Suppose I am a former U.S. Secretary of State. Suppose my policies-which got lots of media coverage in their day-did not win a single war. In fact, my policies contributed to mass slaughter and destruction . . . but none of it happened on U.S. soil, so no one noticed, I guess.
Now, despite all of this atrocity and loserdom . . . I come to be viewed as “influential,” “respected,” “a shotcaller,” “a disruptor,” “a paradigm shifter,” even “a big shit diplomacy fuck.”
I get book deals. Hacky cable news outfits worship my nuts. I influence multiple generations.
Here’s my question:
If human life counts for just about nothing, and wars don’t really get fought to achieve anything like victory . . . then what, exactly, is the basis of my glory?
I want you to actually think about this one.
Because the longer you think about it the weirder it gets.
Sure, sure, sure-I’m obviously cynical about my government, and frustrated at the illusory self-image of my nation that gets absurdly propagated across the generations-
But how in the hell is it possible that Failure and Horror become Victory and Reverence?
It’s reverse meritocracy, isn’t it? The harder you suck, the greater your glory.
Could it be that right and wrong don’t really matter in the end?
What actually matters . . . is doin’ stuff. Do lots of stuff. Do good. Do evil. Just make sure people notice. Document it. Embellish it. Lie, but don’t get florid about it. If your lies make you sound like a Jon Lovitz character you’ve gone too far. Then point to it. Say, “Look at all the stuff I did.” Use words like “resume,” “curriculum vitae,” “experienced,” and “seasoned.” Get those book deals. Collect those speaking fees. Get those talking head spots on the punditry programs.
What’s the old saying?
“Showing up is 90% of everything.”
Show up, babe.
Show up forever.
Show up ‘til you die.
Then keep showing up.
Be the cause.
Be the effect.
Be the effect of your own cause.
Be the cause of your own effect.
Swallow your own tail.
Swallow your own tale-nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!
Speak gibberish in a tone of absolute certainty as often as possible because there’s a certain percentage of people who’ll go for it. Work that blessed percentage hard.
Enjoy rewards forever.
Or, uh, as close to forever as you can get.
