This is the one
where I get to play
as a muscular devilguy
who is fighting other devilpeople
in a hellish monster world
cutscene backstory
is that I-the devilguy-conquered the fuck outta this damned monster world
collecting a bunch of mystical objects of power
only to get zapped in the back by some slimy, cowardly fuckstick,
and then I lose everything
and I gotta quest'n'kill to get my glory back,
hopefully doubling and tripling my Satanic glory in the process,
which is Next Level Tightness, right?
I get to be a fire-spitting devilguy inside a monster world of war eternal
fighting not for righteousness
but to sate my battle-lust,
to crush my Enemies,
trample them underfoot,
and then revel in the lamentations of their devil-moms,
fuckin' A-thru-Z, my dawg!
Demon's Crest was the hawtness in '94!
This was the Next Level Satan Joint for sure.
And where were all the pin-headed guardians of chaste virtue, family values, and Christian nationalism, hm?
Not a peep from those gibbering clowns on Demon's Crest.
They probably took one look at the box art featuring Firebrand-a leering, muscular red-skinned hunk of devilbeef-and questioned every last bit of their own bullshit. They probably realized if they made a big deal over Firebrand they would lose, because everybody would take a look-"What's all the controversy about?"-and they would instantly be won over to Firebrand's side of the line. Tipper Gore and Pat Buchanan and the 700 Club and all the other paleoconservative phony outrage grifters would just look like a lotta pale farts on the wind.
Who wants to hold onto sharty weak humanity, with all its ugliness and hypocrisy and mortality, when you could switch on a cart, and get a diabolical upgrade?
Ah, Demon's Crest!
Ah, devilmanity!
-May 2022
