A NEW STUDY STRONGLY SUGGESTS THAT AMERICANS ARE INCREASINGLY MORE LIKELY TO SKIP LITERACY IN FAVOR OF YELLING NONSENSICAL STRINGS OF MISMATCHED SYLLABLES AT PEOPLE . . . THE BOX OFFICE SUCCESS OF THE BACKROOMS HAS SPARKED RUMORS OF A PROPOSED SEQUEL STARRING YOUTUBE’S OWN RICH EVANS FEATURING ORIGINAL SONGS BY TAY ZONDAY . . . TURNING NOW TO AMERICA’S NEWEST FOREVER WAR WITH IRAN, DONALD TRUMP’S SLEEPY EYED ATTEMPTS TO OUTNAP THE IRANIAN GOVERNMENT DURING CABINET MEETINGS HAS SEEMINGLY RESULTED IN THE U.S. PRESIDENT SPENDING MORE QUALITY TIME COMMUNING WITH THE HELLFIRE SHROUDED GHOST OF EPSTEIN IN A NIGHTMARISH GOLF RESORT-ESQUE TORTURESCAPE OF DEPRAVITY, DECEIT, AND AVARICE . . . HIRING WAS UP IN MAY, WHILE WAGES FOR THE AVERAGE WORKER CONTINUED TO STAGNATE AS PART OF A MULTIGENERATIONAL TRENDLINE. MEANWHILE, STOCKS ARE UP . . .
