I always imagined Cthulhu would sound like Robert Englund doing a seaweed choked variation of his Freddy Krueger voice.
A phone rings in the night.
You haven’t had a landline since early childhood.
You’re not even sure it makes sense that you would know what such an archaic device would sound like, but you suppose you’ve osmotically derived the knowledge from old movies and TV shows and nostalgia grift videos on YouTube.
The phone rings and rings and rings.
You stumble through your tiny-ass apartment, still in a fog.
You hear your father’s placid yet passive aggressive voice, “I know it’s tough out there for your generation, but a little belt tightening won’t kill you. Just a little bit less avocado toast or what have you. You want to be renting your whole life? Look, I’m a social liberal, but a fiscal conservative. Tightening up your budget can go hand-in-hand with social justice and civil rights, I think.”
You track the sound to your kitchen area.
You flip the light switch.
An olde tyme rotary phone rings away upon the table that constitutes your breakfast nook.
You’re pretty sure, by this point, this is some kind of vivid dream, possibly brought on by an interaction between alcohol and medication, and, well, it’s kinda more lucid than your stress-racked waking work days, isn’t it?
You’ll take it.
You pick up the receiver.
A sludge-choked monster voice instructs you to carve an ominous monster statue to honor the magnificence of its malevolence.
You say, “Look, um, I can do that . . . but why don’t we just skip to burning the world down.”
The sludgy monster voice hems and haws-there’s an order which must be observed, rituals to honor, a celestial scheme which abides, therefore we can’t just-
“I rent, dude, I got nothing to lose.”
There’s a long pause on the monster’s end.
You are suddenly aware of how close your living space is, and not in a cozy way.
It next communicates with you by imbuing you with a rising, hysterical nova-like burning sensation welling up out of the pit of your stomach.
Soon enough, all is aflame, because you have become a great fire in the world.
And it feels fucking awesome!
