Skibidi Seagal
This is basically a formulaic direct-to-nowhere Steven Seagal movie but with a few enhancements to elevate its contemporary relevance.
Firstly, Seagal’s signature hand-slappy fighting techniques will be adjusted so that he’s constantly doing 6-7 juggler’s hands. This will no doubt appeal to the youth . . . twenty years from now when their AI doppelgangers start posting piss take videos of so-bad-it’s-good movies on SkyNetTube.
Secondly, Seagal will do a call back to his heroic sacrifice scene in Executive Decision. Basically, Seagal will become infected with a terrorist bio-virus that threatens the whole world. Seagal, in order to save humanity, shall then nobly choose to flush himself down a toilet. What a guy.
But, in the final twist, human culture starts to advance so rapidly that they develop psychic abilities that allow them to vividly re-imagine the past. This allows the species to willfully forget Steven Seagal-who nobody really liked in the first place, I mean the guy always came off as a huge prick in his movies if we’re being honest-and then those same psychic powers will be used to replace the image of Steven Seagal with the image of either George Segal, Stevie Nicks, Katey Sagal, or Stevie van Zandt, depending on which version you happen to torrent. It’ll be a multiple ending type deal. Like Clue.
Ultimately, when you think back on all those cheesy action movies your ancient flesh’n’blood self used to watch starring George Segal/Stevie Nicks/Katey Sagal/Stevie van Zandt your AI doppelganger self will only have really good memories . . . yeah . . .
