“JUST BROWN BAG IT. YOU CAN PUT A SANDWICH IN TIN FOIL. JUICE BOX. A COOKIE. MAYBE THREE COOKIES. I WOULD PROBABLY JUST END UP EATING THE COOKIES, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, BUT NO, A SANDWICH IS FINE. I’M A PICKY EATER. BUT A SANDWICH IS FINE.” PRESIDENT TRUMP TODAY PROVIDED A LASER FOCUS ON LUNCH PRACTICES WHEN ASKED ABOUT EUROPEAN ALLIES’ LACK OF APPETITE FOR DEPLOYING MILITARY PERSONNEL TO IRAN . . . “IT WAS A REAL SNAPPER, LET ME TELL YOU!” AN UNUSUALLY RELAXED AND CANDID VICE PRESIDENT VANCE SPOKE LONGINGLY AND LOVINGLY ABOUT HIS FIRST COUCH. SOME HAVE SPECULATED THIS WAS A TACTIC TO AVOID ANSWERING QUESTIONS ABOUT THE DEEPENING U.S. QUAGMIRE IN IRAN, BUT A GROWING NUMBER OF HUMAN-COUCH HYBRID SIGHTINGS IN THE WHITE HOUSE VICINITY SUGGEST OTHERWISE . . . A WHISTLEBLOWER REPORT ALLEGES THAT ADDERALL SNORTING WHITE HOUSE INTERNS ARE USING CHEAT CODES TO OBTAIN THE VIDEO GAME FOOTAGE USED IN PRO-WAR PROPAGANDA VIDEOS PROMOTED BY BOTH THE PRESIDENT AND THE PENTAGON. ALTHOUGH THE U.S. WAR ON IRAN IS WIDELY CONSIDERED TO BE BOTH UNCONSTITUTIONAL AND A WAR CRIME, MANY BELIEVE THAT THIS AFFRONT TO GAMERS’ HONOR WILL BE WHAT FINALLY BRINGS DOWN THE TRUMP PRESIDENCY . . .
