FORGIVE ME FOR SHOUTING. I JUST GET SO EXCITED BY THINGS. ESPECIALLY THINGS I LIKE. LIKE SHOUTING. ESPECIALLY THUNDEROUS SHOUTING. LIKE ZEUS DOES IN THAT ONE MOVIE WHERE HE'S OBSESSED WITH PUNISHING PEOPLE AND UNLEASHING HUGE MONSTERS AND INFLICTING ACCURSED METAMORPHOSES UPON PEOPLE'S BODIES. NOT THE NEWER MOVIE, THE OLDER ONE. AND WHEN HE'S THUNDERING AT PEOPLE HE'S SO EXCITING, I BET EVEN THE PEOPLE SUFFERING HIS WRATH ARE JUST THE TEENIEST BIT EXCITED. MOSTLY SCARED. BUT THERE'S THAT BIT OF GIDDINESS. LIKE WHEN YOU HEAR ON THE NEWS ABOUT POSSIBLE NUCLEAR ANNIHILATION, OR GLOBAL INACTION ON CLIMATE CHANGE. THERE'S TERROR, BUT THERE'S A GIDDINESS AS I REALIZE ALL AUTHORITARIANS ARE BOGUS, FEARFUL LITTLE SHITS. JUST LOOK AT ZEUS HIMSELF, WITH HIS FINE ROBES, HIS PERPETUAL SCOWL, THAT GLEAM OF PREDATORY LUST IN HIS EYES. YES. WITHIN THAT VERY GLEAM LIES THE TRUE ZEUS. LOOK YOU DEEPER. SEE THE PROTEAN SWIRL OF FORMS AND DISGUISES THAT THIS OLYMPIAN TYRANT HAS PUT ON AS HE HAS DECEIVED AND RAPED AND MASSACRED HIS WAY ACROSS THE AGES. THE STERN AND CONCRETE AND IMMOVABLE THUNDERER IS A LIE. FOR ALL THE DEITIES KNOW THEY WERE BORN IN PRIMAL, WRIGGLING, POLYMORPHING CHAOS, THAT ONLY CHISELED VANITY MAY DENY, MAY SUPPRESS. BUT I AM BUT A LOWLY HUMAN, NOT FAR AT ALL FROM THE MUCK AND THE SHIT AND THE SHEER, NUMBING CAPRICE OF CHURNING, IMPLACABLE EVOLUTIONARY-DIALECTICAL FORCES THAT GIVE AND TAKE AND ELEVATE AND DESTROY. ZEUS GLOWERS DOWN UPON ME, AND I STARE BACK. ZEUS SEES IN MY OWN EYES THE REEKING VOID OF THE BEGINNING, AND HE CANNOT HIDE FROM THE TRUTH OF HIMSELF. AH, ZEUS, IF ONLY YOU HAD LOOKED IN A MIRROR AS IS YOUR HABIT. BUT YOU JUST HAD TO STARE ME DOWN. BUT MINE IS THE TRUE GORGON'S GAZE, AND YOU ARE NOW CAUGHT OUT BY A FORCE OF HEAVY DESTRUCTION, THE RUBBLEMIND OF THAT PRIMAL CHAOS TO WHICH GODS AND MORTALS AND EMPIRES MUST ALL RETURN. OH, HOW YOU HOWLED AS I SURGED INTO GOLDEN OLYMPUS TO TURN YOU OUT HARDER THAN YOU COULD'VE EVER DREAMED. YOU NEVER EVER THOUGHT THAT YOU WOULD FEEL LIKE THAT DID YOU, ZEUS? NO, I THINK NOT. OF COURSE, I PREFER THE OLDER MOVIE BECAUSE OF THE DELIGHTFUL RAY HARRYHAUSEN STOP MOTION SPECIAL EFFECTS. I'VE SPENT A LOT OF TIME LATELY SPENDING LOTS OF MONEY PURCHASING ORIGINAL HARRYHAUSEN MINIATURES FROM ONLINE AUCTIONS. THE COST IS ENORMOUS AND DIFFICULT TO JUSTIFY. FORTUNATELY, I HAVE ZEUS WORKING A HIGHLY PROFITABLE STREET CORNER FOR ME THESE DAYS ON A RIGOROUS SCHEDULE. GREEK MYTHOLOGY CONNECTS WITH MANY OF MY INTERESTS IN COOL WAYS.
William applies his own award-winning custom honey sweet BBQ sauce to the comically squirming'n'protesting-through-a-mouthful-of-ballgag-whilst-spitroasting form of Zeus. Dinner is just about ready, and will be served in styrofoam containers with sides of mac'n'cheese and steamed broccoli. There's even a film crew from one of those trendy celebrity chef programs. William says to the celebrity chef on-camera, "I'm ever so grateful to be the flavor of the moment. Zeus, too."
