apocalypse
store
you
fall
into
it
find out if you have the will
to resist
your heart’s most corrupt desire
that weapon system that won’t just shut up your neighbor
it’ll burn the very Platonic ideal form of neighbor right out of the fabric of reality
that cataclysmic impulse buy
can you fight it
BECAUSE IT IS HERE
IN YOUR FACE
WITHIN YOUR GRASP
ALL IT COSTS
IS EVERYTHING
And then no more worries about neighbors ever again
but then it hits you
maybe your neighbor bought that weapon system first
zapped you
and you’ve just been obliviously burning in Hell all this time
would explain that Heat Dome that’s all in the news of late
wouldn’t that be some shit
and if you’re actually already in Hell
a place of torment, of thwarted dreams
then this apocalypse store is just a devil’s trick,
right?
and even if you buy that weapons system
your neighbor down here is surely just another illusion
just a cardboard Hogan’s Alley pop-up target
so you may as well save your money
buy some of that really fancy hot sauce
Hell of all places has gotta have really good hot sauce
pretty much markets itself
“Try Lucifer’s Glory Hawt Sauce on your wings, on your French fries, on your lasagna, on your cheeseburger, on your farfalle, on your neighbor-on your EVERYTHING!”
give me that marketing account
a job of peddling illusions
in a burning kingdom of lies
y’know
Hell is kinda cool
in how it all makes sense
has that Infernal Synergy working for it
I think I’ll get used to it
-at this point I arrive as the voracious guest of honor: THE CHAMPEEN HAWT WING GOBBLER OF ALL TIMES!!! Beelzebub announces me with Its loudass millions of pairs of wings. I stride into the spotlight. House lights come up to full, a nuclear white blaze. I see that I’m at the foot of an Everest of fried chicken skin doused in Lucifer’s Glory. I get to gobbling. A good chunk of the footage has been edited for content (a sequence where I have some salad was deemed inappropriate for carnivorous cacodemons) and to fit into the prime time slot. So it jump cuts to me melting down as I vomit up a fountain of acid reflux all over myself-which is the part everyone remembers, so it’s fine.
