HECKLER'S DOCTRINE #4:

. . . and why would anyone ever submit to being the podgrift guest? For fuck’s sake, the only thing standing between you and Host status is your willingness to speak into a microphone on your own initiative as opposed to speaking into a microphone as a function of some “marketing push” and/or “publicity tour.” Take your destiny in your hands. Make the noises that please you and your sensibilities above all other considerations. Never again be the second banana or the wingman or the chatty bestie or the sidekick-assert solipsistic primacy in all things! Your mind is indistinguishable from cosmos. It matters not if you are deeply stupid, generally uninformed on current affairs, full of vicious hatred of self and/or others, unskilled in the art and craft of comedy, incapable of speaking in complete sentences, and/or totally unenthusiastic about recording and editing digital audio-you are the vessel of podgrifting, and through you it must’n’shall be expressed. Fuck your Free Will. If it helps, just consider impulsive online content creation a further mutation/metastasis of your compulsive attendance of weekly open mics . . . or go the distance . . . and call it Fate Itself. Alternatively, you could just lean into the solipsism piece. The next time you’re listening to some other hack’s podgrift, well, y’know, that’s just a manifestation of some aspect of your Universal Mind. It’s beyond ‘everything’s about you;’ now, everything IS you. Seriously, it’ll free up a lot of your time. Solipsism as a labor-saving device . . .