Saturday, June 29, 2024

THEME MUSIC FOR EVERYTHING #12:


Mellow From The Heat Theme: Crumbling World (Extended Loop) by SNK Sound Team (Athena: Awakening From The Ordinary Life OST)


Welcome to the Heat Dome.


This is the Final Arena of Late Stage Capitalism.


It’s a battle to the death, yes, but the pace is laconic. Everything’s in slow motion. It’s hot as hell out-don’t want to strain yourself. Yes, there are some speed demons, sure. But they tend to burn out early and often.


Much of the action is about looking cool as you stride into combat. If you can master your poise, if you can maximize your hallucinatory cruise as you close in on Enemy . . . well, you might just be able to psych ‘em out. Watch ‘em keel over from the stroke, no need to even draw your blade. 


Be sure to invest points in Runway Arrogance. If you can survive long enough, Runway Arrogance evolves into Runway Hubris which will open the pathway to mastering the Runway Megalomania Omni-poise. And then no one will be able to oppose you.


But don’t go for the Hysterics. Sure, you might derive some fireballs from the Hysteria Path, but then your risk of Spontaneous Combustion spikes. But the stroke’ll more than likely cut you down first. Engage with Hysterics at your peril. But, you know, a chosen few can make it work for them. Just know the risks.


You’ve got to maintain cool-inside your mind.


It’s hot as hell out.


But you’re Antarcti-fuckin-ca within.


Believe in this and you’ll cruise’n’prevail.

Pick up the steroids. You're gonna need that ultra-gear if you want to lift one of these volumes from the Notional Bookshelf . . .

FORTRESS Y2K: A Survivor’s Guide to the Post-Computational Millennium compiled by the Editorial Staff of Cyclical Incentives Publishing 


Sittin’ and Shittin’: The Life and Times of Bathroom Bob by Linder Hole


Dracumen: The Transylvanian Paradigm of Business and How We in the West May Profit By It by Jonathan Harker and R. M. Renfield


Mystical Nutbust Chronicle Vol. 1: Merlin of the Hermetic Hot Shots vs. Neo Deep Throat written by Neo Bronson DX: Death Xtra and illustrated by Bahamut Glazewave


Comrade Breast Inspector a novel of Communist Eroticism by Rosalind Bodacious


Andalusian Blowjob Paradigm: How the Smart Investor Can Profit From the Hottest Trend in Adult Entertainment by Sally Fuchs


Under Pressure: Towards a Theory of the Squeezure Class by Clay Brown


Monads and Gonads: Towards a Reconciliation of Philosophy with Deez Nuts by Cream Blowfarth


From Wild and Crazy Guys to the Church Lady: An Investigation Into Buried Themes of Messianic Hedonism in the Primal Era of Saturday Night Live a Shindig Institute Symposium curated by William D. Tucker.


The Eyes of Sajak: A Meditation on Fate and Contingency in Post-Barbenheimer America by Donald Beamular

YOUR DRAWING PROMPT #23:


The candy bar that eats itself before you get to it no matter how quickly you unwrap it during an economic boomtime.

NOTIONAL HEADLINE #109:


ECTO COOLER RECALLED DUE TO UNUSUALLY HIGH CONCENTRATIONS OF POLTERGEIST SEMEN.

Friday, June 28, 2024

YOUR DRAWING PROMPT #22:


A foldable remote that only works on non-foldable screens.

THINGS NEVER SAID #13:


“My God! He’s turbo-scatting!! Transmit our unconditional surrender posthaste!!!”

Thursday, June 27, 2024

MOVIE REVIEW: OUT OF THE PAST (1947)


Directed by Jacques Tourneur

Screenplay by Geoffrey Homes adapting his novel Build My Gallows High

Cinematography by Nicholas Musuraca

Edited by Samuel E. Beetley

Produced by Warren Duff


Starring

Robert Mitchum as Jeff Bailey/Jeff Marcum (Running from the past)

Jane Greer as Kathie (A fatal woman)

Kirk Douglas as Whit (Crime boss)

Dickie Moore as The Kid (Jeff’s employee)

Virginia Huston as Ann (Jeff’s girl in Bridgeport)

Richard Webb as Jim (Has a crush on Ann)

Paul Valentine as Joe (Whit’s henchman)

Steve Brodie as Jack Fisher (Jeff’s partner)

Ken Niles as Leonard Eels (Whit’s lawyer)



. . .


“You see, Jeff, you owe me something. You’ll never be happy until you square yourself.”


. . .


Review by William D. Tucker.


Out of the Past is another one of these old timey black and white movies that gets classified as “film noir.” It has a morally compromised tough guy protagonist who gets trapped in an escalating series of bad deals and burdensome relationships. This one in particular is defined by its relentlessly clever dialogue which serves as a kind of winding road to guide the audience through its maze of lies and schemes. The dialogue is so clever that it seems to come alive from a primordial soup of greed, delusion, desire, and betrayal so that it could stalk the memory as its own strange beast loosed from the heart of the film. The actors are but vessels compelled to speak the words rapidly, crisply, and with an air of just-tossing-it-off, even as it is obvious that every syllable has been meticulously chosen, sequenced, drilled and executed. I was left with the feeling that these people were trapped on DVD in an endless cycle of frustrated desire-no wonder everything they say is so cynical, and everybody’s just too cool for school.


Out of the Past happens in strictly mundane settings, and doesn’t overtly defy the laws of physics. But it will never be confused for naturalism. It’s all too perfect. No one stutters. No one rants. No one’s attention drifts from boredom or carelessness. It’s classy as hell. Mitchum never stubs his big toe and says,”Motherfucking cocksucker!” But no one’s truly innocent despite the elevated language. Everyone’s angling. Everyone’s paying attention even if it’s only to their most murderous desires. Something unnaturally precise obsessively knits itself together perhaps attempting to displace the messiness of mundane reality into exile beyond the cinematic frame. At times the characters seem tickled by the cleverness of their own words even as they betray, are betrayed, murder, and are murdered. In mundane reality crime is just as often opportunistic, greedy, sloppy, idiotic, and desperate-even when it is premeditated. Fargo captures that messy end of the crime movie spectrum. But classic film noir frequently dresses up avarice in sophisticated modernist romanticism evoking a world where, sure, there’s no Sky Daddy God to lean on, it’s our reality now-courtesy of Nietzsche and Doc Oppenheimer-but all the same there’s a looming hand of fate born of some collective yearning for a discernibly purposeful order to things post-WWII, post-Pearl Harbor, post-Trinity, post-Hiroshima, post-Nagasaki, post-Holocaust.


In Out of the Past, we follow a guy named Jeff Bailey who owns a small town gas station. A callous man in a black fedora and raincoat named Joe seeks out Jeff. Joe and Jeff have a tense conversation which lets Jeff know that he has to go back to work for a crook named Whit. Whit needs Jeff to retrieve his income tax records from an untrustworthy lawyer. 


Before Jeff leaves his small town business to serve Whit he tells his girlfriend Ann the secret of his past life. This precipitates an epic flashback in which we learn why Jeff became a gas station owner: to escape his past as a sleazy dick-for-hire who betrayed both his partner and his client over a fugitive woman. The woman is Kathie, who was the love of Whit’s life. Until she shot him a couple times and robbed his casino bankroll. But Whit survived and hired Jeff to bring her back alive. You would think Whit would just let her go, but apparently he can’t or won’t. Whit’s the kinda guy that makes no distinction between Needs and Wants, I guess.


Jeff finds Kathie in Acapulco. Jeff falls for Kathie. Kathie wants to escape Whit. They escape. Jeff and Kathie make a life in California. But then Jeff’s angry partner-Jack Fisher-in the private eye business shows up asking for a payoff. Jeff and Jack fight for a bit until the trigger happy Kathie blasts the would-be blackmailer into the next world. Jeff says he didn’t want Jack to get killed. Even so, he sets about the grim task of disposing of the corpse. But then he looks back at Kathie . . . and she’s gone. Just like Batman always does to Commissioner Gordon.


Kathie’s in the wind. Jeff starts his life all over as a gas station operator. He hires a young deaf-mute known only as the Kid. He is now an employer of both himself and another employee. Respectable. He falls in love with a nice small town girl named Ann. Cute. And then Whit sends his errand boy Joe to rope Jeff in for a redemption job since the mission to retrieve Kathie went down in flames. And wouldn’t you know it? Kathie’s right there by Whit’s side all over again. People moving in grotesque circles. That damn cynical-cyclical nature of desire. What’s to be done?


Jeff goes back to work for Whit. Things do not go as planned. Jeff’s technically endangered by the circumstances he faces . . . but he coolly marches into doom. I guess he’s been jerked around so much he’s resigned to his fate. Jeff is also-as played by Robert Mitchum-rather imposing. No one he clashes with seems a match for him. Jeff looks like he could easily pummel Whit-played by a delightfully evil Kirk Douglas-into bone porridge. I ended up coming to the conclusion that Jeff had been cycled through this ordeal so many times-on film reels, on VHS, Betamax, DVD, Blu-Ray-that he just can’t fight it anymore. 


As for Kathie, I guess she’s one of these femme fatales you hear about, but I couldn’t really get too mad at her. Most of what she does makes a tough kinda sense-except going back to Whit. Sorry, babe, but you fucked the dog on that one. 


Out of the Past is a cynical-cyclical journey into oblivion. Jeff Marcum tried to get out of the trap of his actions by changing his name to Jeff Bailey. But he just couldn’t let go of his Jeffness. And that Jeffness, it would seem, doomed his ass. I’m sure of it. It’s all about that accursed Jeffness. 


BONUS: Too bad Hollywood could never get its shit together to do a movie of Red Harvest. I think Mitchum in his prime would’ve been perfect as the Continental Op. Alas, it never happened. But we’ll always have Yojimbo . . .

YOUR DRAWING PROMPT #21:


Birds make beaks commercially available for rental, lease, and/or purchase to non-avians for the first time even as polling indicates a general lack of interest from humans.

THE SECRETS OF FINAL TOWN 15

 


Wednesday, June 26, 2024

YOUR DRAWING PROMPT #20:


A Golden Age of human intimacy facilitating a massive uptick in preventable deaths from viruses, alcohol poisoning, vehicular crashes, self-harm, and interpersonal violence.

ONE LINE MOVIE REVIEWS #59: THE GARFIELD MOVIE (2024)


It made me a supporter of “yes kill” shelters.

Tuesday, June 25, 2024

YOUR DRAWING PROMPT #19:


The Post-Door-Knob-Era in the context of continuing fallout from Watergate circa 2069.

LOST POSTER BLURBS #4:


“Water sports!? Ha! I’ll give you water sports!”

-William D. Tucker reacting to Avatar: The Way of Water on the Shindig Institute’s secretive member’s only film culture podcast rumored to be called Cinespersal.

Monday, June 24, 2024

YOUR DRAWING PROMPT #18:


Culvert maintenance best practices leading to a new Golden Age of human intimacy.

FIGURATION #2:


Final Mission.


For the shattered plastic man of action.


After so many missions.


After so many breakages.


Scatter your parts across an ersatz playmat field of honor.


Gruesome set dressing.


If I’m playing out a post-apocalyptic scenario maybe my still functional Good Guys and Bad Guys will wield your arms and/or legs as clubs once the last bullet has been fired.


A ceasefire doesn’t apply to my guys if they choose to pummel each other into the ground with fists, feet, clubs, and so forth.


Not a shot fired.


No more shots to fire. 


We’re compliant.


Of course . . . we are left with an abiding mystery.


Who declared the ceasefire?


My theory is that, in this instance, it was more of an “emergent ceasefire” due to all the ammo being spent. 


Now, we can have the mutually assured beatdown of all times. 


Beats goin’ home.


All the utilities have been blown up, so there’s not even anymore shitty cable TV or insipid streaming content to watch. 


Not that actually watching was really the point, right?


The real fun was bitching about media outputs by creating media outputs on antisocial media that inspire further media outputs that require responses in kind.


That’s all done now.


Now we have the Final Winner of the Last Action Figure War.


He’s lost an arm.


He’s wielding someone’s arm-possibly his own-as a club.


I’ve done him up with a red permanent marker.


I’ve got raw liver and chicken gizzards at the ready to stage a Fulchi-esque zombie cannibal feast.


I’ve also worked up some papercraft tentacles, eyestalks, and long-necked dragon heads that can be easily attached to indicate the Last Winner’s transformation into a ravenous beast.


My main-man-in-plastic’s looking Johnny-Got-His-Gun-rough now, but I got a feeling that in the fullness of time he’s about to eat his way into a totally fresh Terror-Upon-The-Earth aesthetic.


And wouldn’t you know it?


I gotta box of kaiju and titans and vengeful spirits and nosy extraterrestrials and Bad Old Gods just waitin’ to make the scene.


Final Mission?


Not So Final.


Fun Eternal.


That’s what I’m about.