ANCILLARY PRODUCTS #10:

Dogways There is a new psychosurgical grief displacement process that allows you to ALWAYS feel the presence of your beloved canine even after they are long gone from your life. You can once again enjoy your dear departed doggo's lap presence due to the mind's enhanced capacity for fully immersive fantasias including body mass sensations, face licking, ear scratchies, and belly rubs. Dogways There is proven to maintain your continuity of essential work, worship, and child rearing functions despite the tragic loss of your animal friend. Known side effects include dreams that mostly consist of oppressive feelings of loneliness and vastation as though you are the last being left alive on a planet otherwise devoid of life. Dogways There is also known to cause episodes of "frozen awakeness" during surgical sedation that includes the cuddly presence of your long gone canine nestling within opened body cavities. Consult your doctor, work supervisor, and religious overseer to determine if Dogways There is right for you.