I really enjoy when I’m fighting a bunch of dudes, and I’m, like, totally kicking ass. I’m breaking necks with just a quick twist of my hands. Everytime I swing my blade there’s a guaranteed decapitation. And it’s not just because I inked a deal with Big Sword. It’s primarily the passion. But passion can also bring those dump trucks full of Cash American to my front yard-but that’s just a fringe benefit in my considered estimation.
No, what I really like about kicking ass is when I take my foot, and I put it right through someone’s stomach thereby causing their intestines to explode out of their lower back, and then, like, the guts just sort of dangle down over their ass cheeks and the backs of their thighs. And then they’re just staggering about, turbo-dazed by supreme, inexpressible agony-they can’t even moan or scream or even deliver a mild reprimand. Their faces do this fish-gasping-for-air bit. It’s a sight.
Now, the official name of this attack is ‘Anti-Lumbar Stomach Kick.’ But colloquially it has become known as “Giving Folks a Gutsback.”
People love it on those social medias. They insert footage of Gutsbacked folks into Cyberpunk 2077 gameplay videos alongside a wandering Patrick Bateman-these young people online are terrific!
But I have a merciful side.
I really do!
Sometimes, if I see someone I just Gutsbacked really struggling with their new condition I’ll place some Twinkies or Ho-Hos or Big Macs directly into their exposed intestines. I call it ‘Direct Snacking’ and it's also a hit on the social medias.
Truly, I am blessed.
