Monday, November 10, 2025

NOTIONAL HEADLINE #216:

NEW POLITICAL SCIENCE RESEARCH STRONGLY INDICATES THAT MOST SWING VOTERS ARE WHIMSICAL HOBOS WHO DRUNKENLY LOSE PATIENCE WITH EITHER POLITICAL PARTY WHEN IT INEVITABLY FAILS TO DELIVER THEM TO THE SUMMIT OF BIG ROCK CANDY MOUNTAIN . . . AN EXPERIMENTAL ORBITAL WEAPON MISFIRED OVER THE WEEKEND TOTALLY INCINERATING THE AUSTIN COMEDY SCENE. AN OPEN MIC PERFORMER WHO WAS AN EYEWITNESS TO THE EVENT CLAIMED, “DUDE, IT WAS JUST LIKE THAT SCENE FROM AKIRA. IT WAS SICK AS FUCK. WOULD TOTALLY DO IT AGAIN!” . . . A RECENT INVESTIGATION BY AUTHORITIES FOUND AN UPSURGE IN ILLEGAL DOWNLOADS OF POPULAR MUSIC BY ARTISTS SUCH AS LADY GAGA, BLACKPINK, GREEN DAY, BAD BUNNY, POST MALONE, DOJA CAT, AND TRAVIS SCOTT IS LIKELY ATTRIBUTABLE TO A SIZEABLE POPULATION OF DISGRUNTLED COACHELLA ATTENDEES REALIZING THEY CAN JUST DOWNLOAD THE SHIT OFF THE INTERNET FOR FREE . . .