endless vistas of strip malls and fast food restaurants. I noticed a sign for Popeye’s, the venerable fried chicken chain.
A voice spoke to me:
When was the last time you ate at a Popeye’s?
I knew not the answer. It was even the outermost possibility that I had never eaten Popeye’s chicken.
A voice spoke to me:
What is missing from your life?
Two questions rubbed together inside my mind.
I tell you, Dear Reader, the dilemma was resolved with not a single thought of my own-nor was there even a hint of some grody thing like free will or whatever.
My physical form embodied an answer via bipedal locomotion into the dining room of the Popeye’s.
I ordered crispy fried chicken.
I took one bite.
I instantly died of a monumental heart attack.
Within a fraction of yet another instant, I found myself burning deep within one of those pit of Hell type of deals.
My agony flared brightly-I became like unto fire its own self!
As a great fire, I welled up out of the Satanic abyss, destroying all precincts of Hell, including Lucifer and all associated devils, demons, and sinners.
As a great fire, I scoured the Earth of all human life. Heaven didn’t even have the balls to meet me upon the field. The angels all disemboweled themselves in low earth orbit-which they ripped off from The End of Evangelion. God unplugged Itself from the wall socket causing It to wink out of existence-zero trace. Even I was taken aback by this omnicide-had my secret resentments-occulted by a panto of conformity-festered into such an accursed and indiscriminate vengeance wish?
In the rubble, I made my careful way across the surface of the blasted Earth. I came across a Wendy’s sign absurdly intact among the ruins.
A voice spoke to me:
When was the last time you ate at a Wendy’s?
A heaviness fell upon my shoulders.
A voice spoke to me:
What is missing from your life?
Now, Dear Reader, I did indeed feel something of my own. First, a great heaviness. Deep down in that heaviness, tho’, something twisted, and clawed, and growled, and fought. This squirming sharp belligerence welled up out of the heaviness-
I laughed.
I howled.
I reveled in the desolation.
I kicked at the concrete base of the Wendy’s sign, shattering it.
I ripped the sign loose and twirled and tossed it like a monstrous drum major working some nefarious routine.
I was the Missing Thing.
I was the Answer.
I strode into the burning wrack and ruin of my Anti-Creation, keeping an insidious measure, each step taking me deeper into my aborning Godhood!
Cockroaches, ants, termites, spiders, serpents, whales, gorillas, sharks, squid, octopi, tigers, wolves, cougars, vultures, owls, bats, bears, crocodiles, alligators, and elephants gather in martial arrays to meet me on this newly expressed Field of Glory that my rage has authored upon the Earth!
Soon, a Great War shall be joined.
Even if I give my sweetest battle and lose, my mighty body shall be a sustenance and home to all the Critter Nations arising to oppose my power. Even if I lose . . . I win!
No matter . . . I have the Answer.
Well beyond a sniveling purpose for some grind or hustle . . .
I am the Answer that births a New World via Astonishing Martial Dialectics with the Critter Nations-themselves elevated in status by My Creative Destructions!
Yes, indeed.
I bring you the Mystery and Mastery of the Terrifying Potentials of the New Reality.
Only at Popeye’s.
