POETIC VIDEO GAME REVIEW # -9: LEAKED DESIGN DOCUMENTS.

 

Holy shit, 

Originally

It was supposed to be Everything to Everyone

You could fight everyone

You could sex everyone

Next level jealousy mechanics

Including sexable jealousy

All environments were fully destructible

You could sex destruction itself

Every vehicle had physics

The physics were themselves sexable

Accurate nutrition mechanics

Featuring sexable rations

You could sex all of the vehicles

Every fightable/sexable tech tree was gonna be infinitely extendable

Accurate dehydration, malnutrition, and starvation mechanics

All sexable

If you sexed too much for too long you could get dehydrated

And if you sexed with dehydration too much you could give birth to weirdo autosexing deserts that would birth glass factories strangely enough

And the glass would shatter as it sexed itself like crazy

All of the vehicles are driveable/flyable/sailable/sexable

Sophisticated economic cycles of boom/bust/boom/bust ad infinitum

You could totally sex the economy

Sexable boom

Sexable bust

Next generation malaise mechanics where your character could become disillusioned after too many Forever Wars and/or failed government responses to lethal pandemics

You could sex all of the destructible environments

You could sex all of the pandemics

You could sex the malaise

You could sex the Forever Wars, totally bust off your Wargasm, dawg

Emergent gameplay would birth wholly unique cutscenes for all players,

and if you wanted to skip the cutscenes

you had to navigate a grindy labyrinth full of destructible and sexable booby traps and robot sentries

Totally sexable grindy labyrinths, natch,

Along with a fully sexable skip once you unlocked it,

with the unlock also being sexable

Accurate orgasm mechanics including fake orgasms

You could sex the orgasms

You could sex the fake orgasms

Day/night cycle

You could sex the day/night cycle

Extensive crafting

Including sexable crafting-

But they had to scale it back

Due in part to toxic crunch-induced work stress

Like

Basically

'Cause 

half the dev team ended up in hospital

Which meant they were short staffed

So they had to reign it in, y'know?

In the end

What got released

Was a perfectly serviceable go kart track management sim

Which some have criticized as falling pretty far short of the original vision

But I dunno

If you squint, right?

A little squinting never hurt nobody.

I bet you had sexable squinting in the original design docs . . .

-May 2022-August 2022