First, become a widely acclaimed bestselling literary author. Make sure you’re also hailed as a generational talent.
Next, start an exclusive literary workshop that will no doubt pick and choose the next generation of literary rockstars.
Once you’ve established your elite class of acolytes to carry on the torch of your supreme excellence, lay down bedrock foundational precepts of what constitutes great genius-type writing. I’ll let you sort out most of the details, but among them you must include this inviolable rule: At the height of their crisis, the protagonist MUST call the Psychic Friends Network. There will be no exceptions or substitutions.
Once you have indoctrinated the next generation of authors, simply kick back and enjoy the flood of cookie cutter doorstoppers pumped out by publishers desperate to replicate your grandiose achievements as per formulas and precepts laid out by your very own writer’s workshops.
In future times, literary historians shall fuss and fumble over why there were so many trendy novels in which questions of war, peace, crime, punishment, identity, the climate crisis, and whether the dress was blue or gold were all resolved by a simple pay-per-minute call to the Psychic Friends Network . . .
