People assume the worst about the Illuminati. People are like, "This secret conspiracy has spun a global web to beguile me, to deceive me, to rob me, to kill me, to brainwash me, to fill me with demons, to siphon my gasoline, to steal my catalytic converter, to hit me with an unexpected tax bill." People are full of fear that a high-tech conspiracy with paranormal powers is strictly devoted to ruining their lives for spite's sake.
Well, I don't buy it. For one thing, you catch more flies with honey. All these people working for the conspiracy must've been offered some kind of incentives, some kind of rewards package to participate. And then this conspiracy of talented and capable people is just gonna squander all their talents tormenting and destroying people? I don't buy it. Statistically speaking there just ain't that many raging psychopaths on planet Earth. No way, no how.
What's more likely is that if there is indeed a conspiracy it's probably lookin' out for us. I think so. In fact, I'll give you an example of how it's helping me.
I'm a big fan of the films of David Cronenberg. I spend a lot of my time online looking up information about Cronenberg and his works, watching video of interviews and reviews and scenes from his movies and, of course, downloading screenplays and articles and entire feature films. I can't get enough!
But even a Cronenberg superfan like myself has blindspots. Sure, I can quote entire passages of dialogue from The Fly, Videodrome, and Dead Ringers; not to mention my display of Scanner powers is always a hit at parties! I can play both parts: the Scanner broadcasting brainwaves and the guy whose head explodes-I tell you I'm the Full Spectrum Hoot!
But I have my blindspots. Take the movie Fast Company, one of Cronenberg's more obscure efforts. No body horror. No science fiction. Just guys driving cars real fast in a reasonably realistic contemporary setting. Not much to it. When I think about people driving cars and Cronenberg, I typically recall the movie Crash, which has superficial similarities to Fast Company. Both movies involve people doing things with cars in contemporary settings. Crash is about people who get sexually aroused by crashing their automobiles, whereas Fast Company is about . . . racecar drivers? Auto mechanics? I can't quite recall. I know I rented the two disc collector's DVD from Videodrome (the indie rental store named for the Cronenberg film) back when I lived in Atlanta . . . but what of the actual content of the movie? I remember nothing. My mind just calls up scenes from Crash, like it's doing me a favor by saving me from the tedium of a forgettable movie by substituting more interesting content.
Ah-ha! There it is! Evidence of Illuminated Interdiction in my brain functions! The Illuminati are using their Orbital Mind Control Lasers to edit out the boring memories of Fast Company and thereby beam-nudging me to just ruminate upon the good bits of Crash! Just like a True Friend would encourage me to choose Crash over Fast Company for Movie Night!
Not to mention the fact that when I looked up Fast Company on Amazon the long out-of-print DVDs and Blu-Rays were waaaaay overpriced thereby discouraging me from wasting my money on a movie that'll no doubt disappoint on the re-watch. People flip their bits accusing the Illuminati of manipulating the global economy, but here's an example of my puppet master buds creating artificial scarcity and inflated prices to save me from tedium. Pretty sweet!
Ah, yes, the Illuminati. They've been looking out for me. Here's to 'em!
