Nowadays, all is violence, and enemy is endless.
You’re constantly on the run, diving behind cover, busting off shots, and closing in for expertly choreographed knife battles to seal the deal.
You’ve got the skills, you’ve got a cool look with your tailor-made bullet resistant suit, and you’ve got a body count that makes Vladimir Putin, serial killers, and American presidents insecure about the size of their manhood.
So you know you’ve got the bloodlust, Killer!
But you know what else you’ve got?
You’ve got a hunger to match.
But just how do you satisfy that hunger when you’re on the go?
Well, we’ve got you covered.
With Action Hero Snacks.
Self-heating sliders and flavored noodles impregnated with PCP.
Get your calories and counteract the pain of injuries accumulated in the course of your ultraviolent adventures in a fast, convenient, and flavorful package.
Vegetarian, vegan, Keto-friendly, and Atkins-adjacent options available.
Each Action Hero Snack is packed with enough protein to satisfy that gnawing hunger deep down inside you, while also providing you with a megadose of both the analgesic and visionary effects of our proprietary homebrew phencyclidine.
So, don’t be surprised, Killer, when you re-up with Action Hero Snacks to find yourself invulnerable to pain while sprinting through plate glass windows, biting the faces off entire trash mobs, and gibbering wildly about the presence of God inside your burning chest.
Action Hero Snacks.
Anything else . . . is just a snack.
