THE DELUXE DAY OF HEADLINES DOES NOT STOP . . . A GROWING POPULATION OF CIA EMPLOYEES FIRED BY TRUMP ARE STARTING TO REALIZE THEY HAVE PLENTY OF FREE AGENT OPPORTUNITIES IN RUSSIAN AND CHINESE MARKETS . . . KANSAS FARMERS WHO VOTED FOR TRUMP PRAY TO FICTIONAL SKY GOD TO COMFORT THEM AS FEDERAL SUBSIDIES ARE CANCELLED . . . INTERVIEW EXCLUSIVE: NORTH KOREAN DICTATOR OFFERS TIPS AND LIFEHACKS FOR “AMERICAN COMRADES” TO HELP ADJUST TO THEIR NEW STATUS AS “HERMIT KINGDOM NO. 2” . . . A FEARSOME, SINISTER FIGURE RESEMBLING A JACK KIRBY MONSTER WHO CLAIMS TO BE THE EMBODIMENT OF CLIMATE INFERNO OFFERS CAUTIOUS PRAISE FOR TRUMP’S ANTI-SUSTAINABILITY POLICIES, BUT VOICES RESERVATIONS THAT THE EXECUTIVE FELON’S “OVERMASTERING GREED, IMPULSIVENESS, AND STUPIDITY MAY ALREADY BE GIVING AWAY THE GAME” . . . AS TRUMP’S PALESTINIAN DISPLACEMENT PLAN PROMISES A NEW OMNI-FRONT MIDDLE EASTERN WAR, THE EXECUTIVE FELON’S DEMOLITION OF MEDICAL RESEARCH FUNDING SEEMS TO ENSURE PLAGUES ON THE HOMEFRONT. “WE COULD BE LOOKING AT A BOOM IN FANS OF DYSTOPIAN FICTION SAYING, ‘I TOLD YOU SO’ ON SOCIAL MEDIA,” SAYS A UNIVERSITY SOCIOLOGIST WITH EXPERTISE IN THE HALL-OF-MIRRORS-LIKE VAPIDITY OF SOCIAL MEDIA SPACES . . .
