THINGS NEVER SAID #12:

“I drive better when I’m not even looking at the road. I’m not even looking at my mobile device’s screen. This thing’s been bricked for three or four years now. And yet as you can plainly see I’m holding this dead mobile down here, just above my lap, with my face pointed down at it as though I were watching a twelve part video essay series on YouTube about how Michael Bay is our last great American auteur while I work the steering wheel with my other hand. But this whole thing’s just a pantomime. A form imitative of substance yet it’s totally vacuous. But into this vacuity flows my intention: to drive without crashing. And since this intention is true . . . I don’t get into a single collision. Not even a fender bender. Not a scratch. But, uh, there is a catch to this. If you look out the window you’ll notice that everyone else is crashing, piling up, gas tanks exploding, twisted metal, bloodied folks staggering about in a daze only to get rundown by a truck or a bus that then plows into a storefront or a basic-ass chain coffee shop-you know what it is? When I pour my intention into the vacuity generated by the pantomime, well, all I’m really doing is displacing my crashiness into and upon the larger world. So I don’t crash. But everybody else is getting absolutely saturated in the displaced crashiness. My advice? Don’t bother getting sick anytime soon. Because the hospitals are likely already full . . . and about to come crashing down . . .”