WELCOME, ACTUAL DAMN HUMANS, TO THE HEADLINES: “BUT WHERE WILL MY SWEET BOYS SING?” MUSIC DIRECTOR FOR I.C.E. DEATH SQUAD’S MEN’S CHOIR DISMAYED BY TRUMP’S ANNOUNCEMENT OF KENNEDY CENTER CLOSURE IN JULY . . . “WAIT. AM I STILL IN THE NEWS CYCLE?” NICOLAS MADURO SPENDS TIME IN JAIL PONDERING WEIGHTY EXISTENTIAL CONUNDRUMS . . . “ALL IS FORGIVEN.” BAD BUNNY’S ANTI-I.C.E. GRAMMYS SPEECH EARNS PRAISE EVEN FROM DISGRUNTLED COACHELLA ATTENDEES . . .
