A NEW STUDY SUGGESTS THAT MANKIND’S QUEST TO DISCOVER THE KEN BONE WITHIN IS LIKELY TO BE ANOTHER FADDISH PURSUIT SIMILAR TO CRASH DIETING AND NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS UNLIKELY TO RESULT IN ANYTHING OF LASTING VALUE. MOREOVER, A CONTROVERSIAL NEW STUDY SUGGESTS THAT A RECENT TREND OF SURGICAL PROCEDURES TO REMOVE NON-CARCINOGENIC GROWTHS MAY IN FACT BE UNINTENTIONALLY EXCISING THE VERY KEN BONE PEOPLE ARE SEEKING WITHIN THEMSELVES. REGARDLESS, RESILIENCE EXPERTS GENERALLY AGREED THAT IF YOU WANT TO ACHIEVE ANYTHING OF LASTING VALUE YOU MUST FIRST BECOME A UNITED STATES PRESIDENT WHO IS ABOVE THE LAW, START VARIOUS FOREVER WARS, DEPLOY PARAMILITARY DEATH SQUADS TO TERRORIZE THE DOMESTIC POPULACE, ACCEPT BRIBES FROM TECH BROLIGARCHS, AND HAVE THE CONGRESS, THE SENATE, THE PENTAGON, AND THE SUPREME COURT KOWTOW TO YOUR EVERY DEPRAVED WHIM AND DICTATORIAL FANCY. HAPPINESS EXPERTS ESTIMATE IF YOU CAN DO ALL OF THAT THEN YOU MAY EXPERIENCE A MODEST UPTICK IN YOUR SENSE OF PERSONAL HAPPINESS AND CAREER SATISFACTION . . . STOCKS ARE UP . . .
