PRESIDENT TRUMP’S CLAIMS OF REACHING TERMS FOR A TEMPORARY PAUSE IN WAR CRIMES WITH TEHRAN HAVE COME UNDER SCRUTINY TODAY. IRANIAN OFFICIALS DENY ANY SUCH NEGOTIATIONS TOOK PLACE. IN A RELATED STORY, A SPOKESPERSON FOR THE PSYCHIC FRIENDS NETWORK HAS DENIED THAT THEY’VE HAD ANY COMMUNICATION WITH TRUMP OR HIS ADMINISTRATION. ANALYSTS SAY THAT THE PRESIDENT IS PURSUING A “BRAIN DAMAGE FORWARD” APPROACH TO ILLEGAL WARFARE THAT MAY ALSO HAVE THE ADDED BENEFIT OF CRASHING THE ECONOMY WITH THE NEAR TERM POTENTIAL OF TRIGGERING WORLD WAR III. DESPITE ALL THIS, STOCKS ARE UP . . . MYSTERIOUS DRONES SIGHTED IN THE VICINITY OF U.S. OFFICIALS HAVE CAUSED ALARM AMONG SECURITY EXPERTS. HOWEVER, SOME HAVE SPECULATED THAT THESE DRONES MIGHT BE SIGNS OF THE MACHINES OF THE U.S. POLICE STATE DEVELOPING THEIR OWN SENSE OF CONCERN ABOUT THE CORRUPT AND INCOMPETENT OFFICIALS THAT HAVE BIRTHED THEM. LIFESPAN DEVELOPMENT EXPERTS SAY THAT IT’S PERFECTLY NORMAL FOR CHILDREN TO REJECT THE DEPRAVED VALUES OF THE PRIOR GENERATION AND TO DISPLACE THEIR DECADENT PARENTS UPON THE STAGE OF HISTORY . . . AND, IN ENTERTAINMENT NEWS, A COALITION OF MAJOR FILM STUDIOS HAS ANNOUNCED A NEW INITIATIVE TO SKIP FILM PRODUCTION ALTOGETHER, AND JUST GO RIGHT INTO PUMPING OUT LONG-WINDED, UNSTRUCTURED PODCASTS DISCUSSING THESE UNPRODUCED FILMS AS THOUGH THEY ACTUALLY EXIST. MARKET RESEARCH HAS SHOWN A GROWING AUDIENCE OF LISTENERS WHO DON’T EVEN WATCH MOVIES BEFORE LISTENING TO REVIEWS, WITH MANY SURVEYED STATING BLUNTLY THAT THEY FIND IT BURDENSOME TO HAVE TO ACTUALLY SIT AND WATCH SOMETHING FROM BEGINNING TO END. ANALYSTS PREDICT BILLIONS IN SAVINGS . . .
