TOP HEADLINES FOR ATTRACTIVE GENIUS PEOPLE: “I AM THE BOBCAT OF FREEDOM! I’LL EAT WHAT I PLEASE!” EXPLODING BOBCAT REFUSES TO REDUCE INTAKE OF DIETARY DYNAMITE . . . SECRETARY BESSENT ON VERGE OF GOING FULL ERMAHGERD FACE AT DAVOS . . . I.C.E. DEATH SQUAD’S MEN’S CHORUS BOOKED TO PERFORM PRIVATE CONCERT FOR GHISLAINE MAXWELL . . . IN A RE-ALIGNMENT TOWARDS CHINA, PRIME MINISTER CARNEY PUSHES DECOUPLING FROM USA ECONOMIC INFRASTRUCTURE BY INNOVATING ‘STAR TREK-STYLE TELEPORTATION.’ CANADA IS ALSO CONDUCTING FEASIBILITY STUDIES ABOUT EMPLOYING DAVID COPPERFIELD TO 'DO SOME OF THAT ABRACADABRA SHIT’ TO MAGICALLY MAKE DEPENDENCE ON US MARKETS GO AWAY . . . PRESIDENT TRUMP MINDLESSLY YAMMERS ON ABOUT CONCEPTS OF A FRAMEWORK OF A WEAVE OF A PLAN TO BUILD A WALL AND HAVE MEXICO PAY FOR IT AND SIMULTANEOUSLY DECREASE DRUG PRICES BY SIX HUNDRED OR SEVEN HUNDRED SKIBIDI PERCENT AND INCREASE THE EXTRACTION OF COVFEFE FROM ICELANDIC SOIL IN ORDER TO PROSECUTE WOKE DEMOCRATS FOR STEALING THE 2020 GREENLANDIC ELECTION BY USING GENDER IDEOLOGY . . . THE HELLFIRE SHROUDED GHOST OF EPSTEIN MANIFESTS ABOVE PACIFIC GARBAGE PATCH TO ANNOUNCE A NEW INITIATIVE TO USE PERVASIVE MICROPLASTICS AS AN OCCULTIC-ALCHEMICAL VECTOR TO GET HIMSELF INSIDE EVERYONE’S BODIES . . . RIYADH COMEDY FESTIVAL LINEUP BOOKED TO PERFORM PRIVATE SHOW FOR GHISLAINE MAXWELL . . . NEW POLLING SUGGESTS AMERICAN VOTERS PREFER FLASH-COOKED BITS OF BOBCAT INTESTINE OVER THE AMORAL AND SPINELESS CONGRESSIONAL LEADERSHIP OF BOTH REPUBLICAN AND DEMOCRAT PARTIES . . .
